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The Lighthouse Keeper's Catastrophe: (The Lighthouse Keeper (PDF))
by Ronda Armitage David ArmitageWhen Mr Grinling the lighthouse keeper locks himself out of the lighthouse, he tries everything to get back inside. Not only is Hamish the cat trapped inside, he also needs to switch on the light to warn the ships that they're near the rocks on the coast. Luckily Mrs Grinling has an ingenious plan to get back in... but will it work?
Land of the Midnight Sun: My Arctic Adventures
by Alexander ArmstrongIn an adventure of a lifetime, Alexander Armstrong wraps up warm and heads ever north to explore the hostile Arctic winter – the glittering landscape of Scandinavia, the isolated islands of Iceland and Greenland, and the final frontier of Canada and Alaska. Along the way he learns from the Marines how to survive sub-zero temperatures by eating for England, takes a white-knuckle drive along a treacherous 800-mile road that's a river in summer and, with great reluctance, strips off for a dip in the freezing Arctic waters - and that’s all before wrestling Viking-style with a sporting legend called Eva as part of an Icelandic winter festival. Sharing the wonder of the Arctic in his inimitable style, Land of the Midnight Sun is a brilliantly entertaining travelogue that takes readers on an exhilarating and hilarious journey to the farthest reaches of the globe. Through his witty exploration of the region's remarkable landscape and lifestyle, and its even more remarkable people, Armstrong proves himself the ideal travel companion.
The Armstrong And Miller Book
by Alexander Armstrong Ben MillerArmstrong and Miller are Britain's favourite comedy duo. In their first book, they bring their brilliant characters to the page in a brand-new way. In the classic tradition of books by such greats as Monty Python and Morecambe & Wise, THE ARMSTRONG AND MILLLER BOOK is a highly illustrated book, packed with inventive and completely original material.
The 100 Most Pointless Arguments in the World: A pointless book written by the presenters of the hit BBC 1 TV show (Pointless Books)
by Alexander Armstrong Richard OsmanWe've all had them, those pointless arguments that are seemingly impossible to solve. We've been round in circles trying to work out what came first, the chicken or the egg? Don't get us started on the debate of what we are all here for? And you're bound to have had sleepless nights pondering which ingredient you simply can't do without in a full English Breakfast - sausage or bacon. Well worry no more, here to help you solve some of life's biggest - and most pointless - conundrums are Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman.So, does God exist? and what is the most pointless sport - ballet or darts? With a witty and intelligent collection of stand-up pieces, quizzes, cryptic brainteasers and pointless facts, Alexander Armstrong and his pointless friend Richard Osman will put the world to rights and finally answer the 100 Most Pointless Arguments in the World....Ever.
The 100 Most Pointless Things in the World: A pointless book written by the presenters of the hit BBC 1 TV show (Pointless Books #1)
by Alexander Armstrong Richard OsmanThe world is full of pointless things. From rail replacement bus services to chip forks. From war to windchimes. From people who put cushions on beds to people who read the bit they write about the book on amazon. Look around you right now. Just about the only thing that isn't pointless is you. You look amazing. Join Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman, the hosts of BBC1 quiz show Pointless as they take you on a journey through The 100 Most Pointless Things in the World. Filled with play-along quiz questions and unlikely facts, their hilarious collection of musings on some of the most pointless things found in everyday modern life is the perfect blend of the obscure, the fascinating and the downright silly.
The A-Z of Pointless: A brain-teasing bumper book of questions and trivia (Pointless Books #4)
by Alexander Armstrong Richard OsmanJourney from A-Z, playing 26 rounds of Pointless with family and friends and enjoy facts, banter and musings from Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman. Inside you'll find hundreds of questions for all the family from TV's most popular quiz show, Pointless. (You will also find thousands of answers, which is very handy.) Taking you on a journey from A to Z you will learn amazing facts, from Agincourt and Andy Warhol to Zinedine Zidane and Zimbabwe, and everything in between.As an added bonus Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman, also reveal their exclusive A to Z of behind the scenes gossip and Pointless secrets, all written with their trademark wit, alongside exclusive drawings by Moose Allain.Everyone you know will love this book. Except maybe for that couple you met on holiday, and, be honest, you didn't really like them anyway. I mean, she was alright, but what was up with him?
The Very Pointless Quiz Book: Prove your Pointless Credentials (Pointless Books #3)
by Alexander Armstrong Richard OsmanLet hosts Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman guide you through the quiz rounds with their trademark warmth and humour and battle it out against your friends and family for Pointless glory. Perfect for playing along alone or with family and friends, The Very Pointless Quiz Book will test your knowledge and tease your brains.So how good are you at Pointless? Really? Do you think you've got enough in-depth knowledge of Regional Railways, African Countries With No Coastline and Types of Lettuce to carry off the coveted Pointless trophy?Well let's see shall we?Here's your chance to step up to the podium (metaphorically speaking of course, chances are you'll be sitting somewhere very comfortably with either a mug of tea or a roll of Andrex within easy reach) put that knowledge to the test, and see just how far you can go in a genuine four-round Pointless ordeal.Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless...
The Armstrongs' A-Z Guide to Life
by Ann Armstrong John ArmstrongHave you ever wondered how typewriters can rival commercial radio? Why, according to John, it's best to shave only once a week, and with old fashioned soap and water? And what the various repercussions of spring and its extra hour of daylight bring?The BBC created a fantastically cult television series when they filmed the daily operations of John and Ann's double glazing firm U-Fit, the third largest in Coventry. It was here we were first introduced to John's misanthropic musings and no-nonsense attitude to management and his wife Ann's doting loyalty. Now their individual and highly entertaining personalities have been brought to the page, as they ruminate on various aspects of life from asbos to Buddhism, and Chekov to Maltesers.
So Fetch (And Why We’re Still So Obsessed With It): The Making Of Mean Girls (and Why We're Still So Obsessed With It)
by Jennifer Keishin ArmstrongThe inside story of the making of Mean Girls – and our enduring 20-year obsession with it
Love, Sex and Other Foreign Policy Goals
by Jesse ArmstrongFrom the creator of Peep ShowIt’s 1994 and a gang of good-hearted young people set off in a Ford Transit van armed with several sacks of rice and a half-written play. Their aim is to light a beacon of peace across the Balkans and, very probably, stop the war.Andrew would love to stop the war. But what he’d also love to do – perhaps even more than stop the war – is sleep with Penny. Does Penny like him though? Or does she love Simon, Andrew’s rival, an irritatingly authentic Geordie poet? Or Shannon, the fierce, inspiring American leader of the troupe? And how will this all play out in a war-zone where all the rules have been abandoned?
With Teeth
by Kristen Arnett'With Teeth is a wonderfully sticky novel about motherhood, partnership, sex and love. Kristen Arnett lets her characters have the run of the place, and it's delicious fun to watch them do, say, and think things they'll regret' Emma Straub, author of All Adults Here'A darkly funny, brutally honest story about a woman undone by motherhood . . . With Teeth digs in deep and doesn't let go. I truly loved it' Jennifer Weiner, bestselling author of Mrs Everything and That SummerIf she's being honest, Sammie Lucas is scared of her son. Working from home in the close quarters of their Florida house, she lives with one wary eye peeled on Samson, a sullen, unknowable boy who resists her every attempt to bond with him. Uncertain in her own feelings about motherhood, she tries her best - driving, cleaning, cooking, prodding him to finish projects for school - while growing increasingly resentful of Monika, her confident but absent wife. As Samson grows from feral toddler to surly teenager, Sammie's life begins to deteriorate into a mess of unruly behaviour, and her struggle to create a picture-perfect queer family unravels. When her son's hostility finally spills over into physical aggression, Sammie must confront her role in the mess - and the possibility that it will never be clean again.Blending the warmth and wit of Arnett's breakout hit, Mostly Dead Things, with a candid take on queer family dynamics, With Teeth is a thought-provoking portrait of the delicate fabric of family - and the many ways it can be torn apart.
The Element in the Room: Science-y Stuff Staring You in the Face
by Helen Arney Steve Mould'Made me go Hydrogen Argon, Hydrogen Argon, Hydrogen Argon.' Rufus HoundAs featured in Best stocking-filler books of 2017 - The Guardian'Witty and clever writing, every topic is engaging, fun and in some cases laugh-out-loud funny...there are too many highlights to mention' - How it Works Why is it impossible to spin your right foot clockwise while you draw a 6 with your right hand? Can you extract DNA from a strawberry daiquiri? Would you make love like a praying mantis? Should you book a holiday on Earth 2.0? The Element in the Room will take you on a rib-tickling, experiment-fuelled adventure to explain everyday science that is staring you in the face. If you are sci-curious, pi-curious or just the-end-is-nigh-curious then this is the book for you.Steve Mould and Helen Arney are two thirds of science comedy phenomenon Festival of the Spoken Nerd. As a trio they have appeared on QI, created their own experimental* comedy show 'Domestic Science' for Radio 4, toured their stand-up science shows to over 50,000 nerds (and non-nerds) and accumulated millions of views on YouTube.'These nerds are the real deal' - Ben Goldacre, author of BAD SCIENCE 'They make science fun and understandable which is a great combo.' Sandi Toksvig'MIND BLOWN.' Tim Harford'Science was never such hilarious explosive fun.' Richard Herring'This book is 37% better than mine. But it took 100% more nerds to write it.' Matt Parker (the other third of Spoken Nerd)
Killer Energy (PDF)
by Nick Arnold Tony De SaullesFans will love all the gory details of why space loos spray out frozen pee and which chilling chemical can preserve pets! With a fantastic new cover look and extra horrible bits at the back of the book, this best-selling title is sure to be a huge hit with a new generation of Horrible Science readers.
Eating Your Auntie Is Wrong: The World's Strangest Customs
by Stephen ArnottCrossing continents and centuries Stephen Arnott brings us invaluable information about all kinds of bizarre regional customs - from sexual practices to the received wisdom on cannibalism - that could save you from embarrassing local faux pas while travelling. Did you know that amongst the Tartars, relations of the bride and bridegroom would traditionally divide into two groups and fight each other until some had suffered bleeding wounds? It was thought that causing blood to flow in this way would ensure the couple had strong sons; or that in Hungary, a cure for infertility was to beat a barren woman with a stick? The stick having previously been used to separate mating dogs; or that amongst some Aboriginal tribes of New South Wales that men who had any contact with their mothers-in-law would suffer terrible hard luck? The threat was so great that married men even avoided looking in their mother-in-law's general direction.
Sex: A User's Guide
by Stephen ArnottEverything you always wanted to know about the more curious aspects of sex but were afraid to ask: the history of sex; sex and religion; sex and the law; sexual customs around the world; the biology of sex; the physiology of sex, anatomical curiosities; Gay and lesbian sex; sex and the animal kingdom; the great sex manuals; sex in literature, film and art; sex aids and toys; aphrodisiacs; masturbation; pornography; famous sexual athletes (and famous flops); the language of sex; kinks and fetishes; perversions; urban myths, tales of outrageous behaviour and a catalogue of bizarre facts and figures. Did you know---One of the lesser-known fetishes is Axillism ? the erotic attraction of armpits.--In the Lebanon it is legal for a man to have sex with any female animal, but if he has sex with a male animal it is punishable by death.--Cleopatra is said to have owned one of the world's first vibrators. Cleopatra's toy didn't run on batteries, it was insect powered - a small, hollow implement full of buzzing bees.--Arab fishermen used to have sex with any 'dugong' (sea-cow) they accidentally drowned in their nets. This practice was meant to stop the dead animal's relatives seeking revenge and drowning the fisherman.
Man Walks Into A Bar: The Ultimate Collection of Jokes and One-Liners
by Stephen Arnott Mike HaskinsMan Walks Into A Bar is a one-stop shop for anyone who likes to hear and tell jokes. The jokes are ordered thematically - wives, husbands, doctors, lawyers, the French, the Germans, jokes about nuns, jokes about monkeys, the lot. There are also regular panels which group jokes by type too - Essex girls, changing a lightbulb etc. Our material will turn you into the toast of your local pub or make you loathed in your own home - remember, it is all in the telling. From the sublimely erudite to stuff Frank Carson would turn down (the book has a 'world's worst jokes' section), this book can service you with every joke you'll ever need.What do you call an eskimo chav?InnuinnitWhat did the zen student say at the hamburger stand?Make me one with everythingWhat's Irish and lives in the garden?Paddy O'Furniture
1001 Quotations to inspire you before you die (1001)
by Robert ArpFrom the bestselling 1001 series, comes a collection of 1001 quotations from numerous brilliant minds of the Ancient World through to the present day. With quotes from everyone including Marcus Aurelius, Sun Tzu, Shakespeare and Nietzsche through to Ellen DeGeneres, Nelson Mandela, Mark Zuckerberg and Monty Python's Flying Circus, there is an immense range of ideas, witticisms and musings to ponder.The quotations cover a wide range of topics, including art and literature, culture, philosophy, politics, psychology and religion, made accessible and brought to life by being placed in their historical contexts and accompanied by a wealth of illustrations.
Milo and One Dead Angry Druid: The Milo Adventures: Book 1 (The Milo Adventures #1)
by Mary ArriganOn the Bring-Something-Old-to-School day, Milo’s best friend Shane brings part of a carved ancient stone from his granny’s wild garden. When it is presented in class, Willie Jones’s lizard goes crazy and leaps from its glass container in terror. Milo realises this is no ordinary old stone. Afraid that his granny, Big Ella, will be annoyed with him for taking the carved stone, Shane asks Milo to mind the stone until the coast is clear. However, Milo encounters a shadowy figure wearing a tall hat shuffling about in the garden. This is the ghost of Mr Lewis, someone from the past and who is caught in a kind of limbo. He too is searching for the piece of ancient stone, which is part of a druidstone. He needs to find both pieces of the stone to lift a curse put upon him many years ago. But where is the other half of the stone?
Skimpy: Outrageous true tales of crocodiles, snakes and pulling beers in the Outback
by Kellie ArrowsmithFans of Paul Carter will love this fast-paced and funny memoir featuring nudist neighbours, sex in croc-infested waters, frogs in the toilet and a resident snake in Kellie's kitchen that may or may not be lethal. These are the outrageous stories of a feisty girl who decided to go bush.SKIMPY (defn): A feisty barmaid who works in outback pubs in denim cut-offs and a bikini topKellie Arrowsmith was a country girl whose idea of a hairdo was tying a ponytail whenever she wanted to go horse riding. But in her early twenties she left her sleepy hometown of Albury on the NSW/Victoria border for the bright lights of the Gold Coast, and soon found herself working in a succession of unexciting jobs just to keep up with her now-glamorous lifestyle. After spending two years as a frazzled receptionist for an adult entertainment agency, Kellie decided to stop booking the jobs and start taking them. So it was that she found herself travelling to Gove, a mining town in East Arnhem Land, where she had her first stint as a skimpy: a barmaid who wears not much clothing for big money. Skimpies can work in the NT, in WA, in the Hunter Valley of NSW - wherever there's a bunch of blokes with a fly-in fly-out lifestyle who enjoy a cold beer at the end of their shift. Kellie thought her new job would take her all round the country, but she hadn't planned on falling in love - not with Dave, a rough-and-tumble outback character with a big heart and the world's worst four-wheel-drive, and not with the Northern Territory way of life. But she did, and instead of diamonds and dust, Kellie got crocodiles and denim cut-offs - and a whole lot of stories to tell about a side of outback life that's a long way off the beaten track.
Little Badman and the Radioactive Samosa: World Book Day 2021 (Little Badman)
by Humza Arshad Henry White*Meet Little Badman in this hilarious and action-packed mini adventure, for fans of David Baddiel and David Walliams*Praise for Little Badman and the Invasion of the Killer Aunties:'Wildly over the top and satisfying' The Observer New Review Children's Book of the Month'This book is bonkers but proper funny- it's Drake meets James Bond' Match of the Day Magazine________You've heard of Little Badman, right? No? Oh. Well. . . Doesn't matter. You will do one day. He's gonna be big.You've heard of Little Badman, right? No? Oh. Well. . . Doesn't matter. You will do one day. He's gonna be big.Little Badman, aka Humza Khan, has saved the world TWICE.So it's lucky when Humza and his friends narrowly avoid being hit by rock from outer-space. What does get hit is a box of delicious samosas, which turn . . .Radioactive! Now the trio have superpowers, which is pretty cool. What's less cool is the giant hamsters on the loose. Looks like a job for Little Badman and his crew.
Little Badman and the Rise of the Punjabi Zombies (Little Badman)
by Humza Arshad Henry WhiteTime for another Little Badman adventure. This time, Humza, Umer and Wendy must face . . . THE UNDEAD.Welcome to Big School. Humza Khan - aka Little Badman, Eggington's greatest rapper - might have finally met his match.Evil teacher geniuses and giant killer hamsters (see previous Little Badman adventures for details) are nothing compared to starting a new school.He's already been out rap-battled by the school bully, laughed at by his classmates. Oh, and we haven't even mentioned the ancient magical orb causing havoc and very possibly leading to world destruction.At least Humza has found someone to help with his homework. It's just a shame this friend isn't exactly . . . alive. Praise for Little Badman and the Invasion of the Killer Aunties, one of The Guardian's 100 best holiday books for 2019'Wildly over the top and satisfying' The Observer New Review Children's Book of the Month'Microwaved pants and killer bees feature in this rib-aching comic caper, heightened with moments of real tenderness and heart.' The Guardian"A perfect read for Tom Gates fans: prepare for big belly laughs and great advice on how to be yourself." BookTrust
Little Badman and the Time-travelling Teacher of Doom
by Humza Arshad Henry WhitePraise for Little Badman and the Invasion of the Killer Aunties, one of The Guardian's 100 best holiday books for 2019 'Wildly over the top and satisfying' The Observer New Review Children's Book of the Month'This book is bonkers but proper funny- it's Drake meets James Bond' Match of the Day Magazine'Microwaved pants and killer bees feature in this rib-aching comic caper, heightened with moments of real tenderness and heart.' The Guardian "A perfect read for Tom Gates fans: prepare for big belly laughs and great advice on how to be yourself." BookTrust ________ 'You've probably heard of me, right? Little Badman. No? Oh. Well . . . doesn't Matter. You will do one day. I'm gonna be big.'They've faced deadly alien slugs, killer aunties and double maths. Now, Humza Kahn (and his friend Umer, I guess) face something even scarier - Humza's dad! And he's fed up with the boys acting up all the time. So he's sending them away to school.But this is not ordinary school. This is a special summer school in Pakistan, and the two friends are about to learn that something very weird indeed is going on - someone has been messing with time!The world may just need saving again . . .The second book in side-splitting adventure series from Humza Khan and Henry White.
Russell Brand: Comedy, Celebrity, Politics (Palgrave Studies in Comedy)
by Jane Arthurs Ben LittleRussell Brand is one of the most high profile and controversial celebrities of our time. A divisive figure, his ability to bounce back from adversity is remarkable. This book traces his various career stages through which he has done this, moving from comedy, to TV presenting; from radio to Hollywood films. It identifies how this eclectic career in entertainment both helped and hindered his high-profile move into political activism. Underpinning the book are interviews with leading activists and politicians, and sophisticated readings of Brand's performances, writing and on-screen work. There are sections on the Sachsgate scandal, his Newsnight interview with Jeremy Paxman, and his 2015 election intervention for aspiring Prime Minister Ed Miliband. It builds on scholarly work in the area of celebrity politics to develop an original analytic approach that blends the field theory of Pierre Bourdieu with the assemblage theory of Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari.
Writers on Writing: A Book of Quotations (Writers' and Artists')
by Writers’ Artists’Writers on Writing brings together a plethora of phrases, quotable lines, quips and putdowns about the writing process. Arranged in themes that follow the stages from idea to final publication and beyond, this little book of quotations brings together words of wisdom and withering wit from famous and infamous writers across the ages about their own work and that of fellow writers. Themes on the publishing process include: getting started, first drafts, agents, editing, publication day, book tours; and on different genres, forms and writing styles, such as plot, character, dialogue. Other topics covered are: rivals, censorship, writer's block, spelling, fame, money, plagiarism, and alcohol. The quotations are accompanied by their original source (where known), date and a short writer biographical note. ''A writer is a person who writes.'' John Braine ''Our book is found to be a drug, no man needs it or heeds it. In the space of a year our publisher has disposed but of two copies.'' Charlotte Brontë ''How rare, how precious is frivolity! How few writers can prostitute all their powers! They are always implying, 'I am capable of higher things'.'' E.M. Forster
The ASBO Fairy Tales
by Hans Christian AsbosenSit back, relax and allow Hans Christian Asbosen to tell you fantastical stories of far-away lands. Once upon a time there were. . . Hansel and Courtney and their trail of Wotsits, Jack and the Weedstalk, Snow White and the Seven Dads and Bling-erella. There's Little Red Riding Hoodie, the Crack Piper of Camden, mistakenly enlisted to rid London of its rats, and Sleep-In Beauty, who is cursed with an addiction to fairydust. Not quite as traditional as first glance might suggest, these hilarious reworkings of traditional classics are a wonderfully acerbic look at today's society.