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The World According to Clarkson: The World According to Clarkson Volume 1 (The World According to Clarkson #1)
by Jeremy ClarksonJeremy Clarkson, shares his opinions on just about everything in The World According to Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson has seen rather more of the world than most. He has, as they say, been around a bit. And as a result, he's got one or two things to tell us about how it all works - and being Jeremy Clarkson he's not about to voice them quietly, humbly and without great dollops of humour. In The World According to Clarkson, he reveals why it is that:• Too much science is bad for our health• '70s rock music is nothing to be ashamed of• Hunting foxes while drunk and wearing night-sights is neither big nor clever• We must work harder to get rid of cricket• He liked the Germans (well, sometimes)With a strong dose of common sense that is rarely, if ever, found inside the M25, Clarkson hilariously attacks the pompous, the ridiculous, the absurd and the downright idiotic, whilst also celebrating the eccentric, the clever and the sheer bloody brilliant. Less a manifesto for living and more a road map to modern life, The World According to Clarkson is the funniest book you'll read this year. Don't leave home without it.The World According to Clarkson is a hilarious collection of Jeremy's Sunday Times columns and the first in his The World According to Clarkson series which also includes And Another Thing . . . , For Crying Out Loud! and How Hard Can It Be?Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time OutNumber-one bestseller and presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Carscan be downloaded on the App Store.
No! I Don't Want to Join a Bookclub: Diary Of A Sixtieth Year
by Virginia IronsideToo young to get whisked away by a Stannah Stairlift, or to enjoy the luxury of a walk-in bath (but not so much that she doesn't enjoy comfortable shoes), Marie is all the same getting on in years - and she's thrilled about it. She's a bit preoccupied about whether to give up sex - Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! - but there are compensations, like falling in love with her baby grandson, and maybe falling in love with someone else too? Curmudgeonly, acute, touching and funny, this diary is what happens when grumply old women meet Bridget Jones.
How to be Free
by Tom HodgkinsonHow to be Free is Tom Hodgkinson's manifesto for a liberated life.Modern life is absurd. How can we be free?If you've ever wondered why you bother to go to work, or why so much consumer culture is crap, then this book is for you. Looking to history, literature and philosophy for inspiration, Tom Hodgkinson provides a joyful blueprint for a simpler and freer way of life. Filled with practical tips as well as inspiring reflections, here you can learn how to throw off the shackles of anxiety, bureaucracy, debt, governments, housework, supermarkets, waste and much else besides.Are you ready to be free? Read this book and find out.'One of the most provocatively entertaining, creatively subversive and, frankly, essential manifestoes of this or any moment' Time Out'Crammed with laugh-out-loud jokes and witty put-downs . . . acts as a survival guide for everything from the government to housework. Random in its details, essential in its advice' KnaveAs a follow-up to his charming How to be Idle, Tom Hodgkinson offers nothing less than a manifesto of resistance to the modern world' GuardianTom Hodgkinson is the founder and editor of The Idler and the author of How to be Idle, How to be Free, The Idle Parent and Brave Old World. In spring 2011 he founded The Idler Academy in London, a bookshop, coffeehouse and cultural centre which hosts literary events and offers courses in academic and practical subjects - from Latin to embroidery. Its motto is 'Liberty through Education'. Find out more at www.idler.co.uk.
Journey to the South: A Calabrian Homecoming
by Annie HawesEver since Annie got together with Ciccio, his Calabrian family have spoken of their homeland as an earthly paradise, of wild nights dancing the tarantella, of almond milk sold fresh from roadside stalls, of honey cakes and amaro made from wild liquorice roots... Now, at last, Annie and Ciccio are travelling down to see the ancestral home and extended family for themselves, along with a bunch of vocal and lively de Gilios who don't want to miss out on the fun.Will everything Annie has learnt in her years among the Ligurians stand her in good stead among the Calabresi? Or is she in for another steep learning curve in the intricacies of Italian rural life?
Should Have Got Off at Sydney Parade
by Ross O'Carroll-KellyRoss O'Carroll-Kelly thought he knew all he needed to about women's bodies ... So there I was, roysh, in a state of basically very blissful ignorance, when suddenly Sorcha's up the Damien and I have to listen to, like, women's stuff. And now he's getting a biology lesson he could have SO lived without ... I am telling you, roysh, I never even knew nipples could crack and I was very happy not knowing it. I mean, all I knew about the whole scenario was six seconds of seriously good loving, and now I'm basically expected to be an expert on how to, like, breathe like Dorth Vader and deal with baby turds.Sometimes, life just isn't fair to the babe magnet supremo ... This is SO not good for my rep - but do you think Sorcha even, like, cares about that? Not focking likely!
The Heart of the Dales
by Gervase PhinnGervase Phinn is back with his tales of life as a schools inspector in Yorkshire. His colourful cast of characters have now become firm favourites - the mostly mad staff at County Hall as well as the children themselves who find ways of embarrassing the school inspectors with innocent ease. We reconvene with Christine Bentley, head teacher of Winnery Nook School and now Gervase's wife and mother of their son, the well-named Mrs Savage and not forgetting the Queen of Clean – Connie. Gervase Phinn has an extraordinary talent to entertain, and the latest instalment to the Dale Series is heart-warming, wry and will make you laugh out loud.
The Stornoway Way
by Kevin MacNeil‘Fuck everyone from Holden Caulfield to Bridget Jones, fuck all the American and English phoney fictions that claim to speak for us; they don’t know the likes of us exist and they never did. We are who we are because we grew up the Stornoway way. We do not live in the back of beyond, we live in the very heart of beyond …’Meet R Stornoway, drink-addled misfit, inhabitant of the Hebridean Isle of Lewis, and meandering man fighting to break free of an island he just can’t seem to let go of…
Desperately Seeking...
by Evelyn CosgraveKate never intended the get-over guy to fall in love with her ...No, Keith was just the lovely fella who was definitely not her type, but would help her feel good about herself while she got over one of the World's Biggest Bastards. However, after the initial shock of hearing herself agree to marry him, Kate reckons that for once she is doing the right thing. A future with a wonderful man who is kind, generous, great in bed, sure to be a model husband and father and who - no mean feat this - can put up with her big mad family, is exactly what she wants.But is it?Because whatever her head might be doing, she can't stop her heart pushing her towards the most surprising - and unsuitable - man she could possibly fall for ...
Slam
by Nick Hornby'There was this time when everything seemed to have come together. And so obviously it was time to go and screw it all up.'Sam is sixteen and a skater. Just so there are no terrible misunderstandings: skating = skateboarding. There's no ice. Life is ticking along nicely for Sam: his mum's got rid of her rubbish boyfriend, he's thinking about college and he's met someone. Alicia.Then a little accident happens. One with big consequences for someone just finding his way in life. Sam can't run (let alone skate) away from this one. He's a boy facing a man's problems and the question is - has he got what it takes to confront them?
My Brother's Famous Bottom (My Brother's Famous Bottom Ser.)
by Jeremy Strong‘That’s the one!’ she cried. ‘That’s the bottom I’m after. Darling, you have the most gorgeous bottom!’Nicholas’s dad has a plan to make some fast cash. Nappies! Some disposable-nappy people are looking for a beautiful botty for their new advert – and all Nicholas’s baby brother has to do is pass the audition. What could possibly go wrong?
The Darling Buds of May: Book 1 (The Larkin Family Series #1)
by H. E. Bates'Home looks nice. Allus does though, don't it? Perfick'And so the Larkins - Pop, Ma, Mariette, Zinnia, Petunia, Primrose, Victoria and Montgomery - return from an outing for fish and chips and ice cream one May evening. There, amid the rustic charms of home, they discover a visitor: one Cedric Charlton, Her Majesty's inspector of taxes.Mr Charlton is visiting to find out why junk-dealer Pop hasn't paid his tax - but nothing's that simple at the Larkins. Mariette takes a shine to 'Charley' - as Pop calls him - and before long the family have introduced the uncomplaining inspector to the delights of country living: the lusty scents of wild flowers, the pleasures of a bottle of Dragon's Blood, cold cream dribbled over a bowl of strawberries and hot, hot summer nights.In fact, soon Charley can't see any reason to return to the office at all . . .
The Beach House
by Jane GreenNumber one bestseller Jane Green - author of Straight Talking and Mr Maybe - tells a heart-warming story of life, family and relationships in her captivating novel The Beach House.Nan, a widow whose family has flown the nest, is an independent, free-spirited woman who couldn't care less what people think about her living alone in her beloved beach house. But when she discovers that money is running out and she might lose her home, she knows it's time for a drastic change. Nan decides to rent out rooms for the summer and people start moving into the house, filling it with noise, laughter and tears. Among them is Daniel, a recently divorced father, who's struggling to find out who he really is, and Daff, the single mother of a truculent teenager who blames her mother unreservedly for her parents' divorce. As the house comes to life again, Nan finds her family growing. Her son comes home for the summer and an unexpected visitor turns up, turning all their lives upside down . . .Compelling, absorbing and poignant, The Beach House is a story of friendship, love and those moments that can change your life.
Black Mischief (Penguin Modern Classics)
by Evelyn Waugh'We are Progress and the New Age. Nothing can stand in our way.' When Oxford-educated Emperor Seth succeeds to the throne of the African state of Azania, he has a tough job on his hands. His subjects are ill-informed and unruly, and corruption, double-dealing and bloodshed are rife. However, with the aid if Minister of Modernization Basil Seal, Seth plans to introduce his people to the civilized ways of the west - but will it be as simple as that?
Can We Have Our Balls Back, Please?: How the British Invented Sport
by Julian NorridgeLong before Drake refused to interrupt his game of bowls when the Armada was sighted, the British have had a passionate relationship with sport. Julian Norridge goes through the stories of fourteen major sports from cricket to boxing to football, from their very beginning and throughout the British Isles, whether it’s Welsh inventor and tobacco enthusiast Major Walter Clopton Wingfield coming up with a game that could use those new fangled rubber balls (modern tennis) or the Scots inventing the golf club – 500 years after the game. But this is far more than a book about sport, it takes a very funny, very British look at our popular history, mythology and most importantly the highly eccentric figures that made it. It chronicles the constant battle between fair play and gambling; between advances in the game and plain cheating (such as turning up with a cricket bat wider than the wicket).Can We Have Our Balls Back Please? proves that there is an awful lot to be proud of in our history and where that strange feeling of superiority really comes from. It shows why we get just so excited when we take on any other nation in any sporting event and are so disappointed when we lose...
Phantom Hitchhikers and Decoy Ducks: The strange stories behind the urban legends we can't stop telling each other
by Albert Jack'Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Was Sir Winston Churchill really a Druid? Did Charlie Chaplin lose a lookalike competition? Did The Who's drummer Keith Moon drive his Rolls Royce into a swimming pool? The man with the answers is Albert Jack...' - Daily ExpressFrom Walt Disney's frozen head to the kidnap of JFK's brain, Albert Jack gathers together all the strangest, sickest, funniest and most unforgettable urban legends and recounts them with his usual deadpan humour. But this is more than just a collection of urban legends, it is also a detective story. Exploring the real events behind conspiracy theories, the exaggerations of history and the assumptions of old wives’ tales, Albert Jack shows us that the truth can definitely be stranger than fiction…
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Stars
by Gervase PhinnTwinkle, Twinkle Little Stars is the second delightful collection of stories and poems from Gervase Phinn.Following on from the terrific success of A Wayne in a Manger, Gervase Phinn has collected together from his bestselling Dales books his favourite stories about children, and included some poems from his popular Puffin poetry books. In this humorously illustrated book, the stories have one thing in common - the wonderfully funny (and usually innocent) things that children say. What makes Naomi's granny wobble? What's the secret ingredient in Richard's jam tarts? What is Billy's unconventional method for making babies?Whether they are stories about children who cannot read very well but know the names of many breeds of sheep or children who are more privileged (coming to school in a Wolls-Woyce), they are simply delightful. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Stars is a heart-warming book will enchant you, as Gervase Phinn helps you look at life through a child's eyes - and that's quite a special thing.'Gervase Phinn's memoirs have made him a hero in school staff-rooms' Daily TelegraphGervase Phinn is an author and educator from Rotherham who, after teaching for fourteen years in a variety of schools, moved to North Yorkshire to be a school inspector. He has written autobiographies, novels, plays, collections of poetry and stories, as well as a number of books about education. He holds five fellowships, honorary doctorates from Hull, Leicester and Sheffield Hallam universities, and is a patron of a number of children's charities and organizations. He is married with four adult children. His books include The Other Side of the Dale, Over Hill and Dale, Head Over Heels in the Dales,The Heart of the Dales, Up and Down in the Dales and Trouble at the Little Village School.
Molesworth: A Guide To Sukcess For Tiny Pupils, Including All There Is To Kno About Space (Penguin Modern Classics)
by Philip Hensher Geoffrey Willans Ronald SearleSchool is 'wet and weedy', according to Nigel Molesworth, the 'goriller of 3B', 'curse of St Custard's' and superb chronicler of fifties English life. Nothing escapes his disaffected eye and he has little time for such things as botany walks and cissy poetry with an assortment of swots, snekes and oiks. Instead he is very good at missing lessons, charming masters and putting down little brothers, in fact he is exceptional at most things except spelling. Wildly funny and full of sharp observations on life, the ‘Molesworth tetralogy’ is magnificently complemented by the illustrations of Ronald Searle
Albert Jack's Ten-minute Mysteries: The World's Secrets Explained, from the Real Loch Ness Monster to Who Killed Marilyn Monroe
by Albert JackAlbert Jack now turns his attention to the mysteries that have haunted us throughout history. Albert Jack's Ten Minute Mysteries cleverly combines his research with riveting stories and hilarious observations. All life's most perplexing questions answered: UFOs, Crop Circles and Alien invasions ? Where is the Mona Lisa? (clue: it's not in the Louvre) ? Is the Loch Ness Monster really a circus elephant? ? Will the real Paul McCartney please stand up? ? What happened to the Mary Celeste? ? Who killed Marilyn Monroe? ? What was Agatha Christie's own mystery? ? Who was Jack the Ripper? and many, many more... With enough entertaining information to fuel hundreds of pub conversations, fascinating illustrations and all kinds of discoveries to surprise even the most expert conspiracy theorist , Albert Jack's Ten Minute Mysteries is the perfect present for anybody who's ever wondered why...
Anybody Out There: British Book Awards Author of the Year 2022 (Walsh Family)
by Marian Keyes*** CONGRATULATIONS TO THE BRITISH BOOK AWARDS AUTHOR OF THE YEAR 2022***Discover the warm, witty and compelling story of a woman trying to get her life back on track, from the No. 1 bestselling author of Grown Ups'Searingly insightful, Keyes finds lightness in the darkest and most violent of emotions' Independent'High quality entertainment' Marie Claire_________Meet Anna Walsh. Lying in her parents' Good Front Room, covered in bandages, Anna dreams of leaving Dublin and returning to her beloved New York.To her home. To her job. And most of all to her husband Aidan.Unfortunately, her family have other ideas. She's staying put. And Aidan? He's refusing to even take her calls. The last thing Anna wants is to think about how she ended up in this mess. But with nothing else to do, she's forced to ask herself why she's thousands of miles from the life she loves. Where did it all go wrong? And can she fix it, before it's too late? Love the Walsh sisters? Don't miss out on the eagerly awaited sequel to Rachel's Holiday: AGAIN, RACHEL . . ._________'A wonderful, subtle, hilarious and highly sophisticated novel' Evening Standard'Richly enjoyable' Daily TelegraphFAMOUS FANS AND WHY THEY LOVE MARIAN KEYES'Marian's writing is the truth. With big laughs' Dawn French'A giant of Irish writing' Naoise Dolan'Will make you laugh and make you cry, but will also reveal the truth of who you really are' Louise O'Neill'Keyes weaves the joy and pain of life in a unique and magical way' Cathy Rentzenbrink'One of the most honest writers writing today' Pandora Sykes'Compassionate, tender, incisive writing' Lucy Foley'Her talent for tackling serious issues with such humanity and wit is balm for the soul' Nigella Lawson'Marian Keyes is a brilliant writer. No one is better at making terrifically funny jokes while telling such important, perceptive and agonizing stories of the heart. She is a genius' Sali Hughes'Irresistible, profound. Keyes's comic gift is always evident' Independent'Joyful. Keyes' clever way with words and extraordinary wit. People stared at me as I laughed to myself' C.L. Taylor'A born storyteller' Independent on Sunday
Death by Chocolate
by Toby MooreIn the Twenty-First Century of Our Lord, Christ the Fit, it has been illegal to be fat for three years, except in Louisiana and Alabama, where they cling to their chicken-fried-fullest-fat-cream-sodden-gumbo-dunkin'=mall-waddling-lives as if their souls depended on it. Matt Devlin is a Health Enforcement Agent. His is humdrum work, busting the eateasys selling illegal burgers and chocolate, checking weight permits, issuing tickets ... When a beautiful woman is found dead, dressed only in sweet-scented 'brown', Homicide call for help. It looks like murder, but is it also a food crime?'Imagine a world where fatty foods and chocolate are illegal, with health enforcement officers doing random spot checks to ensure that you fit into your weight bracket. Well, that's the setting behind this intriguing murder mystery, where a girl is found dead, dressed only in chocolate ... [Toby Moore] gets you turning those pages, trying to suss out who the guilty party is before the detectives do. Brilliant!' New Woman
Erewhon: Or, Over The Range (Çol. Utopias Ser.)
by Samuel Butler Peter MudfordSetting out to make his fortune in a far-off country, a young traveller discovers the remote and beautiful land of Erewhon and is given a home among its extraordinarily handsome citizens. But their visitor soon discovers that this seemingly ideal community has its faults - here crime is treated indulgently as a malady to be cured, while illness, poverty and misfortune are cruelly punished, and all machines have been superstitiously destroyed after a bizarre prophecy. Can he survive in a world where morality is turned upside down? Inspired by Samuel Butler's years in colonial New Zealand and by his reading of Darwin's Origin of Species, Erewhon (1872) is a highly original, irreverent and humorous satire on conventional virtues, religious hypocrisy and the unthinking acceptance of beliefs.
In My Sister's Shoes
by Sinéad MoriartyIn one of the many fantastic reviews for Sinéad Moriarty's fourth novel, In My Sister's Shoes, the reviewer praised Sinéad's ability to apply 'the light tender touch to dark, painful subjects'. It's a perfect description of how Sinéad tells the story of a younger sister stepping in to help out when her older sister is diagnosed with cancer. In a similar way to Marian Keyes, Sinéad manages to balance light and dark with wonderful finesse, warmth and humour.Kate O'Brien is thirty and has very little to think about except trying to keep her balance as she totters up London's media-land ladder.Fiona O'Brien is Kate's responsible older sister - with a husband, twin boys, a dog and now ... a life-changing problem.It's a problem that means Kate going back to Dublin. Pronto. There she finds herself stepping into Fiona's shoes - and discovering that she's definitely not cut out to be a domestic goddess. On top of that, the ex she thought she'd got over years ago turns up to haunt her.Will either of the O'Brien sisters survive? And even if they do, can either of them slip back into their old shoes ever again?Sinéad Moriarty's novels have sold over half a million copies in Ireland and the UK and she is a four times nominee for the popular fiction Irish Book Award. She has won over readers and critics telling stories that are funny, humane, moving and relevant to modern women. In My Sister's Shoes is Sinéad at her very best.Sinéad Moriarty lives with her family in Dublin. Her other titles are: The Baby Trail; A Perfect Match; From Here to Maternity; Keeping It In the Family (also titled Whose Life Is It Anyway?); Pieces of My Heart; Me and My Sisters and This Child of Mine.
L'Affaire
by Diane JohnsonA wickedly funny and observant novel about the delicate questions of love, death and money.Amy Hawkins, Californian millionairess, is travelling in Europe, to find her culture, her roots and a cause to which she might devote her considerable fortune. She lands at one of the finest small hotels in the French Alps - a hotel noted for skiing and its famous cooking lessons - and soon finds that Americans are not the flavour of the month in France.A few days into her trip, she narrowly survives an avalanche. Two of the hotel's other guests, English publisher Adrian Venn and his much younger wife Kerry, are not as fortunate and both lie comatose in a nearby hospital. Amy steps in as Adrian's children - young and old, legitimate and illegitimate - assemble in Valmeri to protect their interests should he not pull through, and in her innocence sets in motion a series of events in France and England that threaten to topple carefully built family alliances once and for all. Add one or two small affaires and soon it is, as the French would say, a situation.
Superloo: Queen Victoria's Potty (Superloo Ser. #Vol. 4)
by W. C. FlushingSuperloo has an ego as big as a planet, a microchip that belongs to NASA and a mission to rescue its toilet ancestors from the past. In this fourth book, it's off to Victorian times with Finn, his reluctant human helper, to rescue the magnificent musical 1812 Overture Toilet, designed by the great Sir Walter Closet. Along the way Finn gets stuck in a chimney while Superloo ends up at the bottom of the river - but nothing stops our heroes when there's a toilet in peril! A rollicking, rumbustious ride through Victorian times, involving slums, evil factory owners and a great deal you never knew about Victorian potties.All history books should be like this!
The Fat Ladies Club: Facing the First Five Years
by Andrea Bettridge Hilary Gardener Lyndsey Lawrence Sarah GrovesFollowing up from the huge success of their first book, The Fat Ladies Club now write about their experiences as mums of under 5's. In their refreshingly open and intimate style, they talk about all the issues that every new mum faces ...How do you deal with a toddler who will only eat chocolate? How do you juggle a second and third child into your hectic life? What do you do when your potty trained child does a wee on a fake tree in a restaurant? Will you ever get a full night's sleep again, without the entire family ending up in one bed? What happens to your sex and social lives? And how on earth will you cope when you eventually have to wave goodbye to your child on their first day of school?