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Trump’s Christmas Carol
by Lucien Young Watt T. Dickens‘I have the best ghosts, everyone says so’President Ebenezer Trump is a rich old fool, whose heart is as small as his hands and whose words are as false as his hair. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by three spirits, all intent on changing his evil ways: Bill Clinton, the jovial Ghost of Christmas Past; Barack Obama, the big-eared Ghost of Christmas Present; and the terrifying Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who shows him how abolishing Obamacare will finish off Tiny Tim…'This Scrooge is gonna be yooooge...'
This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare
by Gabourey SidibeThe Oscar-nominated Precious star and Empire actress delivers a much-awaited memoir which is wise, complex, smart and funny.This Is Just My Face is the whirlwind tour of Gabourey Sidibe’s life so far. In it, we meet her polygamous father, her gifted mother who fed the family by busking on the subway, and the psychic who told her she’d one day be ‘famous like Oprah’. Gabby shows us round the Harlem studio apartment where she grew up, relives the debilitating depression that hit her at college, and reminisces about her first ever job as a phone sex ‘talker’ (less creepy than you’d think). With exhilaratingly honest (and often hilarious) dispatches on friendship, depression, celebrity, haters, fashion, race, and weight, This Is Just My Face will resonate with anyone who has ever felt different - and with anyone who has ever felt inspired to make a dream come true.'Frank, funny, and insanely charming' Lena Dunham'A read that lives up to the unforgettable attitude of its name' Glamour'You’re the BOMB, girl!' President Barack Obama
This Book Will Send You to Sleep
by Professor K. McCoy Dr HardwickSleep smarter‘The indispensable bedside classic’ Leland Carlson, Assistant Vice President of the Dull Men’s ClubThis Book Will Send You to Sleep makes no claims to be fun or interesting. It is a book you can read in full confidence that you will find absolutely nothing to stimulate your brain. A book, like any other, that will afford you much sleep and copious amounts of pointless knowledge.Where else will you read about the political crisis in Belgium 2007–2011 or the recent developments in the taxonomy of molluscs? And where else can you find, in one place: a summary of the administrative bureaucracy of the Byzantine Empire? A world almanac of pickled cucumbers? The measurement of the linear density of fibre? 'Prepare to fall fast asleep with the most boring book ever published' Tim Jones, sleep specialist
F*** You Very Much: The surprising truth about why people are so rude
by Danny WallaceYou're not imagining it. People are getting ruder. And this is a serious problem.The book that inspired the iTunes Top Ten podcast Did you know that even one rude comment in a life and death situation can decrease a surgeon’s performance by as much as 50%? That we say we don’t want rude politicians, but we vote for them anyway? Or that rude language can sway a jury in a criminal case?Bestselling writer and broadcaster Danny Wallace (Yes Man, Awkward Situations For Men), is on a mission to understand where we have gone wrong. He travels the world interviewing neuroscientists, psychologists, NASA scientists, barristers, bin men, and bellboys. He joins a Radical Honesty group in Germany, talks to drivers about road rage in LA, and confronts his own online troll in a pub.And in doing so, he uncovers the latest thinking about how we behave, how rudeness, once unleashed, can spread like a virus – and how even one flippant remark can snowball into disaster.As insightful and enthralling as it is highly entertaining, F*** You Very Much* is an eye-opening exploration into the worst side of human behaviour."A cry for human decency… deliciously hilarious. I politely encourage you to read this book. Immediately." Adam Grant author of Originals, Give and Take, Option B*This book was originally published under the title, I Can’t Believe You Just Said That. But we decided it just wasn’t rude enough...
Desperately Seeking Summer: The perfect feel-good Greek romantic comedy to read on the beach this summer
by Mandy BaggotA Greek getaway you won't forget...Escape to Greece with the perfect feel-good book to read on the beach this summer. If you love Kat French and Sarah Morgan, you'll love Mandy Baggot's sizzling summer romantic comedies. Abby Dolan is having a very bad day... In twenty-four hours, she's lost her job and her boyfriend. Single and with nothing left to lose, she's headed for a Corfu escape to spend time with her family while she heals her broken heart.Only her mum and sister's estate agency 'Desperately Seeking' is just that, desperate! Instead of the relaxing, sunshine holiday she'd hoped for, Abby finds herself spending her break helping get the business back on its feet. Determined to attract new clients and give her family a second chance at success, she finds the perfect property to sell in Villa Pappas complete with gorgeous gardener, Theo.Perhaps working this summer could be a welcome distraction after all. But Theo has his own secrets and Abby isn't the only thing he wants to take off the market...
Attack of the Flickering Skeletons: More Terrible Old Games You’ve Probably Never Heard Of
by Stuart AshenWelcome to a world of games you never knew existed. You will probably wish you still didn’t.YouTube sensation Stuart Ashen is back with his second instalment of terrible old computer games you’ve probably never heard of... because what the world needs right now is to know exactly how bad Domain of the Undead for the Atari 8-bit computers was.Attack of the Flickering Skeletons is even bigger than the original Terrible Old Games You’ve Probably Never Heard Of – this second excavation of gaming’s buried past will not only unearth more appalling excuses for digital entertainment, but also feature guest contributors and several special interest chapters not based around single specific games. These are NOT the games you’ve heard of a million times in YouTube videos. This is a compilation of truly obscure and dreadful games. Dripping with wry humour and featuring the best, worst graphics from the games themselves, this book encapsulates the atrocities produced in the days of tight budgets and low quality controls. These are even more appalling games that leaked from the industry’s tear ducts, taken down from the dusty shelves of history by the man who has somehow made a living by sticking rubbish on a sofa and talking about it.
Annabel vs the Internet: The time I infiltrated Google HQ and other adventures
by Annabel PortAnnabel Port has found herself in some bizarre and, let’s say, diverse situations. She’s sneaked around Google HQ in search of ball pools. She’s exhibited her own conceptual art at the Tate Modern (unofficially). She’s been a real-life shop mannequin at Mulberry. There were the attempts to overthrow Prince Andrew and befriend Vladimir Putin, as well as become an erotic-fiction writer, a self-help guru and immortal.“BUT WHY?” you might ask. “I mean, befriending Putin makes sense, but who’d want to write erotic fiction?!”The answer is this: Annabel’s spent the bulk of her professional life working as a radio presenter, and some time ago, her co-presenter, Geoff Lloyd, grew concerned that she was slipping into a premature old age – although he mostly just wanted to make amusing radio. So, the challenges began, and Annabel transformed into someone more daring than she’d ever imagined.Annabel vs the Internet is a hilarious, off-kilter and entirely true collection of Annabel’s favourite stories from these challenges that’ll leave you marvelling at the kindness of strangers and dumbfounded by Annabel’s audacity.
21st-Century Yokel: Cats Of The River (Tom Cox's Country Yokel Posters Ser.)
by Tom Cox21st-Century Yokel explores the way we can be tied inescapably to landscape, whether we like it or not, often through our family and our past. It’s not quite a nature book, not quite a humour book, not quite a family memoir, not quite folklore, not quite social history, not quite a collection of essays, but a bit of all six.It contains owls, badgers, ponies, beavers, otters, bats, bees, scarecrows, dogs, ghosts, Tom’s loud and excitable dad and, yes, even a few cats. It’s full of Devon’s local folklore – the ancient kind, and the everyday kind – and provincial places and small things. But what emerges from this focus on the small are themes that are broader and bigger and more definitive.The book’s language is colloquial and easy and its eleven chapters are discursive and wide-ranging, rambling even. The feel of the book has a lot in common with the country walks Tom Cox was on when he composed much of it: it’s bewitched by fresh air, intrepid in minor ways, haunted by weather and old stories and the spooky edges of the outdoors, restless, sometimes foolish, and prone to a few detours... but it always reaches its intended destination.The book is illustrated with Tom’s own landscape photographs and linocuts by his mother.
The Freewheeling John Dowie
by John DowieMy comedy career began in 1971, which proves I have no comic timing. In 1971 there were no comedy clubs, no comedy agents and not much comedy future.Inspired by Spike Milligan, John Dowie embarked on his comedy career in a time when such a thing was virtually unheard of, and then, just as alternative comedy began to be recognised by popular culture, he quit. And so began his next obsession – riding his bike.Having been blessed (or cursed) with an addictive personality, Dowie quickly realises that what was once a simple hobby – cycling – will soon become something very different…This book follows a similar route to his cycling habits: it meanders from place to place, occasionally gets lost but is unfailingly entertaining. Wending his way through France and Holland, round the lanes of Norfolk and over the hills of Devon, Dowie expertly leads his readers on a delightful journey through the trials, tribulations and triumphs of his life so far.
Why Do Birds Suddenly Disappear? 200 birds, 12 months, 1 lapsed birdwatcher: A Year of Atrocious Birdwatching
by Lev ParikianAt twelve years old, Lev Parikian was an avid birdwatcher. He was also a fraud, a liar and a cheat. Those lists of birds seen and ticked off? Lies. One hundred and thirty species? More like sixty.Then, when he turned fifty, he decided to right his childhood wrongs. He would go birdwatching again. He would not lie. He would aim to see two hundred species of British bird in a year.Why Do Birds Suddenly Disappear? is the story of that year, a story about birds, family, music, nostalgia, the nature of obsession and obsession with nature. It’s about finding adventure in life when you twig it’s shorter than you thought, and about losing and regaining contact with the sights, sounds and smells of the natural world.It’s a book for anyone who has ever seen a small brown bird and wondered what it was, or tried to make sense of a world in which we can ask, ‘What’s that bird?’ and ‘What’s for lunch?’ and get the same answer.
Bad Romance
by Emily HillTales from the happily never afterAt a wedding, one woman’s revenge comes in the shape of her heavily pregnant belly. As a career girl attempts to climb the ladder she slides down into ever more grotesque flatshares. A single woman who always attends parties alone realises that the truth might not always be the best answer. And one Londoner learns her most important lesson since moving to the city – never act friendly towards a stranger.Bad Romance is dark, hilarious and moving by turn as Emily Hill’s acid wit gives life to the women whose tales never normally make it into the storybooks.
The Bolds' Great Adventure: World Book Day 2018 (The Bolds)
by Julian Clary David RobertsFasten your seatbelts - it's a special adventure for World Book Day with Teddington's wildest family! Learn just how our intrepid hyenas managed to get from their African safari park onto the plane and off to their new home in England. It's quite a remarkable, and some would say, unbelievable tale - but there are many laughs along the way!
The Bolds in Trouble (The Bolds #4)
by Julian Clary David RobertsThe Bolds are back for another hilarious tale!This time, Teddington's wildest family have decided to stay at home and keep their heads down - it isn't always easy hiding tails and fur under clothes, and it's important not to raise suspicion amongst their human neighbours. But trouble soon comes skulking when a very sly fox starts making a big nuisance of himself. It's up to the Bolds to try and stop him - but the solution has them foxed...
How to Argue with a Cat: A Human's Guide to the Art of Persuasion
by Jay HeinrichsIf you can persuade a cat ... you can persuade anyone. This is the essential guide to getting your way. Jay Heinrichs, award-winning author of Thank You for Arguing and advisor to the Pentagon, NASA and Fortune 500 companies, distils a lifetime of negotiating and rhetoric to show you how to win over anyone - from colleagues and bosses, to friends and partners at home (and even the most stubborn of feline adversaries).You'll learn to:Perfect your timing - learn exactly when to pounceGet your body language, tone and gesture just rightThink about what your opponent wants - always offer a comfy lapLure them in by making them think they have the powerThe result? A happy, hopefully scratch-free, resolution.'Jay Heinrichs knows a thing or two about arguing' The Times'A master rhetorician and persuasion guru' Salon'You got a bunch of logical engineers to inject pathosinto their arguments ... it works!' NASA engineer
The Little Book of Emoji Insults
by Pop PressIf you can't say something nice... say it in emoji.Shock your friends and family with this brilliantly offensive collection of emoji put-downs and comebacks.With this handy guide, the endless potential for a punishing emoji burn will be opened to you like never before – far beyond just relying on the classic middle finger symbol. From everyday insults to brutal Shakespearean zingers, classic movie put-downs to the best ‘your mum’ jokes, this is your complete phrasebook for the ever more savage world of emoji insults.
Home Game: An Accidental Guide to Fatherhood
by Michael LewisHere, with his remorseless eye for the truth, the bestselling author of Liar's Poker turns his sights on his own domestic world. The result is a wickedly enjoyable cautionary tale.Lewis reveals his own unique take on fatherhood, dealing with the big issues and challenges of new-found paternity: from discovering your three-year-old loves to swear to the ethics of taking your offspring gambling at the races, from the carnage of clothing and feeding to the inevitable tantrums - of both parent and child - and the gradual realization that, despite everything, he's becoming hooked.Home Game is probably the most brazenly honest and entertaining book about parenting ever written.
The Lost Diaries of Adrian Mole, 1999-2001 (Adrian Mole Ser. #6)
by None Sue Townsend'Told with Townsend's trademark deadpan humour. To people of a certain age, Adrian Mole was their Harry Potter' News of the World Celebrate Adrian Mole's 50th Birthday with this new edition of the SIXTH BOOK in his diaries where Adrian, Leicester's most unlikely ex-con, faces the nit-infested reality of being a single parent.--------------------------- Monday January 3, 2000 So how do I greet the New Millennium? In despair. I'm a single parent, I live with my mother . . . I have a bald spot the size of a jaffa cake on the back of my head . . . I can't go on like this, drifting into early middle-age. I need a Life Plan . . . The 'same age as Jesus when he died', Adrian Mole has become a martyr: a single-father bringing up two young boys in an uncaring world. With the ever-unattainable Pandora pursuing her ambition to become Labour's first female PM; his over-achieving half-brother Brett sponging off him; and literary success ever-elusive, Adrian tries to make ends meet and find a purpose. But little does he realise that his own modest life is about to come to the attention of those charged with policing The War Against Terror . . . 'An achingly funny anti-hero' Daily Mail 'One of the great comic creations of our time. Almost every page of his diaries bring a smile to the face' Scotsman 'The funniest person in the world' Caitlin Moran
Auntie Mame: An Irreverent Escapade (Penguin Modern Classics)
by Patrick DennisWhen shy young heir Patrick is orphaned at the age of ten, the only family he has is his wealthy and eccentric aunt, a New York socialite named Mame. Prone to dramatic costumes, flights of fancy and expensive whims, Mame will raise Patrick the only way she knows how - with humour, mishaps, unforgettable friends and lots of love. From progressive schooling and Mame's search for a husband to her short-lived literary career and the puncturing of some of Patrick's romances, Auntie Mame is the most magnificent and hilarious work of love, style, wit and the life of a modern American.
The Collected Stories of Rumpole
by John MortimerHorace Rumpole - witty, eloquent, dishevelled and cynical - is one of fiction's best-loved barristers-at-law. In these twenty classic tales, Rumpole battles through the Old Bailey, whether defending various members of an incompetent South London crime family, taking on haute-cuisine chefs and showfolk or mocking the pomposity of his own profession, all the while being held in check by his wife, Hilda: the wonderful, fearsome She Who Must Be Obeyed.These collected stories, in Penguin Modern Classics for the first time, are a definitive introduction to one of the wisest and wittiest characters in British comic writing and a reminder of what justice should really be about. With a new introduction by Sam Leith, former literary editor of the Daily Telegraph and contributor to the Evening Standard, Guardian and Spectator.
The Wrong Pong: Holiday Hullabaloo (The Wrong Pong #2)
by Steven ButlerHullo, My Brandyburp!Neville's Grandma Joan is the grumpiest, most horrible old woman there's ever been. He'd rather eat left-sock stew than see her, and now she's coming to stay for a WHOLE weekend. Oh dungle droppings! Even worse, a whole family of stinky, swampy trolls will be visiting Neville at the SAME TIME!Can Neville hide his friends from nosy Grandma Joan or will she get the FRIGHT of her life?
The Wrong Pong (The Wrong Pong #1)
by Steven Butler Chris FisherThe Wrong Pong by Steven Butler is a laugh-out-loud, stinky story for 5+ girls and boys.One night, Neville Brisket wakes up from a strange dream - a dream that there is a horrible, stumpy finger stuck up his nose. Then he finds his room in a mess, and his dog in the laundry basket.Neville's investigations end sposhily, when he is whooshed down the toilet to the land of Under! In a case of mistaken troll-dentity, he finds himself part of a disgusting new family. Will anybody help Neville get back to Over, or will he be stuck eating rat patties and left sock stew forever?This hilariously delivered tale will delight and disgust parents and children alike. Perfect for fans of Roald Dahl and Horrid Henry.'Horrid Henry's favourite book!' - Francesca Simon, author of Horrid Henry 'A triumphant debut which will have children clutching the loo-seat in apprehension and laughter' - Amanda Craig, The TimesSteven Butler is an actor, dancer and trained circus performer as well as a keen observer of trolls and their disgusting habits. He has starred in Peter Pan, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and as Henry in Horrid Henry Live and Horrid! His primary school headmaster was fantastically funny author Jeremy Strong.
Dear Dumb Diary: My Pants are Haunted (Dear Dumb Diary Ser. #2)
by Jim BentonThe (nearly) true confessions of Jamie Kelly.They were just an ordinary soft pair of second-hand jeans until Jamie Kelly tried them on. Then they became tight, smelly & scratchy - with a bit of a haunting problem! Do the pants have the power to soothe a vengeful beagle, vanquish The Prettiest Girl in the World, or make the wearer irresistible to the eighth cutest guy in school? Or are the haunted pants just, well, haunted? Kind of gross when you think about it...
Dear Dumb Diary: Am I the Princess or the Frog? (Dear Dumb Diary Ser. #3)
by Jim BentonMore of the (nearly) true and absolutely hilarious confessions of Jamie Kelly . . . Jamie's best friend is planning to display a picture of Jamie next to her disgustingly stinky beagle, as part of a project to show how pets look like their people. Gee, thanks.And her mum, in a twisted plot created by the school dinner ladies, has been asked to cook meatloaf for the whole school. Mum's cooking - known for its ability to poison anyone who touches it. Mum's meatloaf - the food that even Stinker turns his nose up at.Can Jamie survive the shame?
Wrong Pong: Troll's Treasure (The Wrong Pong #3)
by Steven ButlerNeville's adventures continue when he is faced with a band of troll pirates! As if that isn't rotsome enough, the evil troll Jaundice is back...oh dungle droppings!The third book in Steven Butler's troll-tastic series will delight and disgust parents and children alike.
Jenny Q, Unravelled!
by Pauline McLynnJenny Q, Unravelled is the next book in the hilarious series from Father Ted and Shameless star Pauline McLynn. I'm Jenny Q.How do you do?I am officially a middle child since the baby bro arrived. But it's OK because he is the best little bundle ever. Even my big brother's group Ten Guitars are well into the lil dude. That includes the gorgeous Stevie Lee Bolton with his looks that just mesmerise me!And now my bro's asked me to handle their fan mail - I'll be secretary to the hottest boyband in Dublin! Will Stevie Lee FINALLY notice me?But in between babies, boys and crazy band fans, will I have enough time to help Dad or look after exhausted Mum before everything becomes UNRAVELLED!She's funny, frank and a surprisingly good knitter, meet Jenny Q.** Perfect for fans of Adrian Mole and Louise Rennison.'Creative, funny, and burdened with just the right amount of teen angst . . . very entertaining' Anna Carey, Irish Times About the author:Pauline McLynn lives in Dublin with her husband, Richard, and two cats named Brenda and Alice. She used to have other cats too - Mutt, Geoff, Noel, Brendan, Snubby and Geezee. When she was growing up in Galway, in the west of Ireland, her family had dogs - Roberta, Lady Pink Weasel, Dennis and TD. Her brothers used to call her 'verucca head' and 'hook nose' (serio) but they don't do that any more, at least not to her face, which is good. She has a wonky, crackly right knee from doing Irish Dancing (probably the wrong way!) when she was younger. Pauline still loves performing and is now an award-winning actor, perhaps best-known for playing the role of Mrs Doyle in Father Ted and Libby Croker in Shameless. She is also very good at knitting and has written eight other novels, but Jenny Q is her first series for teenagers.