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Tell Him He's Pele: The Greatest Collection of Humorous Football Quotations Ever!
by Phil ShawMy parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about seven - David BeckhamFor Tony to admit he is an alcoholic took an awful lot of bottle - Ian Wright on Tony AdamsI've been playing in a golf day for a boy seriously injured in a car accident. I had to drive like a lunatic to get here - Ray Houghton, TalkSport football pundit, on why he was late on-airReporter: What would you be if you weren't a footballer?Peter Crouch: A virgin.I've never been so certain about anything in my life. I want to be a coach. Or a manager. I'm not sure which - Phil NevilleFootballers may not be known for their profound insights, but it seems no one in the game is above a mixed metaphor or confused cliché. From Harry Redknapp to Martin O'Neill, Patrice Evra to Jason McAteer, see the funny side of the beautiful game with this hilarious collection of verbal own goals. Packed full of hilarious quotes, quips and misfires from the biggest names in football, Tell Him He's Pele is a must for everyone with a sense of humour.
Teepee for Two (The Happy Glampers #3)
by Daisy Tate‘Amazing characters and funny storyline’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Amazon reviewer ‘You are going to love this series! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Goodreads reviewer ‘Lovely tale of female friendships’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Goodreads reviewer
The Teenage Years: Book 1 (Dark Lord #1)
by Jamie ThomsonWinner of the 2012 Roald Dahl Funny Prize!Thirteen-year-old schoolboy, Dirk Lloyd, has a dark secret - in fact he is a dark secret. Dirk - according to his own account - is the earthly incarnation of a Dark Lord, supreme ruler of the Darklands and leader of great armies of orcs and warriors, intent on destruction and bloody devastation. Following a colossal final battle between the forces of good and evil, the Dark Lord was defeated and hurled by his arch-foe's spells into the Pit of Uttermost Despair. At the bottom of the Pit lies...a supermarket car park in the municipal town of Whiteshields, somewhere in modern day England. And when he is found, and tries to explain that he is the Dark Lord, people think he means Dirk Lloyd. The fact that he's trapped in the puny body of a schoolboy doesn't help. And so begins Dirk's battle to recover his dignity, his power, and his lands... Along the way he faces the inconvenience of being fostered by a do-gooding family, the Purejoies; the torture of endless hours of drudgery at the Whiteshields Brainwashing Centre (aka school); a vengeful Headmaster; two interfering Psychotic Persecutors (psychotherapists); and constant laughter and disrespect when he attempts to marshall his lackeys and lickspittles (friends) to do what he wants them to.Dirk makes friends with the son of his foster family, Christopher, and the local Goth Girl, Sooz, and together they attempt to cast a spell that will transport Dirk back to his homeland. Inevitably, not everything goes to plan... But that's for book 2Roald Dahl Prize winner, 2012.
Teenage Revolution: Growing Up In The 80s
by Alan DaviesWhen Alan Davies was growing up he seemed to drive his family mad. 'What are we going to do with you?' they would ask - as if he might know the answer.Perhaps it was because he came of age in the 1980s. That decade of big hair, greed, camp music, mass unemployment, social unrest and truly shameful trousers was confusing for teenagers. There was a lot to believe in - so much to stand for, or stand against - and Alan decided to join anything with the word 'anti' in it. He was looking for heroes to guide him (relatively) unscathed into adulthood.From his chronic kleptomania to the moving search for his mother's grave years after she died; from his obsession with joining (going so far as to become a member of Chickens Lib) to his first forays into making people laugh (not always intentionally); Teenage Revolution is a touching and funny return to the formative years that make us all.
Teen Idol
by Meg CabotTeen Idol by Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries, is a hilarious and romantic story with a touch of Hollywood glamour! Everyone loves Jen Greenley. But being the world's best listener doesn't always get you too far. Until Jen's asked to look after 'Lucas Smith' – better known as Luke Striker, Hollywood's most famous teenage movie star, who's coming to Clayton to research a new role. Can Jen keep Luke's identity a secret? And can she manage not to lose her heart to the most gorgeous guy on the planet? Let's face it – Jen's starring in her very own Mission Impossible! Or is she?
Tee and Mo: Only One Mum
by HarperCollins Children’s BooksThis special Tee and Mo picture book is the perfect Mother’s Day present! This brand-new story is based on one of the most viewed songs on YouTube from the award-winning CBeebies preschool series Tee and Mo!
Teddy Bears of the Rich and Famous
by Mark LeighA fantastic gift book for all ages which imagines what the teddy bears of the rich and famous would look like.Even the most tyrannical of despots or the most scholarly of geniuses probably had a 'Mister Cuddles' or 'Big Ted' at some point in their childhood. As the book's title suggests, this is a collection of bears that could have belonged to the rich and famous. Whether it's politicians, heads of state, artists, spiritual leaders, inventors, revolutionaries, entertainers or entrepreneurs, the teddy bears reflect the personalities/traits of their owners.
Techniques of Illusion: A Cultural and Media History of Stage Magic in the Late Nineteenth Century (Routledge Advances in Theatre & Performance Studies)
by Katharina ReinThis book explores stage conjuring during its “golden age,” from about 1860 to 1910. This study provides close readings highlighting four paradigmatic illusions of the time that stand in for different kinds of illusions typical of stage magic in the “golden age” and analyses them within their cultural and media-historical context: “Pepper’s Ghost,” the archetypical mirror illusion; “The Vanishing Lady,” staging a teleportation in a time of a dizzying acceleration of transport; “the levitation,” simulating weightlessness with the help of an extended steel machinery; and “The Second Sight,” a mind-reading illusion using up-to-date communication technologies. These close readings are completed by writings focusing on visual media and expanding the scope backwards and forwards in time, roughly to 1800 and to 2000. This exploration will be of great interest to students and scholars in theatre and performance studies.
Techniques of Illusion: A Cultural and Media History of Stage Magic in the Late Nineteenth Century (Routledge Advances in Theatre & Performance Studies)
by Katharina ReinThis book explores stage conjuring during its “golden age,” from about 1860 to 1910. This study provides close readings highlighting four paradigmatic illusions of the time that stand in for different kinds of illusions typical of stage magic in the “golden age” and analyses them within their cultural and media-historical context: “Pepper’s Ghost,” the archetypical mirror illusion; “The Vanishing Lady,” staging a teleportation in a time of a dizzying acceleration of transport; “the levitation,” simulating weightlessness with the help of an extended steel machinery; and “The Second Sight,” a mind-reading illusion using up-to-date communication technologies. These close readings are completed by writings focusing on visual media and expanding the scope backwards and forwards in time, roughly to 1800 and to 2000. This exploration will be of great interest to students and scholars in theatre and performance studies.
Technically Yours
by Denise WilliamsA brand new romcom from Denise Williams, author of How to Fail at Flirting, The Fastest Way to Fall and Do You Take This Man. Seven years ago, he fell in love with a stranger he couldn't have - today, she's back in his life and the sparks between them threaten to set her career on fire. Pearl Harris has learned the hard way to be careful in work and in love. When she is appointed acting director of OurCode, a nonprofit aimed at inspiring high schoolers to code, she has a chance to make lasting change for the organization, but a scandal has put their reputation at risk. Further complicating matters, Pearl didn't expect the one man she hasn't stopped thinking about in seven years to be the newest member of her board of directors. Cord Matthews fell for Pearl when they met in an elevator seven years ago. She's just his type: smart, capable, and makes him laugh, but when she broke his heart, he decided love wasn't for him. After five years with no contact, their connection is immediate despite the many roadblocks in their way and Cord must consider breaking his ban on serious relationships. But going public with a romance between them might derail Pearl's career and the progress she's made at OurCode. Pearl and Cord both are hesitant to trust their feelings and take a risk as they grow closer, but it becomes impossible to keep ignoring the electricity between them. Cord is a skilled programmer, but a workplace romance might spell disaster for both of them, and love isn't easily debugged.
Teapot Trouble: A Duck and Tiny Horse Adventure
by Morag Hood"It's a hoot." - The Sunday Times.Perfect for reading aloud, Teapot Trouble is a warm and silly picture book that children (and adults) will find hilarious. Something or someone is living inside Duck's teapot! Who are they? What do they want? How will we get them out? Never fear, for Tiny Horse is here! Tiny Horse has a trampoline. She has a magnificent hat. She has a stick of celery. What more could anyone need to save the day?A laugh-out-loud story with a message about kindness, starring Duck and Tiny Horse, the brilliantly funny duo from Spaghetti Hunters, described by the Sunday Times as 'wacky and funny'. Morag Hood is the award-winning creator of When Grandad Was a Penguin, The Steves and I Am Bat.
#Team Bride: How To Plan The Perfect Party For Your Bff
by HarperCollins#TEAMBRIDE is the essential handbook to make sure your BFF has the hen party of her dreams!
Teachers Are From Mars, Pupils Are From Venus: School Joke Book
by John ByrneAs you've probably realised, kids and teachers are two entirely different species. Why do teachers behave so oddly? Because they're from a different planet, that's why! But remember, they think the odd things you do are just as funny! And in this little book the jokes are on everyone - so prepare for classroom chaos!
Teach Yourself Mothercraft
by Sister Mary MartinLearn how to have a happy baby and a happy home with this charming guide to the essentials of mothercraft. Keep yourself well, share the journey with your partner, and watch your little one with pride, developing every day under your loving care.Since 1938, millions of people have learned to the things they love with Teach Yourself. Welcome to the how-to guides that changed the modern world.FIRST PUBLISHED IN 1950.
Teach Yourself Good Manners: The classic guide to etiquette
by W S NormanOriginally published in 1958, Teach Yourself Good Manners is a fascinating guide, packed full of both timeless advice and tips that demonstrate just how much life has changed in the 60 years since it published. Indeed, the author, W S Norman, would doubtless be horrified by modern manners and would implore us to study his rather uptight but very funny rules for modern living. Amusing, intriguing and sometimes rather inspiring, this handbook is a window into how life would have looked had we lived in a 'a simpler age' - in which, confusingly, they had rather a lot of strange rules.Since 1938, millions of people have learned to do the things they love with Teach Yourself. Welcome to the how-to guides that changed the modern world.
Teach My Dog To Do That
by Jo-Rosie Haffenden Nando Brown Pilmsoll ProductionsJoin Jo-Rosie Haffenden and Nando Brown, the animal trainers from ITV’s Teach My Pet To Do That, as they reveal how any dog can learn new tricks.This simple, practical guide will have you and your pooch mastering the basics of trick training in no time and opening up a whole new world of fun for both of you. Whether they’re shy and retiring, or love the limelight, in Teach My Dog to Do That, there’s something for every type. Trick-training is a great way to get to know your dog better, deepen your bond and help keep them keep fit and stimulated. Full of hints, tips and photographs and taking you from the very simplest training fundamentals to show-stopping tricks like “Dog Yoga” and “Tidy Your Toys”, the only limit to where you end up is your imagination.
Teach My Cat to Do That
by Jo-Rosie Haffenden Pilmsoll Productions Nando BrownJoin Jo-Rosie Haffenden and Nando Brown, the animal trainers from ITV’s hit show Teach My Pet To Do That, as they reveal the surprising truth about training cats. You might think that cats don’t do obedience, but this simple, practical guide will have you and your cat mastering the basics of trick training in no time and will open up a whole new world of fun for both of you. Whether your feline is shy and retiring, or loves the limelight, there’s something in Teach My Cat to Do That for every personality type. Trick-training is a great way to get to know your cat better, deepen your bond and help keep them keep fit and stimulated. Full of hints, tips and photographs, and taking you from the very simplest training fundamentals to show-stopping tricks like ‘Ring the Bell for Dinner’ and ’Wipe Your Feet’, the only limit to where you end up is your imagination.
The Tea Shop on Lavender Lane (Life in Icicle Falls #5)
by Sheila RobertsWhen it comes to men, sisters don't share!
The Tea Ladies of St Jude's Hospital
by Joanna NellThe heartwarming and hilarious new novel by the author of cherished bestsellers, The Single Ladies of Jacaranda Retirement Village and The Great Escape from Woodlands Nursing HomeThe Marjorie Marshall Memorial Cafeteria has been serving refreshments and raising money at the hospital for over fifty years, long after anybody can remember who Marjorie Marshall actually was. Staffed by successive generations of dedicated volunteers, the beloved cafeteria is known as much for offering a kind word and sympathetic ear (and often unsolicited life advice) as for its tea and buns.Stalwart Hilary has worked her way up through the ranks to Manageress; Joy has been late every day since she started as the cafeteria's newest recruit. She doesn't take her role as 'the intern' quite as seriously as Hilary would like but there's no doubt she brings a welcome pop of personality. Seventeen-year-old Chloe, the daughter of two successful surgeons, is volunteering during the school holidays because her mother thinks it will look good on her CV. Chloe is at first bewildered by the two older women but soon realises they have a lot in common, not least that each bears a secret pain. When they discover the cafeteria is under threat of closure, this unlikely trio must band together to save it.'The Tea Ladies is a delight. Warm characters and observations and great pace' AMANDA HAMPSONPraise for the novels of Joanna Nell:'Tender and funny' Woman's Weekly'Whip-smart dialogue, humour and sarcasm ... highly addictive' Sun Herald'Lively and whimsical' Sydney Morning Herald
The Tea Ladies of St Jude's Hospital: The uplifting and poignant story you need in 2022
by Joanna NellThe heartwarming and hilarious new novel from the bestselling author of THE SINGLE LADIES OF JACARANDA RETIREMENT VILLAGEThree unlikely friends. A lot of scones. And one chance to save the community...The Marjorie Marshall Memorial Cafeteria is at the heart of St Jude's Hospital. Staffed by successive generations of dedicated volunteers, for over fifty years the beloved cafeteria has been serving up a kind word and sympathetic ear along with tea and scones. Hilary, the stalwart Manageress, has worked her way up through the ranks; Joy, the latest recruit, is driving Hilary mad by arriving late every day; and seventeen-year-old Chloe, the daughter of two successful surgeons, is volunteering in the holidays and bemused by the older women. But when they discover the cafeteria is under threat of closure, the unlikely trio must put aside their differences. As they realise the secrets and sorrows they have in common, the women grow closer - but can they bring the community together and save the day? Full of wisdom and warmth, The Tea Ladies of St Jude's Hospital is a gorgeously poignant, hilarious story about unlikely friendships, growing old disgracefully, and coming together to save the things we love...***Praise for Joanna Nell: 'Hugely entertaining . . . funny and heart-warming' - Woman & Home'A gentle, warm-hearted book that had me rooting for all the characters and laughing out loud at points. A book that shows it is never too late to learn how to live, to make new friends and to fall in love.' - Libby Page, author of The Lido'A warm and touching story with a cast of characters who became my friends - I loved The Single Ladies of the Jacaranda Retirement Village with all its wit, wisdom and spirit' - Katie Marsh, author of The Rest of Me
Tea for Two at the Little Cornish Kitchen (The Little Cornish Kitchen #2)
by Jane LinfootSt Aidan: a cosy Cornish village where friendships are made for life and it’s always cocktail hour somewhere…
The Tea Chest
by Josephine Moon'I loved it - a perfect blend of sweet and spice.' Jenny ColganKate Fullerton, talented tea designer and now co-owner of The Tea Chest, could never have imagined that she'd be flying from Brisbane to London, risking her young family's future, to save the business she loves from the woman who wants to shut it down.Meanwhile, Leila Morton has just lost her job; and if Elizabeth Clancy had known today was the day she would appear on the nightly news, she might at least have put on some clothes. Both need to start again.When the three women's paths unexpectedly cross, they throw themselves into realising Kate's magical vision for London's branch of The Tea Chest. But every time success is within their grasp, increasing tensions damage their trust in each other.With the very real possibility that The Tea Chest will fail, Kate, Leila and Elizabeth must decide what's important to each of them. Are they willing to walk away or can they learn to believe in themselves?An enchanting, witty novel about the unexpected situations life throws at us, and how love and friendship help us through. Written with heart and infused with the seductive scents of bergamot, Indian spices, lemon, rose and caramel, it's a world you won't want to leave.
The Taylor TurboChaser
by David BaddielIt’s the latest Brilliant Blockbuster from bestselling Baddiel! A non-stop thrill-ride adventure that will have readers young and old racing to the finishing line.
The Tax Inspector (Vintage International Ser.)
by Peter CareyThe day that Benny Catchprice was fired from the spare parts department of Catchprice Motors by his aunt Cathy was also the day that the Tax Inspector, Maria Takis, arrived to begin her long-overdue audit of the family business. But this is no ordinary investigation. Maria is eight months' pregnant, Granny Catchprice is at war with her offspring, and Benny, her grandson, wants to become an angel...