- Table View
- List View
Sidesplitters: It's a Gas!
by MacmillanWhy did the alien take a bath? So he could make a clean getaway! Why are giraffes pleased they have such long necks? Because their feet smell awful! What do you get if you eat baked beans and onions? Tear gas!
Dancing with Mules
by Morag Prunty'IRISH AMERICAN BILLIONAIRE SEEKS BRIGHT, BEAUTIFUL, INDEPENDENT, BUT ABOVE ALL IRISH WIFE. PLEASE SEND PHOTO AND 300 WORD ESSAY ABOUT YOURSELF TO PO BOX NY14786. LOOKING FOR GENUINE LOVE. NO TIME-WASTING MONEY GRABBERS PLEASE.' LORNA has been twenty-five for nearly ten years and it's starting to show. Successful and sassy, her money's been spent on hard living and tough toyboys. She's hoping to pull her Ferrari into the last gas station before the desert. GLORIA is watching her hard earned business go up the nose of her womanising ex. Tired of life and not yet thirty, she's determined never to go back to poverty again. SANDY has other things on her mind. This is the story that could make or break her career as a journalist. But will her long red curls win her a husband into the bargain? Three women, one bolshy billionaire. Hopelessly romantic Mr Big has whittled down the single women of Ireland and now he's coming over to choose. Will he find a more crafty cat than the cooing colleen he was hoping for? Or will one of them strike gold?
Disco Daddy
by Morag PruntyIt's time to hang up your handbag and dance around your glitterball. Ex-model Valerie never imagined that her short marriage to leather-clad wildman Jack Valentine would herald the end of her life. Now she's fed up with being propositioned by playboys and longs for a safe, suburban husband who will look after her. Record producer Sinead has an appetite for 'scruffy pop totty'. She knows that they are never, on paper, an ideal solution, but she's never been able to relinquish her natural desires for a safe, settled, middle-aged man in a suit. Magazine editor Karin is the author of 'Ireland's Most Eligible Bachelor' list so, in theory, she should get first dibs at the pickings. Trouble is, she knows they are lean and include a flicky-haired Australian TV presenter and a business man with a penchant for golf-wear and creative combovers. When all three women are challenged for find a man to marry before they all turn forty in the summer, they realise the time has come to hang up their handbags and cut to the chase...
Poison Arrows
by Morag PruntyChristian is blond haired, blue eyed, and not just your average good looking boy - he's an angel. And when he's sent down from the heavenly offices above to sort out the love lives of the citizens of Gorb, a small town in the West of Ireland, he thinks he's got an easy billet - okay, he's not sure how he's going to drink all the cups of tea when he can't ingest, and maybe it's not as glamorous as Paris, but his job should still be a doddle. The complex lives of the people of Gorb are many fold: there's Mary, still a virgin, not bitter, but depserate to taste the real thing; Sandra, a Northern lap dancer, ready to give up all the grinding and bumping for life back in her roots; Moses, all flicked-back mullet and continually unloved, and Rose, once a true Irish beauty, and now a long suffering wife. And there are plenty more . . . .It is up to Christian - with a little help from his friends - to gild his arrow and point them at the hearts of those who need him most, but just how true is his aim? Highly original and very funny, this is an endearing novel of love, life and all that it carries from the best-selling author of Disco Daddy.
Superstar Lovers
by Morag PruntyEmploying her customary razor-like humour, Morag Prunty introduces a host of characters whose lives have been chewed up and spat out by this harsh, celebrity-obsessed world. There's Molly, a lonely 20-something, who trudges to the newsagents every day for her fix of VIP, OK!, Hello!: - anything to give her life a much-needed injection of glamour. . . And there's Alfie, burned-out boyband member who's kissed the good times goodbye and is now all washed up . . . In her inimitable way, Morag Prunty introduces a collection of fascinating characters and gives them a sprinkle of magic dust in this witty dissection of the vagaries of fame and celebrity.
The Bumper Book of Very Silly Jokes
by Macmillan Children's BooksHundreds of silly jokes on every topic you can think of! What's the difference between an elephant and a biscuit? You can't dunk an elephant in your tea. Why did the monster get good marks in his exam? Because two heads are better than one. What do you call a woman with a tortoise on her head? Shelley.
Christmas Jokes
by Macmillan Children's BooksWhy did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks What do ghosts put on their turkey at Christmas? Grave-y What do you call a penguin wearing ear muffs? Anything you like, he can't hear you! This hilarious collection of over 200 yuletide jokes is a must-have for the festive season. Featuring a brilliant collection of wintery puns and superbly silly black and white illustrations, you’d have to be Christmas crackers to miss it. The perfect stocking-filler for both boys and girls, these jokes will sleigh you!
Finding Colin Firth: One Summer. Three Women. And Mr Darcy.
by Mia MarchFrom the publishers of Bridget Jones’s Diary Only an idiot would attempt to make a pie – a special-ordered chocolate caramel cream Amore Pie – while watching Pride and Prejudice. Had she put in the vanilla? What about the salt? Damn Colin Firth and his pond-soaked white shirt. At home in Boothbay Harbour, Maine, Veronica Russo loves to lose herself in watching Colin Firth movies and baking pies filled with good thoughts. Pies that can bring you happiness, hope, even love (everything she feels when Colin Firth is on the screen, in fact). But Veronica is not so in touch with her own feelings and has deeply buried memories of that one heart-breaking summer, when she was just 16 . . . In Boston, college graduate Bea Crane has received an earth-shattering letter. A year after the death of her wonderful mum, she reads that she was adopted at birth and that her biological mother lives not that far away, in Boothbay. But is she brave enough to find out more? Gemma Hendricks has come to Boothbay not to find something, but to run away. She’s accidentally pregnant, suddenly unemployed and under pressure from her husband to give up on her career and settle down, away from her beloved New York City. With all this on her shoulders, Gemma would rather watch Bridget Jones’ Diary with a bowl of popcorn rather than face the truth. But she can’t hide away for ever. With Colin Firth in town to shoot a new movie, all three women find their lives become closely entwined. They might be looking out for Colin Firth at every turn, but they’ll also find new and important friendships along the way. The perfect feel-good read for anyone who loved Bridget Jones’ Diary, From Notting Hill with Love . . . Actually and The Jane Austen Book Club. *** This is a work of fiction, in no way endorsed by Colin Firth and where Colin Firth himself does not feature. ***
Paul Cookson's Joke Shop
by Paul CooksonPaul Cookson’s Joke Shop brings together his favourite poems, his funniest poems and his most memorable poems - as well as a selection of brand new unpublished favourites. Twenty five years of laughter can be found within these pages including gems such The Toilet Seat Has Teeth, Superman's Dog, Where Teacher's Keep Their Pets, Let No One Steal Your Dreams and many many more. Paul Cookson’s Joke Shop has been open for twenty five years - come back any time!
Brian Moses' School Report: Very funny poems about school
by Brian MosesFind out what goes on behind the staffroom door, join in at playtime, see what is in the mysterious lost-property box, go on the school trip, and discover what teachers do in their spare time - and that’s just the beginning of the school adventure in this brilliant collection of poems from the hugely talented Brian Moses.
Christmas Cracker Jokes
by Amanda LiA cracking collection of hilarious jokes to keep you chuckling not just during Christmas and the festive period, but the whole year roundWhat do you call a boy trying to get the creases out of his clothes at the North Pole?Brrrr-ian!What goes Ho Ho Swoosh, Ho Ho Swoosh?Father Christmas in a revolving door!Waiter, waiter, my turkey has gone off.Which way did it go?
China Dream
by Ma JianA poetic and unflinching fable about tyranny, guilt, and the erasure of history, by the banned Chinese writer hailed as ‘China’s Solzhenitsyn’.In seven dream-like episodes, Ma Jian charts the psychological disintegration of a Chinese provincial leader who is haunted by nightmares of his violent past. From exile, Ma Jian shoots an arrow at President Xi Jinping’s ‘China Dream’ propaganda, creating a biting satire of totalitarianism that reveals what happens to a nation when it is blinded by materialism and governed by violence and lies. Blending tragic and absurd reality with myth and fantasy, this dystopian novel is a portrait not of an imagined future, but of China today.PRAISE FOR MA JIAN'S WORK‘A landmark work of fiction’ Daily Telegraph‘Worthy of Swift or Orwell’ Observer‘A modern literary masterpiece’ Sunday Express‘Monumental . . . Riveting . . . A mighty gesture of remembrance against the encroaching forces of silence’ Guardian‘A born storyteller who has the artistry and intellect to evoke a staggeringly large and densely peopled world. His language is precise and sublimely visual; it is painfully funny’ Madeleine Thien‘In scene after scene of black satire, lyric tenderness and desolating tragedy . . . this fearless epic of history and memory establishes Ma Jian as the Solzhenitsyn of China’s forgetful drive towards world domination’ Independent‘Ma Jian has accomplished something extremely difficult. That is, he has created a work of art that functions simultaneously as literature and call to action’ New York Review of Books
Pet Quest: A Bloomsbury Young Reader (Bloomsbury Young Readers)
by Jenny McLachlan Sarah HoyleAll Harvey wants is a pet, yet his dad says that their flat is too small. But surely it's big enough for a slimy slug, or a hairy spider, or even an ant called Teeny, right? Will Harvey ever find a pet small enough?This exciting and humorous story from well-loved author Jenny McLachlan is perfect for children who are learning to read by themselves and for Key Stage 1. It features engaging illustrations by Sarah Hoyle and characters young readers will find hard to resist.Bloomsbury Young Readers are the perfect way to get children reading, with book-banded stories by brilliant authors like Julia Donaldson. They are packed with gorgeous colour illustrations and include inside cover notes to help adults reading with children, as well as ideas for activities related to the stories.Book Band: WhiteIdeal for Ages 6+
It Wasn't Me: A Bloomsbury Young Reader (Bloomsbury Young Readers)
by Joanna Nadin Pauline ReevesIf a microwave explodes or there are bubbles all over the bathroom floor, it's bound to have been because of Alfie Braithwaite. Only Alfie swears that it's all the fault of Dave, the terrible gremlin that lives in his sock drawer. But one day Dave really does appear and starts to wreak more havoc than even Alfie could have imagined! Will Alfie catch Dave? And will Alfie's parents ever believe that it really wasn't him?This mischievous and thought-provoking adventure from best-selling and award-winning author Joanna Nadin is perfect for children who are learning to read by themselves and for Key Stage 1. It features engaging illustrations from Pauline Reeves and quirky characters young readers will find hard to resist.Bloomsbury Young Readers are the perfect way to get children reading, with book-banded stories by brilliant authors like Julia Donaldson. They are packed with gorgeous colour illustrations and include inside cover notes to help adults reading with children, as well as ideas for activities related to the stories.Book Band: LimeIdeal for Ages 6+
Cereal Superfan: A Bloomsbury Young Reader (Bloomsbury Young Readers)
by Julia Donaldson Garry ParsonsStephen Rice is a cereal superfan. So when his supply of Cracklewheat, Corncrunch, Toastyoats and Choc-o-not-hoops runs out, Stephen is devastated. But there's a competition to win a lifetime supply – if Stephen can build the perfect cereal...This hilarious story from one of the nation's most loved writers, Julia Donaldson (author of The Gruffalo), is perfect for children who are learning to read by themselves and for Key Stage 1. It features engaging illustrations by Garry Parsons and quirky characters young readers will find hard to resist. Bloomsbury Young Readers are the perfect way to get children reading, with book-banded stories by brilliant authors like Julia Donaldson. They are packed with gorgeous colour illustrations and include inside cover notes to help adults reading with children, as well as ideas for activities related to the stories.Book band: LimeQuizzed for Accelerated ReaderIdeal for ages: 6+
Eye, Eye, Captain! A Bloomsbury Young Reader (Bloomsbury Young Readers)
by Jane Clarke Jennie PohCaptain Cutlass cannot see a thing without his glasses. But pirates don't wear glasses and if his crew finds out they'll make him walk the plank! As the pirates set sail for Treasure Island, the Captain soon finds himself in trouble when he can't even read the treasure map...This hilarious tale from picture book author Jane Clarke (author of Gilbert the Great and Neon Leon) is perfect for children who are learning to read by themselves and for Key Stage 1. Features engaging illustrations by Jennie Poh and quirky characters young readers will find hard to resist.Bloomsbury Young Readers are the perfect way to get children reading, with book-banded stories by brilliant authors like Julia Donaldson. They are packed with gorgeous colour illustrations and include inside cover notes to help adults reading with children, as well as ideas for activities related to the stories.Book band: GoldQuizzed for Accelerated ReaderIdeal for ages: 5+
Alice Goes to Hollywood: A Bloomsbury Young Reader (Bloomsbury Young Readers)
by Karen Wallace Katy HalfordAlice the anteater has a dream – she's going to be a film star! So she finds herself a pair of high-heeled sandals, a frilly satin dress and some film-star sunglasses and sets off for Hollywood. Soon Alice is the talk of the town, but there's just one problem – will she ever get to star in a film?This dreamy and glamorous tale from award-winning author Karen Wallace is perfect for children who are learning to read by themselves and for Key Stage 1. It features engaging illustrations from Katy Halford, and quirky characters young readers will find hard to resist. Bloomsbury Young Readers are the perfect way to get children reading, with book-banded stories by brilliant authors like Julia Donaldson. They are packed with gorgeous colour illustrations and include inside cover notes to help adults reading with children, as well as ideas for activities related to the stories.Book band: GoldQuizzed for Accelerated ReaderIdeal for ages:5+
Kill ’Em All
by John Niven_____________________The long-awaited sequel to KILL YOUR FRIENDSIt is 2017 – the time of Trump, Brexit and fake news. And time for the return of Steven Stelfox, exactly twenty years on from his Britpop heyday. Now forty-seven and rich beyond the dreams of avarice, Stelfox works only occasionally as a music industry ‘consultant’. A fixer. A problem solver. He’s had a call from his old friend James Trellick, now president of Unigram, one of the largest record companies in America. Trellick has a huge headache on his hands in the shape of...Lucius Du Pre. The biggest pop star on earth. Well, once the biggest pop star on earth. Now he’s a helpless junkie and a prolific, unrepentant sexual predator. Through a programme of debt restructuring so complex even Trellick can barely understand it, Du Pre is massively in hock to the record company. The only way he can possibly pay it off is to embark on a worldwide comeback tour he’s in no shape to do. The picture is further complicated when the parents of one of Du Pre’s ‘special friends’ begin blackmailing him. If their video gets out, Du Pre’s brand will be utterly toxic and will take Unigram down with it.Enter Stelfox stage right. Only he has the lack of morality to spin this one. With stealth and cunning he begins to chart a road out of the nightmare and to make a killing in the process. For this age of ‘American carnage’ – of populism, of the lowest common denominator, of the Big Lie – is truly Stelfox’s time to shine. But in this time of uncertainty, nothing is a given._____________________‘A banging action satirical thriller. But it’s also a proper novel about the Trumpian era, of the reality TV era, the fake news era. It’s managed to say a lot of things in a way that very few other novels are doing and in a very comedic way’ IRVINE WELSH'A bruising triumph; Amis' MONEY for the Trump generation. What a monster he's created' IAN RANKIN‘John Niven understands our era better than almost anyone’ DOUGLAS COUPLAND‘A scabrously entertaining satire of what it is like to be rich and white in the land of the free if you are utterly depraved, “where money doesn’t just talk, or swear, it nukes”. … There is a twisted poetry in Niven’s mastery of invective’ THE TIMES‘Savagely, viciously witty, this frantic hymn to greed is filthy, frenetic and totally fabulous’ SUNDAY MIRROR
Lake Success: A Novel
by Gary Shteyngart'Gary Shteyngart hears America perfectly; its fatuity, its poignant lament, its boisterous self-loathing. Its heartbeat. Reading him sometimes makes me want to scream - with recognition and with pure hilarity' - Richard Ford'A trip through the American wasteland - from the people who have too little, to the people who have too much. Incredibly smart, incredibly funny, incredibly tragic, and therefore incredibly human, this is the perfect novel for these dysfunctional times' - Nathan Hill'The funniest book you'll read all year. A rollicking and zinger-filled road trip [that] sneakily deepens into a poignant tale of a man trying to outrace his problems.I was utterly floored' - Maria Semple'Stupendous... Reflecting with perfect comedy and horrible tragedy exactly what America feels like right this minute... I barked with laughter at the same time as wincing in pain' Elizabeth GilbertA riotously satirical road trip through modern America from the brilliant author of Super Sad True Love Story and AbsurdistanBarry Cohen, master of the universe, has just had a very public meltdown involving a dinner party, an insider trading investigation and a $30,000 bottle of Japanese whisky. So he flees New York City, leaving behind his beautiful young wife and son, but remembering to bring his six favourite designer watches. Zig-zagging south through Trump's America on a Greyhound Bus pilgrimmage he is singularly unprepared for, Barry heads to Texas - to find his old college girlfriend and, with her, a shot at a second chance...Lake Success marries the trademark Shteyngart wit with an astonishing emotional resonance, capturing the vivid eccentricity and contradictions of America right now while speaking to the universal human experience of love, belonging, and the pursuit of happiness.
The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole: Adrian Mole Book 2 (Adrian Mole #2)
by Sue Townsend NoneSunday July 18thMy father announced at breakfast that he is going to have a vasectomy. I pushed my sausages away untouched.In this second instalment of teenager Adrian Mole's diaries, the Mole family is in crisis and the country is beating the drum of war. While his parents have reconciled after both embarked on disastrous affairs, Adrian is shocked to learn of his mother's pregnancy. And even though at the mercy of his rampant hormones and the fickle whims of the divine Pandora, a victim of a broken home and his own tortured (though unrecognised) genius, Adrian continues valiantly to chronicle the pains and pleasures of a misspent adolescence.
Uncle Fred in the Springtime: (Blandings Castle) (Blandings Castle #9)
by P. G. WodehouseA classic Blandings novel from P.G. Wodehouse, the great comic writer of the 20th century. Blandings is now a BBC One show starring Jennifer Saunders and Timothy Spall. Episode One, series two, 'Throwing Eggs', features scenes from 'Uncle Fred in the Springtime'. Uncle Fred believes he can achieve anything in the springtime. However, disguised as a loony-doctor and trying to prevent prize pig, the Empress of Blandings, from falling into the hands of the unscrupulous Duke of Dunstable, he is stretched to his limit... 'A cavalcade of perfect joy.' - Caitlin Moran'Sunlit perfection... Bask in its warmth and splendour.' - Stephen Fry'The best English comic novelist of the century.' - Sebastian Faulks'The greatest chronicler of a certain kind of Englishness' - Julian Fellowes
Robin: The Definitive Biography of Robin Williams
by Dave Itzkoff'This well-written page-turner is the definitive biography of the genius of Robin Williams, whose life redefines the highs and lows of the American dream' - Steve Martin From his rapid-fire stand-up comedy riffs to his breakout role in Mork & Mindy and his Academy Award-winning performance in Good Will Hunting, Robin Williams was a singularly innovative and beloved entertainer. He often came across as a man possessed, holding forth on culture and politics while mixing in personal revelations – all with mercurial, tongue-twisting intensity as he inhabited and shed one character after another with lightning speed.But as Dave Itzkoff shows in this revelatory biography, Williams’s comic brilliance masked a deep well of conflicting emotions and self-doubt, which he drew upon in his comedy and in celebrated films like Dead Poets Society; Good Morning, Vietnam; The Fisher King; Aladdin; and Mrs Doubtfire, where he showcased his limitless gift for improvisation to bring to life a wide range of characters. And in Good Will Hunting he gave an intense and controlled performance that revealed the true range of his talent.Robin by Dave Itzkoff shows how Williams struggled mightily with addiction and depression – topics he discussed openly while performing and during interviews – and with a debilitating condition at the end of his life that affected him in ways his fans never knew. Drawing on more than a hundred original interviews with family, friends and colleagues, as well as extensive archival research, Robin is a fresh and original look at a man whose work touched so many lives.
Glamorama (Tiempos Modernos Ser.)
by Bret Easton EllisThe centre of the world: 1990s Manhattan. Victor Ward, a model with perfect abs and all the right friends, is seen and photographed everywhere, even in places he hasn’t been and with people he doesn’t know. On the eve of opening the trendiest nightclub in New York history, he’s living with one beautiful model and having an affair with another. Now it’s time to move to the next stage. But the future he gets is not the one he had in mind.In Glamorama, Bret Easton Ellis shows us a shadowy looking-glass world, the juncture where fame and fashion, terror and mayhem meet and then begin to resemble the familiar surface of our lives.
Less Than Zero (Picador Classic #97)
by Bret Easton EllisIn 1985, Bret Easton Ellis shocked, stunned and disturbed with his debut novel, Less Than Zero. Published when he was just twenty-one, this extraordinary and instantly infamous work has done more than simply define a genre, it has become a rare thing: a cult classic and a timeless embodiment of the zeitgeist. It continues to be a landmark in the lives of successive generations of readers across the globe. Filled with relentless drinking in seamy bars and glamorous nightclubs, wild, drug-fuelled parties, and dispassionate sexual encounters, Less Than Zero – narrated by Clay, an eighteen-year-old student returning home to Los Angeles for Christmas – is a fierce coming-of-age story, justifiably celebrated for its unflinching depiction of hedonistic youth, its brutal portrayal of the inexorable consequences of such moral depravity, and its author’s refusal to condone or chastise such behaviour.
The Informers (Vintage Contemporaries Ser.)
by Bret Easton Ellis‘A writer at the peak of his powers . . . The book takes us from the first to the seventh circles of hell, from Salinger to de Sade’ Will SelfThe Informers is a collection of short stories with intertwining characters, from the author of American Psycho and Less Than Zero, Bret Easton Ellis.Their voices enfold us as seamlessly as those of DJs heard over a car radio. The characters go to the same schools. They eat at the same restaurants. They have sex with the same boys and girls. They buy from the same dealers. Fusing voices into an intense, impressionistic narrative that blurs genders, generations and even identities, these stories capture the lives of a group of people, connected in the way only people in L.A. can be – suffering from nothing less than the death of the soul.