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The Clumsiest People in Europe: A Bad Tempered Victorian's Guide To The World
by Todd PruzanCaustic, cranky, and inadvertently hilarious, the bestselling Victorian author Mrs. Favell Lee Mortimer rarely left the house-but that didn't stop her from writing several successful travel books. With volumes on Europe, Asia, and Africa and America, Mrs. Mortimer had something nasty to say about your ancestors, no matter where they had the misfortune of living. Todd Pruzan has assembled three of Mrs. Mortimer's very forgotten classics into one volume, The Clumsiest People in Europe, a wild tour through the comically and horrifyingly misinformed prejudices of a unique Victorian eccentric.
Coming Clean
by Rodney CarringtonChart-topping comedian Rodney Carrington offers up his first book helping of the Texas-sized, down-home humor that has sold out his comedy tour across the nation.
A Cool Million: The Dismantling Of Lemuel Pitkin (Penguin Twentieth Century Classics)
by Nathanael WestA great American satirist, Nathanael West laughs in the face of the Horatio Alger myth. Like many an Alger, Lemuel Pitkin leaves his home on the farm to seek his fortune in the Big City. By the time he is through, he has been robbed, jailed, has lost his teeth, his eye, a leg, his scalp, and has witnessed a remarkable number of assults and political riots. In A Cool Million, West etches a classic parable of America in the chaotic Thirties.Penguin Random House Canada is proud to bring you classic works of literature in e-book form, with the highest quality production values. Find more today and rediscover books you never knew you loved.
Crazy For You: Harperimpulse Contemporary Romance
by Emma HeatheringtonWhat would you do for a second chance at first love?
Cross Your Heart, Connie Pickles (Connie Pickles Ser. #1)
by Sabine DurrantWelcome to the world of Connie Pickles. Best Friend #1 - Julie: Big boobs. Big ideas. Big fibber. Best Friend #2 - William: Giver of chocolate buttons. A shoulder for Connie to cry on. Makes other girls flutter and blush. Best Friend #3 - Delilah: hormone-crazed victim of a girls-only school. Flutters and blushes A LOT. Mother: French. Beautiful. Broke. Bra-expert. A romantic disaster area. Needs help.Connie used to be the only sensible person in her world. But now her life is spiralling out of control. Her mother refuses to fall for the right man, William is acting strangely and Connie's own heart is in tatters. So with a little help (and a lot of hindrance) from her friends, she sets out to solve the eternal mysteries of love, money, French things (including kisses) and incredibly uncomfortable underwear.
The Cupid Effect
by Dorothy KoomsonThere's something magical about Ceri D'AltroyAfter departing London to follow her heart's desire to become a psychology lecturer, Ceri D'Altroy vows to leave her matchmaking ways behind her for good. Unfortunately, all she seems to do is inspire the new people she meets to change their lives.There's Ed, who's decided to declare his love to a woman who is way out of his league; Mel and Claudine, two long-term friends who are now tempted to start an illicit affair; and Gwen, the chain-smoking head of department who has a deep, dark secret she only wants to share with her new employee.No one who comes into contact with Ceri is ever the same again. Could this unsuspecting woman be a modern-day Cupid?
The Dads' Book: For the Dad Who's Best at Everything
by Michael HeatleyThis is the book no self-respecting father should be without. The Dads' Book is an amusing and informative miscellany of jokes, facts and tongue-in-cheek survival techniques for the Dad wishing to excel at the art of fatherhood. This is not only a book of practical advice, but also includes cunning tips on how to maintain your position as Number One Dad without becoming a cross between a punchbag, taxi driver and general slave. Includes bizarre yet invaluable tips handed down from generations of fathers on: How to build the best tree house Things to do with your kids on a rainy day Twenty ways to find peace and quiet How to make beer breaks part of play timePublished in time for Father's Day, The Dads' Book celebrates the wonder of dad-hood, while allowing you to work on being best at everything and retain your sanity at the same time.
Daisy: 006 And A Bit (Daisy Picture Books #5)
by Kes GrayDaisy is back and this time she's not just Daisy, she's 006 and a Bit, spy extraordinaire. With her black felt-tip moustache, dark glasses, secret spy gadgets and special spy code, she's poised and ready for action. There's just one problem, nobody can understand a word she's saying! Mrs Pike the neighbour, Tiptoes the cat and even Gabby, Daisy's best friend, are all baffled by her spy language. Poor 006 and a Bit is about to abandon her mission when a mysterious stranger with a blue moustache and purple beard deep pokes his head around the door . . .
Daniel Isn’t Talking (Thorndike Core Ser.)
by Marti LeimbachA powerful novel exploring the effects of autism on a young family from Marti Leimbach, author of the international bestseller ‘Dying Young’, who has experienced and dealt with the condition within her immediate family.
The Dating Game #6: Parallel Parking (The\dating Game Ser. #No. 6)
by Natalie StandifordMeet sophomores Madison, Holly and Lina. When the Dating Game Web site that they create for class becomes a campus hit, as a matchmaking service and a forum for students' views on love, sex, and dating, the three friends hope it will help them take control of their love lives, too?QUIZ: WHAT'S YOUR DATING STYLE?Check all the statements that sound like you._ I believe in love at first sight._ I always go after the hottest guy in the room._ I know I'm cute, and I expect the best. _ I never seem to like the one who likes me_ I like people no one else notices._ I believe you should love the one you're with._ My way or the highway!Holly, Lina, and Mads have mapped out a plan to definitely get the guys of their dreams. But are they moving too fast? Is it time to put the brakes on the ultimate search for love?
Dear Max (Max #1)
by Sally GrindleyA story about imagination, story telling, sharing and swapping! DJ Lucas is a famous author, and Max adores DJ's books! Max wants to write something just as good himself, so he sends a letter to DJ asking for advice. Through the touching and funny correspondence that follows we learn how to write a story. Ages 8-12.
Demon Apocalypse (The Demonata #6)
by Darren ShanHell is revealed in the sixth nail-biting, hair-rending, creepy cool episode of the Demonata…
The Demonata 6-10: Demon Apocalypse; Death's Shadow; Wolf Island; Dark Calling; Hell's Heroes (The Demonata)
by Darren ShanBooks 6-10 in the demonic masterpiece from the No.1 Master of Horror - Darren Shan.
The Dendrilegs: Book 12 (Nelly the Monster Sitter #12)
by Kes GrayNelly's monster sitting adventures are always full of surprises. She certainly can't believe it when she sits a monster who wants to do absolutely nothing! Or when she has to rescue the smallest monster she's encountered yet - but nothing can prepare her for spending Christmas Day with the Dendrilegs!Nelly knows she's in for an interesting Christmas at the Dendrilegs, when she's greeted at the door by a flurry of purple tentacles. But It's not Father Christmas who'll be coming down the chimney...
Diary of a Pilgrimage
by Jerome K. JeromeThis is a sensible book. I want you to understand that. This is a book to improve your mind. In this book I tell you all about Germany--at all events, all I know about Germany--and the Ober-Ammergau Passion Play. I also tell you about other things. I do not tell you all I know about all these other things, because I do not want to swamp you with knowledge. I wish to lead you gradually. When you have learnt this book, you can come again, and I will tell you some more.
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid (Diary of a Wimpy Kid #No. 1)
by Jeff Kinney'It was the best book eeeevvveeerrrr!!!!' Ben Hallon, Diary of a Wimpy Kid Fan The first in Jeff Kinney's side-splitting series, join Greg Heffley as he's thrust into a new year, and a new school, where undersize weaklings share the corridors with kids who are taller, meaner and already shaving.I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.Desperate to prove his new found maturity, which only going up a grade can bring, Greg is happy to have his not-quite-so-cool sidekick, Rowley, along for the ride. But when Rowley's star starts to rise, Greg tries to use his best friend's popularity to his own advantage. Recorded in his diary with comic pictures and his very own words, this test of Greg and Rowley's friendship unfolds with hilarious results.Laugh until you cry at all of Greg's hopeless shenanigans. Diary of a Wimpy Kid has got millions of kids reading and laughing at (but mostly with) the famous Greg Heffley.If you're on the lookout for a funny children's book for 7+, especially a book for reluctant readers, you can't go wrong with the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. 'As a teacher working with dyslexics and struggling readers, I am always on the look out for books... The Wimpy book series has been very successful' JuAllonPraise for Jeff Kinney:'The world has gone crazy for Jeff Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid' - Sun'Kinney is right up there with J K Rowling as one of the bestselling children's authors on the planet' - Independent'The most hotly anticipated children's book of the year is here - Diary of a Wimpy Kid' - Big Issue'Hilarious' - TelegraphJeff Kinney is an online game developer and designer, and a #1 New York Times bestselling author. Jeff has been named one of Time magazine's 100 Most Powerful People in the World. Jeff is also creator of Poptropica.com, which was names one of Time magazine's 50 Best Websites. He spent his childhood in Washington, D.C., and moved to New England in 1995. Jeff lives in Southern Massachusetts with his wife and their two sons.
The Digdiggs: Book 11 (Nelly the Monster Sitter #11)
by Kes GrayNelly's monster sitting adventures are always full of surprises. She certainly can't believe it when she sits a monster who wants to do absolutely nothing! Or when she has to rescue the smallest monster she's encountered yet - but nothing can prepare her for spending Christmas Day with the Dendrilegs!The digdiggs are the smallest monsters Nelly has ever seen, and there are one hundred and twenty three of them! Nelly is going to have her work cut out for her if she's going to look after them all...
Do Ants Have Arseholes?: ...and 101 other bloody ridiculous questions
by Jon Butler Bruno VincentHow easy is it to fall off a log? Where is the middle of nowhere? Do we really have no bananas? The readers of OLD GIT magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication's popular letters page. DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact. A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.
Don't Get Me Started: A Way-beyond-grumpy Rant About Modern Life
by Mitchell SymonsModern life is full of annoyances. Indeed it sometimes seems as if life conspires to become more and more annoying every day, just to piss us off. *Pop-up windows on the internet *Brian Sewell's voice*People who use finger signs to denote quotation marks*'Talking' birthday cards that never shut up*Mobile phone ringtones Is there no end to this pain?!Well Mitchell Symons has decided that enough is enough. He's mad as hell, and he's not going to take this any more! If you thought the Grumpy Old Men were grumpy, it's time to think again. Hilarious, entertaining and downright infuriating, this is essential reading for anyone out there who likes a good rant.
Don't Go There!: 1001 Rude Things People Have Said About Places In Britain and Ireland
by Colin PlinthGet to know 'Not-so Great Britain' in this crackingly acerbic collection of insulting and downright offensive quotations about cities, towns and other locations in the British Isles.Towns, cities, counties and constituent countries all come in for a lambasting in this bad-tempered and thoroughly entertaining journey round the British Isles (or, as the Irish insist on calling them, the Hibernian Archipelago), from the nauseatingly Nordic Shetlands to the suspiciously Froggy Channel Islands, from 'the arse end of the world' (Wigan) to the 'heaving Sodom of the south coast' (Brighton).And it's not just the places that come in for a hammering - the people too are mocked and reviled, from the imbecilic, dimwitted folk of County Kerry to the inbred, turkey-fancying natives of Norfolk, from the tight-fistedness of the inhabitants of Aberdeen to the light-fingeredness and incessant whinings of the Scouser.And - unlike Boris Johnson of The Spectator - Mr Plinth will not be saying 'Oops. Sorry!'
Dragon Danger / Grasshopper Glue (Wizzbang Wizard)
by Scoular AndersonTwo magical books in one about the naughty, fun-loving little wizard.
Eats, Shites & Leaves: Crap English and How to Use It
by A. ParodyFeaturing a plethora of examples that show how to get the worst out of the world's most commonly spoken language, Eats, Shites and Leaves is a wittily informative insight into how the English language can be used and abused in the twenty-first century
The Ellie McDoodle Diaries: Have Pen, Will Travel (Ellie McDoodle)
by Ruth McNally BarshawEllie captures all the excruciating and funny details of a dreaded camping trip in her secret journal. Complete with games, songs, weird facts, and more, Ellie's sketch diary soon reveals she's actually having fun! Perfect for sleep-away campers, vacationers, and any kid looking for a great summer read. "Reminiscent of Jeff Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid... Humorous and realistic." --SLJ on Ellie McDoodle New Kid in School
Emus Can't Walk Backwards: Another Round of Dubious Pub Facts
by Robert AnwoodDid Ernie Wise really make the first mobile phone call in the UK? Did Isaac Newton invent the cat flap? Is a smurf really three apples tall?'Pub facts' are the improbable, bizarre and yet somehow convincing claims that are often wheeled out by armchair scientists, amateur lawyers and pub historians. They'll tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, that you can get tonsillitis even if you've had your tonsils removed; that it's illegal to drive in bare feet; and that some bloke had hiccups for 68 years. But is it fact or fabrication?Emus Can't Walk Backwards will help you stride confidently through the most treacherous trivia minefield, while providing definitive answers to life's most pressing concerns. Did Johnny Cash become addicted to painkillers after being attacked by an ostrich? Do ants ever sleep? Are mushrooms and toadstools the same thing? Refreshingly cynical and engagingly informative, this hilarious follow-up to Bears Can't Run Downhill clears up the confusion by revealing the outright lies, the muddled misunderstandings and - just occasionally - the astonishing truth.
England, Our England
by Alan TitchmarshAn anthology and miscellany of everything an Englishman should know: From Austen to Wordsworth,Jerusalem to the Scout’s Honour, Kings and Queens of England to Land of Hope and Glory, Savile Row tailors to Jermyn St Shirt Makers, Tying a Windsor knot to making a pot of tea, Victoria sponge to fish pie and the rules of cricket to Gilbert and Sullivan operas