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364 Days of Tedium: Or What Santa Gets Up To On His Days Off
by Dave CornmellEver wondered what Santa gets up to the rest of the year? You’ll wish you hadn’t!
365: Stories
by James Robertson365 is James Robertson's innovative collection of 365 stories, each 365 words long.In 2013, James Robertson wrote a story every day. Each was exactly 365 words long. A year later, on a daily basis, the stories were published on the Five Dials website. Now the 365 stories are gathered together in one volume. Some draw on elements of ancient myth and legend, others are outtakes from Scottish history and folklore; there are squibs and satires, songs and ballads in disguise, fairytales, stories inspired by dreams or in the form of interviews, and personal memories and observations. Underpinning all of them are vital questions: Who are we? What are we doing here? What happens next? 'Wow. James Robertson wrote a 365-word short story each day in 2013. They'll be posted throughout 2014' Ian Rankin, via Twitter 'A great storyteller' The Times 'One of Britain's best contemporary novelists' Irvine Welsh, Guardian James Robertson is the author of five novels, The Professor of Truth, And the Land Lay Still, The Testament of Gideon Mack, Joseph Knight and The Fanatic. The Testament of Gideon Mack was longlisted for the 2006 Man Booker Prize and selected for Richard and Judy's Book Club the following year. Joseph Knight was the Saltire Scottish Book of the Year in 2003 and And the Land Lay Still was recipient of the same prize in 2010.
365 Days of Dad Jokes: Awfully Good Gags... All Year Round
by Jim ChumleyPerfect for dads and lovers of cheesy puns and one-liners, this pocket-sized collection offers a year's worth of mirth suitable for all agesThere's something very special about dad jokes - they're always enjoyably terrible, sometimes quite witty and occasionally downright hilarious. So if you're a dad looking to add to your collection of funnies, or you'd like to beat your old man at his own game, this is the book for you.Packed into these pages are pithy wisecracks, comically cringeworthy puns, silly one-liners and enough other types of joke to last an entire year. Among the hundreds of groan-worthy gags you'll find gems like: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. Why are balloons so expensive? Inflation. What do you call an elephant who doesn't matter? Irrelephant. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents. Unapologetically themselves, just like dads, these are jokes to inflict with glee on all the family.
365 Days of Happiness (365 Days Of... Ser.)
by Lizzie CornwallHost an air guitar tournament for your friends and family. Cartwheel down the street. Tell nothing but the truth all day. Prepare for a grand adventure, instigate a little mischief and embrace a sunnier outlook with this book of feel-good quotations and quirky ideas that will keep you smiling all year.
365 Reasons To Be Cheerful: Magical Moments To Cheer Up Miserable Sods... One Day At A Time (365 Reasons Ser.)
by Richard Happerp>It’s a well-observed fact that human beings (well, men) can be a grumpy old bunch, always choosing to see that infamous metaphorical glass as constantly half empty rather than half full. Where’s the fun in that? 365 Reasons To Be Cheerful is, well, it’s exactly that. It’s a whole year’s worth of funny and unique events that happened on each and every day – a wild, weird and wonderful journey through the year highlighting the moments that changed the world for the better as well as the delightful, irreverant stories that will simply make you smile. 365 Reasons To Be Cheerful is designed specifically to look on the bright side of life every day of the year – the perfect pint-sized pick-me-up in these sobering, sombre times.
365 Reasons to be Proud to be a Dad
by Ian AllenBeing a dad is a 365-day job. Let this nifty little book help you along the way, with a hilarious dad-related fact for every day of the year.
365 Reasons to be Proud to be a Londoner: Magical Moments In London's History (365 Ser.)
by Richard HapperLondon – one of the world's most exciting cities. Teeming with life, bursting with history, it houses over 8 million people, and has thousands of stories to tell.
365 Reasons To Be Proud To Be British: Magical Moments In Our Great History (365 Reasons Ser.)
by Richard Happer365 Reasons To Be Proud To Be British is a year-long scenic route of jollyness taking in the quirky events, inventions, traditions, people, places and characters that make Great Britain a nation worth celebrating every day of the year. Because it is great.
365 Reasons to be Proud to be English: Magical Moments In England's History (365 Reasons Ser.)
by Richard HapperHowever well our boys do in the 2014 World Cup, we can be sure that English pride will be riding higher than ever. So it's time to celebrate our Englishness! Take a year-long stroll around the joys of English inventiveness, eccentricity and fighting spirit with this fascinating collection of stories, anecdotes and fun.
365 Reasons to be Proud to be Scottish: Magical Moments In Scotland's History
by Richard Happer365 Reasons To Be Proud To Be Scottish is a year-long scenic route of jollyness taking in the quirky events, inventions, traditions, people, places and characters that make Scotland a country worth celebrating every day of the year.
3650 Jokes, Puns, and Riddles
by Michael J. Pellowski Anne Kostick Charles FoxgroverNational Humor Month won't be the same with this huge, classic collection of side-splitting, groan-worthy, family-friendly jokes, puns, and riddles. Guaranteed LOLs at a time we can all use a laugh. Between these covers are a staggering 3650 entries - at a joke a day that's 10 full years of comedy! With chapters on everything from Modern Romance, the Working World and Aging to Pop Culture, Money, and much more, 3650 Jokes, Puns and Riddles contains the most ridiculous quip for every conceivable occasion. There are gibes, barbs, and insults, knock-knock jokes, and one-liners, doctor jokes and lawyer jokes, animal jokes and family jokes, and throughout a seemingly endless supply of bad puns. 3650 Jokes, Puns and Riddles will have you chuckling, chortling, giggling, grinning, and groaning in spite of yourself.
The 39-Storey Treehouse (The Treehouse Books #3)
by Andy GriffithsAndy and Terry's amazing treehouse has thirteen new levels! They've added a chocolate waterfall you can swim in, a volcano for toasting marshmallows, a bulldozer-battling level, a baby-dinosaur-petting zoo, a not-very-merry merry-go-round, a boxing elephant called the Trunkinator, an X-ray room, a disco with light-up dance floor, the world's scariest roller coaster and a top-secret thirty-ninth level which hasn't even been finished yet! But how can they enjoy all this brilliant stuff when they have to write a book faster they've ever done before? You'll have to read it to find out!The 39-Storey Treehouse is the third book in Andy Griffith's and Terry Denton's wacky treehouse adventures, where the laugh-out-loud story is told through a combination of text and fantastic cartoon-style illustrations.
488 Rules for Life: The Thankless Art Of Being Correct
by Kitty Flanagan488 Rules for Life is Kitty Flanagan's way of making the world a more pleasant place to live.
5,000 Great One Liners
by Grant TuckerMy mate told me that I just don’t understand irony.Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.A dyslexic man walks into a bra.An onion just told me a joke.I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, ‘What is this, some kind of joke?’I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub.He seemed like a decent feller.I’ll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, ‘Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?’Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen’s clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you’ll ever need - and a whole lot more.
50 Bosses Worse Than Yours (Worse Than Yours Ser.)
by Justin RaczSatirist Justin Racz, author of the wildly successful 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours, returns to the world of cubicles, water coolers, and boardrooms-this time targeting the workingman's ultimate nemesis: his boss. From the bullies to the bureaucrats to the bunglers, bosses are as unavoidable as they are insufferable. Thankfully, 50 Bosses Worse Than Yours is here to remind us that no matter how bad we think we have it, there are worse people to be taking orders from. Including entries such as "Condescending Rita," "Enforced After-Work Drinks Proposer," "Ten Years Younger Than You and Makes Double Your Salary," and the original bad boss, "Your Dad," this book presents the most unbearable, cruel-intentioned, and mind-bogglingly incompetent employers ever to pass through Human Resources.
50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours
by Justin RaczTired of watching your man play X-Box all day? Does he cruise match.com when you're not home? When he takes you back to his place, does his mother answer the door? 50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours is a hilarious collection of these painfully familiar boyfriends, men we've all had the misfortune to meet. There's Thrifty, who thinks taking you out to Chuck E Cheese is charming; Goth Guy, who borrows your make-up; Large Pet Owner, who wears his Python around the house. Rounding out the list are The Flaw Corrector, The Comedian (who's using you for material), One Position Peter (enough said), and Balding and Touchy About It.Isn't revenge sweet? Funny, irresistible, and instantly relatable, 50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours is the perfect Valentine's Day gift.
50 Dates Worse Than Yours (Worse Than Yours Ser.)
by Justin RaczThere is nothing as unbearable as a bad date. From the awkward conversation to the strained laughter to the moments of sheer bewilderment (did he just call me "Poopsy?"), dating is not an activity for the easily discouraged. Thankfully, Justin Racz returns with this newest installment to help ease the romantic pain. These would-be Casanovas remind us that there are worse times to be had. Including entries such as: "Creepy Non-Blinker," "Keeps Telling You How Much You Remind Him of His Sister," "Mechanical Bull Riding," "Lap Dog Girl," and "Invites you over and is wearing pajamas when you arrive," 50 Dates Worse Than Yours presents just about every blindingly bad date around. Filled with entertaining photographs and outrageous bullet points listing each prospective partner's hideous traits, this is the perfect gift for anyone who has ever faked food poisoning just to get away from that guy her aunt set her up with.
50 Days Worse Than Yours
by Justin RaczWe've all had bad days: lost our keys, broken a nail, missed a train. Some days, however, are much worse than others, as Justin Racz proves in this hilarious new addition to the smash hit Worse Than Yours series. Collecting fifty of the most memorable "bad days," this outrageous book catalogs everything from the daily ("First gray hair noticed") to the legendary ("Eve eats apple"), from the public ("New York City sanitation strike") to the painfully private ("Ricky gets atomic wedgie, 1976"). An inspired and fully illustrated testament to schadenfreude, 50 Days Worse than Yours proves that nothing is as universal as suffering. Whether you're a kid ("Picked last in gym-again"), a new parent ("Barney invented"), or facing down middle age ("AARP card arrives"), you can be sure to find some comfort in this riotous compilation of things gone wrong. After all, it could have been much, much worse... Justin Racz is the author of 50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours, 50 Relatives Worse Than Yours, 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours and J.Crewd. He is an advertising copywriter and lives in New York City. Alec Brownstein is a film director and advertising copywriter. He lives in New York City and was a contributing writer on 50 Relatives Worse Than Yours.
50 Jobs Worse Than Yours
by Justin RaczGuaranteed to make you grateful for the job you have and thankful for the one you don't. From Saddam Hussein Double to Telemarketing Script Writer to the guy who operates the "It's a Small World After All" ride, satirist Justin Racz has spanned the globe to find fifty jobs worse than yours, so we can all feel better about our own. Featuring fifty color photos of the awful, the pitiful, the hysterical jobs out there, and all their undesirable employment details, Fifty Jobs Worse Than Yours is the perfect gift for anyone stuck in a nine-to-five grind who needs to remember why it could be a whole, whole lot worse.
50 People Who Buggered Up Britain
by Quentin LettsWhich fifty people made Britain the wreck she is? From ludicrous propagandist Alastair Campbell to the Luftwaffe's allies, the modernist architects, it's time to name the guilty.Quentin Letts sharpens his nib and stabs them where they deserve it, from TV gardener Alan Titchmarsh, the dumbed-down buffoon who put the 'h' in Aspidistra, to the perpetrators of the 'Credit Crunch'. Margaret Thatcher ruptured our national unity. The creators of EastEnders trashed our brand over high tea. Thus, he argues, are the people who made our country the ugly, scheming, cheating, beer-ridden bum of the Western world. Here are the fools and knaves and vulgarians who ripped down our British glories and imposed the tawdry and the trite. In a half century we have gone from end-of-Empire to descent-into-Hell.
50 People Who Fouled Up Football
by Michael HendersonDespite its immense wealth, and the high public profile it enjoys, English football is not a land of milk and honey. The national side has won the World Cup only once when England staged the tournament in 1966 and the woeful performances in recent years would suggest that Sir Alf Ramsey's success will retain its unique status.50 People Who Fouled Up Football casts a sceptical eye on the game in this country. It looks at the game as it really is, through the gaze of an outsider, who grew up loving the game but who has been turned off by the excesses of players, managers, broadcasters and fans, and increasingly by the rich men who own and run the clubs.The big bang came in 1992, when the Premier League went its own merry way, aided by the millions that Sky television found to ease the passage. Now the game is richer, and can attract the world's leading stars, but it is poorer in spirit. The old football community means little to these Masters of the Universe. The old links between club and community have been ruined, and many players live in a different world, where they feel free to behave as they like.The book names the guilty, who include those on the fringes of the game as well as the ones at the heart of it. Indignant in the right sense, it is a lament for a spoilt game, and a world that has vanished.The 50 People are, in alphabetical order:Roman Abramovich, Sam Allardyce, Mike Ashley, David Baddiel, Tony Banks, Joey Barton, Ken Bates, Victoria Beckham, George Best, Sid and Doris Bonkers, Billy Bragg, Ashley Cole, Garry Cook, Hunter Davies, Didier Drogba, Martin Edwards, Sven-Goran Eriksson, 'The Fans', Paul Gascoigne, 'Geordie Blubber', 'The Golden Generation', Alan Green, Alan Hansen, Derek Hatton, Nigel Kennedy, Richard Keys, Lord Kinnaird, Nick Love, Steve McClaren, Freddie Mercury, Piers Morgan, Jose Mourinho, Graham Poll, Sir Alf Ramsey, Antonio Rattin, Charles Reep, Don Revie, Peter Ridsdale, Robinho, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Richard Scudamore, Bill Shankly, Bob Shennan, Peter Swales, Gordon Taylor, Sir Harold Thompson, Terry Venables, Ian Wright, Pini Zahavi.
50 People Who Screwed Up Scotland
by Allan BrownTo be Scottish is to have a lot to live down, and as Allan Brown shows, this lot do the job superbly. Whether it be Robert Burns, indecipherable bard of rustic gibberish or Sean Connery, die-hard advocate of a country he refuses to live in.Or, Alex Salmond, the chortling bullfrog of separatism or Tommy Sheridan, the sexy socialist hardliner. They’re all here, and many others; a veritable embassy of bad ambassadors.50 People Who Screwed Up Scotland is a humorous and chronologically-sequential series of essays, histories and anecdotes that consider those episodes and occurrences in Scotland's political, cultural and social story where, against all odds, defeat was plucked from the jaws of victory.
50 Relatives Worse Than Yours
by Justin RaczThey're kooky, they're crazy-50 Relatives Worse Than Yours is a nightmarish family reunion that will have you appreciating your own weird clan. There's the Family Newsletter Publisher who keeps you updated on how Uncle Carl's hip is doing; there's Holistic New Age Aunt, who knows Madonna from Kabbalah class but refuses to introduce you because that would be bad karma; and there's Child Who Was in a National TV Commercial, who has more money than you do. And then there's Uncle Speedo, the Monopoly Bank Thief, and Your Son, the Tenant. Filled with hilarious photographs and bullet points listing all their horrible characteristics, 50 Relatives Worse Than Yours is the perfect gift for anyone who's embarrassed by some members of their family, which let's just admit it is about everyone. And who knows, you might even recognize a relative or two... Justin Racz is an advertising copywriter. He is the author of J.Crewd and 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours. He lives in New York City. Praise for 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours: "Take this humorous tour of the world's worst work."-Entertainment Weekly "Justin Racz has done a tremendous service to us all with 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours, a work probably best kept on your job site for bad days."-Chicago Tribune Also available: 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours hc 1-58234-492-2 ISBN-13: 978-158234-492-8 $14.95
50 Things About Us: What We Really Need to Know About Britain
by Mark Thomas50 THINGS ABOUT US is a fast and furiously funny journey through our national memory. It's about money, history, songs, gongs, wigs, unicorns, guns, bungs, sods of soil and rich fuckers.'Patriotism is often the point where history and advertising intersect, and it was that brand of nationalism that Rees-Mogg and Johnson attempted to sell. It is a brand that can only hark backwards; a nostalgic nationalism built on half histories and wishes … The kind of patriotism where the poetry of John Betjeman sits alongside blaming migrants for TB.'But that is not our story. In fact, it is far from the narrative so many of us are a part of.'From self-deceptions on size, stature and space (clue: there's more than enough for everyone if we lose the golf courses) to the living links between empire, slavery, money and power, this is Mark Thomas' quest to remind us of the true and shared greatness of modern Britain.Structured as a list of fifty crucial 'Things', and fresh from a lock-down spent interviewing hundreds of NHS workers for the Wellcome Collection permanent archive, this is Mark Thomas at his provocative, passionate best.
50 Things I Wish I'd Told You: Life Skills
by Polly PowellLife is full of valuable lessons, yet none more so than those passed from parent to child. Whilst mothers and fathers always mean to pass on their esteemed nuggets of wisdom, time and practicalities often get in the way. The time to fly the nest comes around quickly, and some of those lessons may come in handy.