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Grumpy Old Christmas: The Official Handbook
by Stuart PrebbleThe highly successful 'Grumpies' return full of the Christmas spirit.So - 'tis the season to be jolly is it? Well, not in the household of the Grumpy Old Man it isn't. In the case of the GOM, 'tis the season to have to put up with even deeper layers of vexation than usual, and the only thing worth celebrating is that it looks as though you might after all be surviving to the end of what has been another crap year.Everything about Christmas gets up our snitches. Everything. From the breakfast telly presenters who tell us it's now just 120 shopping days to go, to the annual festive strike by airport baggage handlers. From office parties where drunken juniors have waited the whole year to tell you what 'the trouble with you is...', to parents videoing their precocious brats at the atrocious school nativity play where your kid is playing the part of the donkey's rear end. From the woman next door who drops in to show your wife the diamond ring her prat of a husband has bought her, to the 150th opportunity to see 'Whistle Down the Wind' on the telly.And speaking of wind, there's the festive Xmas turkey that tastes like blotting paper soaked in a puddle and sends your digestive system to hell. And how on earth are we really supposed to look happy when someone buys us a tie with a picture of xxxxing Santa on it? Eh?
Grumpy Old Drivers: The Official Handbook
by Stuart PrebbleHow modern motoring drives Grumpies to distractionWe've said that Christmas is the worst thing; we've said that working for idiots is the worst thing; we've said that holidays are the worst thing. But driving is the worst thing of all. It brings together so many of the multitude of individual elements which combine to make Grumpy Old Men and Grumpy Old Women grumpy.It's got queuing - at petrol stations, on side roads, on A roads, on motorways, at car parks and even at the 'drive through'. Very few things make Grumpies more grumpy than queuing.It's got being ripped off - when you buy a car, when you have it serviced, when you buy anything for it, when anything goes wrong, when you put petrol in it, when you wash it, when you park it, when it gets towed away and when some arsehole you've never met bumps into it.It's got being pissed about - when you want to book it in for a service, and when you get to tax it, insure it and get the MOT for it, and again when you want to sell it. And last but not least, it's got the most essential ingredient of grumpiness. Driving is a triumph of disappointment over expectation. When we were kids we thought driving would be the ultimate freedom and all it has turned out to be is a total pain in the tushkin.And that is not even mentioning Top sodding Gear...
Grumpy Old Git Jokes: Because Life's Not All Fun, Fun, Fun
by Ian AllenRailing against the world? Fed up with everything? In need of a hefty dose of cynical humour? Then Grumpy Old Git Jokes is the book for you.
The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life
by Geoff Tibballs'You'll laugh out loud and take delight in the gripes of the moaners out there' - The SunFrom Bob Geldof to Winston Churchill, Jeremy Clarkson to Victor Meldrew, the world has always produced its share of grumpy, moody, pessimistic and world-weary types. We all know one!They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat.The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.
Grumpy Old Holidays: The Official Handbook
by Judith HolderWelcome on board - holidays the Grumpy way!As every Grumpy Old Man and Woman knows, holidays are another way of keeping you all house-trained. They are civilised society's reminder to you that the tedium of everyday life is actually preferable to a fortnight spent in the company of nagging partners, other people's brats, bombastic in-laws; and - worse still - people who can't speak English. As soon as you check in at the airport you are marooned in a sea of screaming babies, dull-faced reps and bland airport food. Count yourself lucky if your optimistic expectation of a good holiday is even remotely fulfilled. Don't be fooled by the glamorous air-brushed photos of American models with tippexed teeth sitting by laguna pools, cocktail in hand. There may be beautiful sunsets by the beach in the brochure, but you'll inevitably find that a) you should have booked the neighbouring hotel (and if you're lucky she'll tell you so, 'ad nauseam') b) you picked the rainy/religious holiday/mosquito/plague infestation season - and wonder why it was so cheap and c) you'll have had too much sex or food by the third or fourth day and be bored of each other, but there's no-one else to talk to, apart from monosyllabic waiting staff and the ubiquitous Russians. A holiday is supposed to be a lovely break, isn't it? This book proves that it is the stay-at-homes who have all the fun.
Grumpy Old Men: The Secret Diary
by Stuart PrebbleTo everything there is a season. A time to be born, a time to die ... and a time to have a bloody good moan. Following the huge success of Grumpy Old Men, Stuart Prebble, writer of the highly acclaimed TV series, gives us a more in-depth look at what it's really like to be a pissed-off man of a certain age. In painstaking detail, he takes us through a year in the constantly irritated life of a Grumpy Old Man, recounting the manifold vexations and absurdities he has to put up with in the perpetual torment that we call modern living. Drinks parties, holidays, hospital visits, his children's misdemeanours, buying presents for the wife, watching television, attempts to visit the gym, trips to the shops, the trials and tribulations of everyday life - each event has something to tip him over the edge. Stuart's diary proves that grumpiness is not just an occasional mood or a temporary feeling, but a way of looking at the world, and will strike a chord with all those who are proud to call themselves Grumpy Old Men.
Grumpy Old Men: The Official Handbook
by Stuart PrebbleDo you know someone who is incensed by compulsory tipping? Who is infuriated if kept on hold for more than a minute? Who is positively apoplectic if someone answers their phone during dinner? If so, youve probably encountered the phenomenon of the grumpy old man. Following their first massively successful BBC1 series, this autumn will see the grumpy old men will return to our screens, and this time theyre grumpier than ever. Packed with funny and informative chapters such as Who are we, What are we grumpy about and How can you spot the signs of grumpiness coming on, this book will leave even the grumpiest of men with a grin on his face.
Grumpy Old Men: New Year, Same Old Crap
by David QuantickFollowing the phenomenal success of ‘Grumpy Old Men’, and ‘Grumpy Old Men on Holiday’, the guru of grump, David Quantick, takes a stand for miserable slobs everywhere against the self-help motivational mafia and keep-fit claptrap. The ultimate in stress-relief for the 21st-Century Grouch.
Grumpy Old Men: A Manual For The British Malcontent
by David QuantickAt last! A comprehensive, handy guide for the misery-guts in your life. Are you an irritable, crabby, cantankerous, malcontented old grump? Well relax, because you're not alone. Grumpy Old Men is an annotated, cross-referenced and fully illustrated manual for malcontents everywhere: the comprehensive Gripes of Wrath.
Grumpy Old Men on Holiday (Text Only)
by David QuantickFollowing the phenomenal success of Grumpy Old Men, the quintessential grumpy old man, David Quantick, has taken a well-deserved holiday. But no matter where you go, there is always something to moan about.
Grumpy Old Women: (but Still Feeling Eighteen Inside)
by Judith HolderWe all know what it means these days to be a grumpy old man, because part of that role is to be outspoken. Well, we've heard just about enough out of the men, thank you very much! Grumpy Old Women gives us the other perspective: the female take on the million irritations of today's world. So whats the difference? Surely what is irritating to the mature members of one sex is equally annoying to the other? Not necessarily, and this is precisely what Grumpy Old Women seeks to address. Body image, visitors, children, animals, shopping, careers, parties, holidays and, yes, grumpy old men themselves all are very much on the list of what today's mature woman finds a source of concern. From the series producer and stand-up comic Judith Holder, the book incorporates material from the television series Grumpy Old Women, which features a diverse, colourful and very grumpy group of celebrities, including Janet Street Porter, Jenny Eclair, Ann Widdecombe, Germaine Greer, Kathryn Flett and Jilly Cooper. Written with wit, style and sympathy, the book is a source of both amusement and comfort to women everywhere - grumpy, old or otherwise.
Grumpy Old Workers: The Official Handbook
by Stuart Prebble'I owe, I owe, so off to work we go.' A Grumpy perspective on the daily grind.Whether we are celebrity chef or hapless waiter, engineer or oily rag, commissioning editor or TV producer, all of us have a whole daily wagon-load of s**t to deal with in the name of work. From boardroom to boredom, from 'what's the point?' to Powerpoint, from 9 to 5 to P45. And that's what this new book from uber-grump Stuart Prebble is all about; the utter everyday relentless crapulence of working for 'the man', or indeed 'the woman'. The workplace is a piece of cake for someone of his curmudgeonly quality. It's not possible in a book of this size to include ALL the grumps arising from the working day - the office politics, the shortcomings of IT, the interminable meetings and some of your colleagues' weirder habits, but he is giving it a go. Grumpy? I'll say we are ...
Guarding His Fortune (The Fortunes of Texas: The Lost Fortunes #4)
by Stella BagwellKeeping her safe may cost his heart. Is he willing to pay the price?
Gudetama: Recipes for Living a Lazy Life
by Sanrio Jenn FujikawaFrom Japanese fare to pizza, egg salad, burgers, and tacos, this officially licensed Gudetama cookbook will show you how to feast the lazy way with this collection of craveable comfort recipes inspired by everyone's favorite lazy egg with the can't-be-bothered attitude. Like Gudetama's name -- gude gude is Japanese for "lazy" and tama is a shortened version of the Japanese word tamago, meaning "egg" -- the inspiration for these recipes is equal parts delicious, lazy, and seriously easy to make.The Gudetama Cookbook is the perfect combination of easy cooking and a love of lazy living. The recipes in this book are for everyone from novices to experienced home cooks and one look at each recipe's lazy meter will tell you exactly how much effort you'll need to execute each dish. Also included are full-color illustrations of Gudetama and food, fun sidebars, and Gudetama quotes.Dishes are divided into sections like Barely Awake Breakfasts, Lazy Lunches, Drowsy Dinners, Tired Treats, and Sleepy Sips. Recipes include: Unmotivated Breakfast SandwichToo Tired Tater Tot BakeTuckered Out Tamago Sando (Japanese egg salad sandwich)Slow-Paced Short RibsMaybe I'll Make MeatloafStress-Free Strawberry Ice Cream PieEasygoing EggnogAnd more!
Gudetama Cross-Stitch: 30 Easy-to-Follow Patterns from Your Favorite Lazy Egg
by Sosae Caetano Dennis CaetanoGudetama Cross-Stitch combines cross-stitching fun with 30 easy-to-follow patterns inspired by everyone's favorite lazy egg with the can't-be-bothered attitude. Gudetama&’s name literally translates to &“lazy egg,&” and it&’s how we all feel sometimes when it comes to, well, pretty much anything. But if you&’re the kind of person who doesn&’t have time for complicated crafts or dealing with other people, then this collection of 30 Gudetama-inspired designs are just for you. First, you&’ll learn cross-stitching basics including tools and techniques and how to read a cross-stitch chart. Then you&’ll apply your new skills to a range of hilarious and lovable patterns organized into chapters like Lazy, Medium-Lazy, and Pay Attention—depending on how sluggish or motivated you&’re feeling. Finally, you&’ll be able to apply your masterpieces to projects like gift tags, greeting cards, and ornaments. Whether you&’re an experienced cross-stitcher or new to the craft, you&’ll find a variety of poses and patterns in this book that are accessible and easy to learn. With a little patience and practice, anyone can bring these Gudetama-inspired masterpieces to life. And if not, just take a nap.
The Guest List
by Melissa HillWhen funny, kind and gorgeous Shane proposes, Cara is over the moon, and can't wait to share the news of their engagement with all their friends and family.Excitement, however, quickly turns to apprehension when it seems that everyone has a fixed idea of the perfect wedding and offers to 'help' with the planning. With tussles over the ceremony and the size of the guest list, sibling rivalry and insistent in-laws-to-be, Cara can see her vision of the big day being ripped to shreds.So she and Shane determine to make a stand and do things their way. But when they announce their plans for a beach wedding on a beautiful Caribbean island, there is uproar. Threats are made, family secrets are revealed, and things turn decidedly stormy. Will Cara and Shane manage to overcome all obstacles? Or will their dream wedding turn into a nightmare?
The Guestbook at Willow Cottage: A Feel-good, Romantic Comedy To Make You Smile (Hq Fiction Ser.)
by Holly MartinDon’t miss this gorgeous romantic comedy from bestseller Holly Martin! Welcome to Willow Cottage – throw open the shutters, let in the sea breeze and make yourself completely at home. Oh, and please do leave a comment in the Guestbook!
A Guide to Being Just Friends: A perfect feel-good rom-com read!
by Sophie Sullivan'A refreshing romance with a strong sense of setting and a charismatic cast' Publishers Weekly on How to Love Your NeighbourA frothy, effervescent rom-com from sparkling romance author Sophie Sullivan.............................................Hailey Sharp has a one-track mind:Get her salad shop off the ground.Do everything possible to make it a success.Repeat. With a head full of entrepreneurial ideas and a bad ex in her rear-view mirror, Hailey's one and only focus is living life the way she wants to. No distractions. For Wes Jansen, companionship, not passion, is the name of the game. After the pain from his parents' angry divorce and a string of lacklustre first dates, he'd much rather find someone who he likes, but won't love. Following a disastrous meet cute that wasn't even intended for them, Hailey and Wes go their separate ways. But when Wes finds Hailey to apologize for his behaviour, they strike up a friendship - and that's all it will ever be. Hailey doesn't want any distractions.Wes doesn't want to fall in love.What could possibly go wrong?............................................Praise for Sophie Sullivan!'Once you start reading, you won't be able to put it down' Lyssa Kay Adams'Impossible to read without smiling - escapist romantic comedy at its finest' Lauren Layne'A funny, sweet rom com from a fresh, sparkling new voice' Andie J. Christopher'Sophie Sullivan's writing feels like a warm hug' Rachel Lynn Solomon'This is a Hallmark movie in book form' Helen Hoang
The Guide to the Treehouse: Who's Who and What's Where? (The Treehouse Series #14)
by Andy GriffithsThere are lots of laughs at every level in The Guide to the Treehouse: Who's Who and What's Where?, a laugh-out-loud, fully illustrated guide giving you the inside scoop into the world of the Treehouse from the creators Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton.An essential guide for any Treehouse fan, this fantastic book welcomes readers old and new into the immersive world of Treehouse. Jam-packed with engrossing details - full of trivia, fun facts, and with never-before-known details, this collection is a guide book like no other, as well as an essential companion to the Treehouse series.Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!
The Guilty Feminist: From our noble goals to our worst hypocrisies
by Deborah Frances-WhiteTHE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER*Now with new interviews with Fleabag's Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Nanette's Hannah Gadsby*'This really is the "everything you have always wanted to know about feminism but were afraid to ask" manual. Essential reading for the planet' EMMA THOMPSONFrom inclusion to the secret autonomy in rom coms, from effective activism to what poker can tell us about power structures, Deborah Frances-White explores what it means to be a twenty-first-century feminist and encourages us to make the world better for everyone.'Passionate, funny, fresh' Barbara Ellen, Observer'Immensely appealing' Sunday Times'Full of inspiring and challenging ideas, encouraging every woman to say: "I get to be heard. I deserve to be seen' Daily Express
Guinea Pig in White Wine Sauce
by Alan RochfordAlan Rochford was living the dream when he started Stone Cottage, an idyllic French restaurant nestled in the Adelaide Hills. He had everything going for him apart from experience, money, and the first idea about what he was doing. After two years and one divorce, he began to see the funny side, fed on an endless diet of characters and occurrences so crazy that you couldn’t make them up. Australia’s answer to Basil Fawlty, Alan serves up a degustation of lip-smacking anecdotes, from his side-line in snail trading across the French countryside, to the time two customers got a touch too ‘intimate’ in the middle of his dining room. Guinea Pig in White Wine Sauce is the tale of one man trying to keep his head in the certifiably insane world of fine dining.
A Guinea Pig Nativity
by Bloomsbury PublishingYou know the story ... Mary and Joseph make the journey to Bethlehem, only to find there's no room at the inn. Then along come angels, shepherds and three kings from afar to worship the baby Jesus in the manger. A Guinea Pig Nativity is the classic Christmas story as you've never seen it before: with (you guessed it) guinea pigs photographed in the starring roles. Sweet, humble and funny, they bring their own guinea-pig-joyfulness to the nativity in a way that is completely irresistible. It's the perfect stocking filler!
A Guinea Pig Nativity (Guinea Pig Classics)
by Bloomsbury PublishingYou know the story. . . Mary and Joseph make the journey to Bethlehem, only to find there's no room at the inn. Then along come angels, shepherds, and three kings from afar to worship the baby Jesus in the manger. A Guinea Pig Nativity is the classic Christmas story as you've never seen it before: with (you guessed it) guinea pigs photographed in the starring roles. Sweet, humble, and funny, they bring their own guinea-pig-joyfulness to the nativity in a way that is completely irresistible.
A Guinea Pig Pride And Prejudice (Guinea Pig Classics Ser.)
by Tess Newall Tess Gammell Alex Goodwin Jane AustenIt is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single guinea pig in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. It is a truth personally acknowledged by Mrs. Bennet that all five of her furry daughters-Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia-are in need of husbands. To her mother's grave disappointment, Elizabeth Bennet is headstrong and won't take just anyone, especially not the haughty Mr. Darcy.* Elizabeth blames the arrogant gentleman for steering Mr. Bingley, one of the rare men in possession of a good fortune, away from her older sister Jane. But when boy-crazy Kitty and Lydia fall in with the wrong crowd, it is Darcy who saves the day-and the Bennet family honor-and wins Elizabeth's tiny, rapidly beating rodent heart. This delightful retelling of Pride and Prejudice is illustrated throughout with full color photos of the finest guinea pig actors working today. Costumers familiar with the elegant curves of the guinea pig form have tailored lush period looks. And of course, it is the love between guinea pigs that can best illustrate the depth of feeling between Jane Austen's Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. *The guinea pig playing Darcy struggled with looking supercilious, though rest assured, when carrots were removed from the elegant sets, the actor was able to still his nose long enough to look down it, and once he donned his summer-weight waistcoat, he made a fine and dashing Darcy.
A Guinea Pig Pride & Prejudice (Guinea Pig Classics)
by Jane Austen Alex Goodwin Tess NewallIt is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.And Mrs Bennet has five unmarried daughters in want of husbands. Life is fairly uneventful until a promising young man, Mr Bingley, takes the nearby estate of Netherfield Park. And with him comes a handsome friend, whom the ladies see brooding in the corner at the next ball. The dashing Mr Darcy gains the admiration of every lady in the room, until, that is, he refuses to dance with Elizabeth Bennet. As time passes and their acquaintance grows, however, Mr Darcy begins to find Elizabeth's face rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes…Here is a brand new abridgement of the classic Jane Austen novel – this time with a cute, humble and handsome cast of guinea pigs in the starring roles. It's even more dreamy to fall in love with a furry Mr Darcy.'This may be the definitive version of Pride and Prejudice. If they could get War and Peace down to this length, it would be a service to mankind' Salman Rushdie'If you're anything like me, you had no idea how much the world needed a furry rodent reenactment of Lizzie and Darcy's love story until one existed' Melissa Albert