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Dim Wit: The Funniest, Stupidest Things Ever Said
by Rosemarie Jarski'They misunderestimated me' George W. Bush Einstein said only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity. So in deference to the dumbing down of our culture, comes Dim Wit - a collection of the most jaw-droppingly stupid things ever said. The cast includes every famous foot-in-mouther from George W Bush to Prince Philip, Paris Hilton to Jade Goody, not to mention hundreds of unsung idiots plucked from villages the world over. The result is a confederacy of dunces more pro-fun than profound - a clever witticism may coax an inward smile but it takes a really stupid remark to deliver a belly laugh. So pick up Dim Wit and prepare to embrace your inner moron - it may be the smartest thing you do...'My grandma overheard two women talking in a doctor's surgery. After a while, one said to the other, "Do you know, Mary, I don't feel too well. I think I'll go home."' - Robyn Jankel'I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead.' - Samuel Goldwyn 'Winston Churchill? Wasn't he the first black President of America? There's a statue of him near me - that's black.' - Danielle Lloyd
Dimension of Miracles (Penguin Science Fiction)
by Robert Sheckley'Hilarious SF satire. Douglas Adams said it was the only thing like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, although written ten years earlier. It's wonderful' Neil GaimanThis madcap cosmic farce relates the adventures of the hapless human Carmody, as he attempts to make his way home to Earth after winning the grand prize in the Intergalactic Sweepstake, encountering parallel worlds, incompetent bureaucrats and talking dinosaurs on the way.'The greatest entertainer ever produced by science fiction ... a feast of wit and intelligence' J. G. Ballard
Dinna Fash Yersel, Scotland!: Scottish Grannies' Sayings for Challenging Times
by Allan MorrisonThese are tough times. Prices spiralling! Climate change! International tension! Pandemics! It’s not hard to find things to worry about.But Scottish grannies can be an oasis of calm. Their wit and wisdom, their compassion and knowhow, their measured good sense and withering reproaches are exactly what is required.Scottish grannies are reassuring. They are relevant. And they need to be heard.
The Dinner
by Herman KochSHORTLISTED FOR THE NATIONAL BOOK AWARDS - INTERNATIONAL AUTHOR OF THE YEARLONGLISTED FOR THE IMPAC DUBLIN LITERARY AWARDSThe million-copy bestseller that has got everyone talking.'A brilliantly addictive novel that wraps its hands around your throat on page one and doesn't let go' -- SJ WatsonA summer's evening in Amsterdam and two couples meet at a fashionable restaurant. Between mouthfuls of food and over the delicate scraping of cutlery, the conversation remains a gentle hum of politeness - the banality of work, the triviality of holidays. But the empty words hide a terrible conflict and, with every forced smile and every new course, the knives are being sharpened...Each couple has a fifteen-year-old son. Together, the boys have committed a horrifying act, caught on camera, and their grainy images have been beamed into living rooms across the nation; despite a police manhunt, the boys remain unidentified - by everyone except their parents. As the dinner reaches its culinary climax, the conversation finally touches on their children and, as civility and friendship disintegrate, each couple shows just how far they are prepared to go to protect those they love.
Dinner for Two
by Mike GayleA witty and touching novel for fans of Tony Parsons and Nick Hornby.Thirty-two-year-old music journalist Dave Harding has got a nice house, a cushy job and in Izzy, his partner, the ideal companion for an intimate dinner for two. But when friends of Dave announce they're having a baby the biological clock he never knew existed starts ticking. Loudly. When the magazine Dave works for folds he is forced to take the worst job in journalism - Agony Uncle for Teen Scene. Suddenly cooler-than-cool Dave is knee deep in the adolescent outpourings of his teenage readership. One letter out of thousands, however, turns his life upside down. Thirteen-year-old Nicola O'Connell doesn't want advice about boys - she wants to know about Dave because she's convinced that Dave Harding is her dad. And she's got the facts to prove it.
Dinner Ladies of Doooooom! (EDGE: Tommy Donbavand's Funny Shorts #7)
by Tommy DonbavandWritten by the author of CBBC's Scream Street TV series!There's something weird going on at Penny Bridge School. Kids are asking for extra homework, demanding to stay in at break time to solve maths problems, and running their own spelling tests over lunch. It's unnatural!Two pupils set out to discover the cause of this very odd behaviour, and the trail leads them into the school canteen...Tommy Donbavand's Funny Shorts is a series of 4,000-word colour illustrated, chapter-based readers, which are perfect for bridging the gap between first chapter books and independent reading.Published by Franklin Watts EDGE, using off-white paper and a font recommended by the British Dyslexia Association.
The Dinner Party: Stories
by Joshua Ferris'He reflected in future retrospect on the evening and foretold every gesture, every word. "I can't do it," he said. "I can predict everything that will happen from the moment they arrive to the little kiss on the cheek goodbye and I just can't goddamn do it."'The Dinner Party immerses us in the comic and strange realities of modern life, as we journey through the lives of the unlovable, the unloved, and those who love too much: Jack, who nervously tries to befriend the surly removal man by buying him a latte and a croissant; Sarah, who endlessly imagines how her evening would have been better had she only chosen a different restaurant; Joe, who spends a night alone at the office and surreptitiously starts to rearrange his colleagues' belongings.These are stories about the infinite possibilities of a person's life, from an agonizingly funny and original writer.
Dinner with the Schnabels
by Toni Jordan'I loved every page of this funny, warm, delightful novel!' LIANE MORIARTYYou can marry into them, but can you ever really be one of them?A novel about marriage, love and family.Things haven't gone well for Simon Larsen lately. He adores his wife, Tansy, and his children, but since his business failed and he lost the family home, he can't seem to get off the couch.His larger-than-life in-laws, the Schnabels - Tansy's mother, sister and brother - won't get off his case. To keep everyone happy, Simon needs to do one little job: he has a week to landscape a friend's backyard for an important Schnabel family event.But as the week progresses, Simon is derailed by the arrival of an unexpected house guest. Then he discovers Tansy is harbouring a secret. As his world spins out of control, who can Simon really count on when the chips are down?Life with the Schnabels is messy, chaotic and joyful, and Dinner with the Schnabels is as heartwarming as it is outrageously funny.Praise for Dinner with the Schnabels:'Told with great humour and pathos. It is a tonic and a delight.' PIP WILLIAMS, author of The Dictionary of Lost Words'Toni Jordan at her finest - brilliantly observed and highly entertaining. I inhaled her words then snorted them out laughing!' JOANNA NELL'Smart, tender, wise and hilarious. This is a dinner I didn't want to leave.' KATHRYN HEYMANPraise for Toni Jordan:'Laugh-out-loud funny' The Australian Women's Weekly'Crisp and clever' Saturday Paper'A moving comedy' Who Weekly'An emotionally rich domestic drama' The Australian'Pitch-perfect blend of intelligence, compassion and humour' The Guardian
Dinner with the Schnabels
by Toni Jordan'I loved every page of this funny, warm, delightful novel!' LIANE MORIARTYYou can marry into them, but can you ever really be one of them?A novel about marriage, love and family.Things haven't gone well for Simon Larsen lately. He adores his wife, Tansy, and his children, but since his business failed and he lost the family home, he can't seem to get off the couch.His larger-than-life in-laws, the Schnabels - Tansy's mother, sister and brother - won't get off his case. To keep everyone happy, Simon needs to do one little job: he has a week to landscape a friend's backyard for an important Schnabel family event.But as the week progresses, Simon is derailed by the arrival of an unexpected house guest. Then he discovers Tansy is harbouring a secret. As his world spins out of control, who can Simon really count on when the chips are down?Life with the Schnabels is messy, chaotic and joyful, and Dinner with the Schnabels is as heartwarming as it is outrageously funny.Praise for Dinner with the Schnabels:'Told with great humour and pathos. It is a tonic and a delight.' PIP WILLIAMS, author of The Dictionary of Lost Words'Toni Jordan at her finest - brilliantly observed and highly entertaining. I inhaled her words then snorted them out laughing!' JOANNA NELL'Smart, tender, wise and hilarious. This is a dinner I didn't want to leave.' KATHRYN HEYMANPraise for Toni Jordan:'Laugh-out-loud funny' The Australian Women's Weekly'Crisp and clever' Saturday Paper'A moving comedy' Who Weekly'An emotionally rich domestic drama' The Australian'Pitch-perfect blend of intelligence, compassion and humour' The Guardian
A Dinosaur Ate My Sister: A Marcus Rashford Bookclub Choice (A Dinosaur Ate My Sister)
by Pooja PuriA Dinosaur Ate My Sister is the first book selected in the Marcus Rashford Book Club.'The perfect story to escape into and find adventure. Pooja is super talented and I'm a big fan!' - Marcus Rashford MBEThis brilliantly illustrated, laugh-out-loud, wacky adventure through time by Pooja Puri is the perfect blend of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Jurassic Park. Before you start reading, there are a few things you should know:1. I, Esha Verma, am a genius inventor extraordinaire.2. There is nothing I cannot invent. This includes words. 3. I did not mean to send my sister back to the Age of the Dinosaurs. That was HER OWN FAULT (Mum and Dad, if you’re reading this, please take note).Esha Verma, her snotty apprentice Broccoli and his cunning pet tortoise have a dream. They are going to win the legendary Brain Trophy – the ultimate inventing prize. This year's entry: A TIME MACHINE.But the day before the competition, Esha's IGNORAMUS big sister hijacks the time machine and is lost in the Cretaceous age. With help from a new recruit for The Office of Time, Esha and Broccoli will have to face hungry dinosaurs, mysterious black holes and malfunctioning inventions to get them back in time.The Marcus Rashford Book Club is a collaboration between Marcus Rashford and Macmillan Children's Books, inspiring children to develop a love of reading and literacy as a life skill.
Dinosaur Bash! The Ankylosaurus (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #11)
by Peter CurtisMeet Dinosaur Bash, an Ankylosaurus, in this brilliant rhyming story, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Dinosaur Bash loves to play, but the club on his tail is scaring his friends away. Just when all hope seems lost, Dinosaur Roar arrives with some helpful advice. Will Dinosaur Bash learn how to keep an eye on his tail and win his friends back? With fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, Dinosaur Bash! The Ankylosaurus is perfect for preschool children.Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Professor Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide, as well as two pages of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans!Also available: Dinosaur Chew! The Iguanodon, Dinosaur Squeak! The Compsognathus, Dinosaur Honk! The Parasaurolophus . . . and more!
Dinosaur Boo! The Deinonychus (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #2)
by Peter Curtis Jeanne WillisMeet the naughty Dinosaur Boo, in this brilliant rhyming story about a Deinonychus, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Dinosaur Boo loves nothing more than playing tricks on the other dinosaurs, but he had better look out as he might just be in for a surprise of his own . . . With a fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, and award-winning author, Jeanne Willis, Dinosaur Boo! The Deinonychus is great to read aloud and perfect for preschool children.Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Dr Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide as well as a spread of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans!Discover more stories featuring these fun dinosaur characters: Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus rex, Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus, Dinosaur Snap! The Spinosaurus, Dinosaur Whack! The Stegosaurus . . . and more!
Dinosaur Chew! The Iguanodon (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #12)
by Peter CurtisMeet Dinosaur Chew, an Iguanodon, in this brilliant rhyming story, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Dinosaur Chew spends his days on the heath, lazing around and chewing on grasses. But when Dinosaur Munch inspires him to try something different, Dinosaur Chew sets off to explore new ways of doing things. Will the lazy dinosaur ever change his ways? With fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, Dinosaur Chew! The Iguanodon is perfect for preschool children.Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Professor Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide, as well as two pages of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans!Also available: Dinosaur Bash! The Ankylosaurus, Dinosaur Squeak! The Compsognathus, Dinosaur Honk! The Parasaurolophus . . . and more!
Dinosaur Flap! The Oviraptor (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #6)
by Peter Curtis Jeanne WillisMeet Dinosaur Flap, the nervous Oviraptor, in this brilliant rhyming story, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Poor Dinosaur Flap just can't settle down for a nap – she's always worrying about protecting her eggs. But with a little help from a friend, will she ever be able to relax? With a fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, and award-winning author, Jeanne Willis, Dinosaur Flap! The Oviraptor is perfect for preschool children.Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Dr Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide as well as a spread of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans!Discover more stories featuring these fun dinosaur characters: Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus rex, Dinosaur Stomp! The Triceratops, Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus, Dinosaur Snap! The Spinosaurus . . . and more!
Dinosaur Honk! The Parasaurolophus (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #9)
by Peter CurtisMeet Dinosaur Honk, a noisy Parasaurolophus, in this brilliant rhyming story, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Dinosaur Honk's honk annoys all the other dinosaurs. She's too loud and causes chaos wherever she goes. Until one day, she discovers that her honk might just come in handy . . . With fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, Dinosaur Honk! The Parasaurolophus is perfect for preschool children. Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Dr Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide, as well as two pages of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans! Discover more stories featuring these fun dinosaur characters: Dinosaur Squeak! The Compsognathus, Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus rex, Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus . . . and more!
The Dinosaur Hunt (The Adventures of Paddington)
by HarperCollins Children’s BooksA brilliant new dino-themed picture book based on the award-winning animated series, The Adventures of Paddington! When Paddington receives a special new pop-up dinosaur book it inspires him to go looking for dinosaurs! Paddington and his friends explore No-man’s Island not knowing who or what still lives there. Could they have found the last living dinosaur on Earth? A hilarious new story about going on adventures, following clues and being brave!
Dinosaur Hunter: The Ultimate Guide to the Biggest Game (Open Book Adventures Ser.)
by Steve WhiteCongratulations - your application for a Mesozoic hunting licence has been successful!Before you travel back in time and charge headlong into a pack of prehistoric big game, we strongly advise that you read the following guidebook. It will provide you with information crucial to success – and survival! You will learn the basic facts of the geography, climate and environmental conditions of the three periods that make up the exciting Mesozoic era. The book then covers the huge variety of dinosaurs that stalk these times, giving tips on identification, tracking, and the best weapons to bring them down! Let the hunt begin!
Dinosaur Hunter: The Ultimate Guide to the Biggest Game
by Steve WhiteCongratulations - your application for a Mesozoic hunting licence has been successful!Before you travel back in time and charge headlong into a pack of prehistoric big game, we strongly advise that you read the following guidebook. It will provide you with information crucial to success – and survival! You will learn the basic facts of the geography, climate and environmental conditions of the three periods that make up the exciting Mesozoic era. The book then covers the huge variety of dinosaurs that stalk these times, giving tips on identification, tracking, and the best weapons to bring them down! Let the hunt begin!
Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #3)
by Peter Curtis Jeanne WillisMeet Dinosaur Munch, a Diplodocus with a giant appetite, in this brilliant rhyming story, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Dinosaur Munch is always hungry – he wants more and more and more – but will his huge appetite get him into trouble? With a fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, and award-winning author, Jeanne Willis, Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus is perfect for preschool children.Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Dr Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide as well as a spread of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans!Discover more stories featuring these fun dinosaur characters: Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus rex, Dinosaur Stomp! The Triceratops, Dinosaur Snap! The Spinosaurus, Dinosaur Flap! The Oviraptor . . . and more!
Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus rex (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #1)
by Peter Curtis Jeanne WillisMeet Dinosaur Roar, king of the dinosaurs, in this brilliant rhyming story about a Tyrannosaurus rex, part of a collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.With a fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis and award-winning author, Jeanne Willis, Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus rex is great to read aloud and perfect for preschool children. Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Dr Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide as well as a spread of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans!Discover more stories featuring these fun dinosaur characters: Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus, Dinosaur Stomp! The Triceratops, Dinosaur Snap! The Spinosaurus, Dinosaur Flap! The Oviraptor . . . and more!
Dinosaur Snap! The Spinosaurus (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #5)
by Peter Curtis Jeanne WillisMeet Dinosaur Snap, the scary Spinosaurus, in this brilliant rhyming story, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Dinosaur Snap is a big, bad, bossy giant. But, after trying to creep up on Dinosaur Whack, trying to terrify Dinosaur Flap and trying to eat little Dinosaur Squeak, Snap realizes that he can't use his spiky scariness to bully and bother the other dinosaurs, not when Dinosaur Roar is king. With a fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, and award-winning author, Jeanne Willis, Dinosaur Snap! The Spinosaurus is perfect for preschool children.Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Dr Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide as well as a spread of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans!Discover more stories featuring these fun dinosaur characters: Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus rex, Dinosaur Stomp! The Triceratops, Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus, Dinosaur Flap! The Oviraptor . . . and more!
Dinosaur Squeak! The Compsognathus (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #10)
by Peter CurtisMeet Dinosaur Squeak, the little Compsognathus, in this brilliant rhyming story, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Dinosaur Squeak is so tiny, none of the other dinosaurs notice her or even hear her when she speaks! Though her best friend, Dinosaur Roar, is always looking out for her, Squeak is determined to prove that she can survive all on her own. How will she make her voice heard? With fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, Dinosaur Squeak! The Compsognathus is perfect for preschool children. Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Dr Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide, as well as two pages of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for very young dinosaur fans! Discover more stories featuring these fun dinosaur characters: Dinosaur Honk! The Parasaurolophus, Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus Rex, Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus . . . and more!
Dinosaur Stomp! The Triceratops (The World of Dinosaur Roar! #4)
by Peter Curtis Jeanne WillisMeet Dinosaur Stomp, the grumpy Triceratops, in this brilliant rhyming story, part of the collectable The World of Dinosaur Roar! series, in association with the Natural History Museum.Dinosaur Stomp doesn’t want to play with the other dinosaurs, all he wants is to be left alone . . . but sometimes even a grumpy Triceratops needs a friend! With a fantastic rhyming text written by series creator, Peter Curtis, and award-winning author, Jeanne Willis, Dinosaur Stomp! The Triceratops is perfect for preschool children.Inspired by the classic picture book, Dinosaur Roar! by Paul Stickland and Henrietta Stickland, this colourful series introduces a cast of authentic dinosaur characters to very young children and is approved by Dr Paul Barrett of the Department of Earth Sciences at the Natural History Museum in London. Each book also contains a pronunciation guide as well as a spread of simple dinosaur facts, making this the perfect gift for young dinosaur fans!Discover more stories featuring these fun dinosaur characters: Dinosaur Roar! The Tyrannosaurus rex, Dinosaur Munch! The Diplodocus, Dinosaur Snap! The Spinosaurus, Dinosaur Whack! The Stegosaurus . . . and more!