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Crap Dad Jokes
by Ian AllenWhat do you call a decomposing whale? Mouldy Dick. And that joke sums up, somewhat poorly, the 999 other jokes in Crap Dad Jokes. This is not a joke book that will make most people laugh. It is designed purely for dear ol' Dad. Following hot on the humorous heels of Porticos Very Embarrassing Book of Dad Jokes comes this awful sequel for your parental amusement. Crammed with 1000 jokes that will make your silly Dad roll all over on the floor laughing, this book is guaranteed to really annoy the rest of the family. In fact, the jokes are so bad, you'll probably want to tear the book up and feed it to the dog. With that said and done, it's the perfect present for Father's Day and your dad. Because he's worth it. What athlete is warmest in the winter? A long jumper.
Dad Dancing: And Other Embarrassing Dad Behaviour
by Ian AllenIt's official: dads were put onto this planet to embarrass the rest of their families. This hilarious book is a spotter's guide to the innumerable ways Dad can achieve this, whether it's via ridiculous dancing, experimental facial hair, cringeworthy sportswear or putting his foot in it at funerals.
Dad Disasters
by Ian AllenDisasters are terrible things: the sinking of the Titanic, the crash of theHindenburg, the collapse of the Tay Bridge, etc. – not funny at all. But DadDisasters are a completely different kettle of fishfingers. From DIY debacles to motoring mishaps, your typical Dad is highly skilled in putting his foot in it in a variety of hilarious ways. Dad Disasters contains a wealth of stories from around the world illustrating the daft things Dads can get up to without even trying, and the disastrous situations famous Dads have created. Plus, a collection of the silliest things ever done by ordinary Dads to put their own stamp on family history. And, of course, no book for Dads would be complete without a sprinkling of jokes old and new about dopey Dads and their travails. Whether the Dad in your life is a seasoned veteran with all the campaign medals or a terrified new recruit who still doesn’t which way up the baby goes, this is the perfect book for him.
Even More Embarrassing Dad Jokes: So Bad They're Actually Good
by Ian AllenThe follow-up to Ian Allen’s uproarious Embarassing Dad Jokes, Even More Embarrassing Dad Jokes takes the ‘dad joke book’ to a new dimension!
Extremely Embarrassing Dad Jokes
by Ian AllenWhat happened to the man with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Grumpy Old Git Jokes: Because Life's Not All Fun, Fun, Fun
by Ian AllenRailing against the world? Fed up with everything? In need of a hefty dose of cynical humour? Then Grumpy Old Git Jokes is the book for you.
The VERY Embarrassing Book of Dad Jokes: Because Your Dad Thinks He's Hilarious
by Ian AllenWhy did the banana go to the doctors? Because he wasn't peeling very well!
The Wit and Wisdom of Winston Churchill
by Jon AllenIn this book you will find the best of that wit - ripe plums of humour taken from Churchill's parliamentary replies and ripostes, prepared addresses, asides and off-the-cuff remarks - all revealing a trenchant sharpness of mind, fine appreciation of humour and devastating sense of fun.
Everything Happens for a Reason
by Katie AllenWhen Rachel’s baby is stillborn, she becomes obsessed with the idea that saving a stranger’s life months earlier is to blame. An unforgettable, heart-wrenching, warm and funny debut…‘A stunning debut … a wise, moving, and thought-provoking novel’ Susan Elliot Wright‘A triumph … a book of hope and ambition and making sense of the world, a tale of acting spontaneously, living in the moment and throwing caution to the wind’ Isabella May‘So affecting. Profoundly sad. Funny. I just loved it’ Louise Beech––––––––––––––––––––––––Mum-to-be Rachel did everything right, but it all went wrong. Her son, Luke, was stillborn and she finds herself on maternity leave without a baby, trying to make sense of her loss.When a misguided well-wisher tells her that “everything happens for a reason”, she becomes obsessed with finding that reason, driven by grief and convinced that she is somehow to blame. She remembers that on the day she discovered her pregnancy, she’d stopped a man from jumping in front of a train, and she’s now certain that saving his life cost her the life of her son.Desperate to find him, she enlists an unlikely ally in Lola, an Underground worker, and Lola’s seven-year-old daughter, Josephine, and eventually tracks him down, with completely unexpected results... Both a heart-wrenchingly poignant portrait of grief and a gloriously uplifting and disarmingly funny story of a young woman’s determination, Everything Happens for a Reason is a bittersweet, life- affirming read and, quite simply, unforgettable.––––––––––––––––––––––––‘A heart-wrenching, soul-lifting read about loss and redemption in unlikely places’ Eve Smith‘Read it and weep but also, incredibly, find moments to laugh and to know there is life after death’ Julia Hobsbawm‘Beautiful … sad, quirky and at times very funny’ Madeleine Black‘Simultaneously devastating and hilarious’ Clare Allan‘Quirky yet insightful, bright yet wistful, amusing yet emotional … full of contradictions that fuse into the most surprising, moving, and beautiful novel’ Liz Robinson, LoveReading
Marrying His Cinderella Countess: Marrying His Cinderella Countess A Ring For The Pregnant Debutante The Governess Heiress (Mills And Boon Historical Ser.)
by Louise AllenA proposal from the enigmatic earl
Surrender To The Marquess: Surrender To The Marquess; Heiress On The Run; Convenient Proposal To The Lady; Waltzing With The Earl (The Herriard Family)
by Louise AllenA battle of wills!
The Unexpected Marriage Of Gabriel Stone: The Many Sins Of Cris De Feaux / The Unexpected Marriage Of Gabriel Stone (Lords of Disgrace #4)
by Louise AllenA proposition from a virgin!
Patricia Wants to Cuddle: A Novel
by Samantha AllenThis week on The CatchThe Final Four are headed to a remote, luxurious island, hoping to score some one-on-one time with America's most eligible bachelor.Tensions are high and emotions are running hot as the contestants compete for the attention of the Catch, and of the cameras. What they don't realise is that they've already been noticed by someone else.Get ready for the biggest - and bloodiest - Elimination Event of the season.What readers are saying'THIS WAS INSANE IN THE BEST WAY I AM OBSESSED''A gloriously bonkers book''This book sucked me in and I couldn't put it down!''One of my favorite books this year!!''It's a wild ride.''Funny and smart, it's also surprisingly tender.''It was a genuine page turner.'
Llama United: The Team With An Impossible Dream (Llama United Ser. #2)
by Scott AllenIt's time to get behind the football team with an impossible dream!What happens when eleven llamas unknowingly eat the ashes of one of the greatest footballers of all time? They become brilliant at football, of course! Managed by eleven-year-old Tim, his unusual friend Cairo and Scottish World Cup-winner McCloud (yes that 'happened' apparently), Llama United goes on an amazing cup run. But who wants to lose to a team of stupid llamas? Nobody, that's who!Rival teams will do anything in their power to stop Llama United in its tracks. When the best cup in the world is at stake, football can be a nasty old business . . .Scott Allen's Llama United is full of football funnies and laugh-a-minute llamas, illustrated by Sarah Horne.Support the team in the second hilarious Llama United book when they go to the World Cup in Llamas Go Large.
Llamas Go Large: A World Cup Story (Llama United Ser. #2)
by Scott AllenLlama United are the football team with a World Cup dream!Llama United has gone from strength to strength after their first Cup win, gaining fame and fortune along the way. Sadly the England football team is not having the same success and, with the World Cup looming, their manager is desperate to find a magic ingredient to beat their bitter rivals. Friends (and llama managers) Tim and Cairo have just that ingredient and agree to loan some of Llama United's top players. But not everything is plain sailing and, with Cairo strangely distracted by the rival team, and the llamas having trouble settling in, Tim has his work cut out for him. It seems not everybody wants to support the team with an impossible dream . . . Llamas Go Large: A World Cup Story is the second hilarious Llama United book from Scott Allen, full of football funnies and laugh-a-minute llamas, illustrated by Sarah Horne.
Jack Shit: Number Two
by Steve Allen Trevor de SilvaJack Shit rears his head once more, showcasing the best in toilet humour. Every loo should have one.
No Shame: the hilarious and candid memoir from one of our best-loved comedians
by Tom Allen'Wonderfully funny, utterly charming and sharp as all Hell' SARAH MILLICAN'Tom Allen is one of the funniest comedians in the UK, the best dressed man I know and now it turns out he is a superb writer. I hate him'JOSH WIDDICOMBE'A delightful, touching side-splitter'JO BRAND'An absolute joy! Funny, witty and totally charming'ALAN CARR~~~~~'When I was 16 I dressed in Victorian clothing in a bid to distract people from the fact that I was gay. It was a flawed plan.'No Shame is a very funny, candid and emotional ride of a memoir by one of our most beloved comedians. The working-class son of a coach driver, and the youngest member of the Noel Coward Society, Tom Allen grew up in 90s suburbia as the eternal outsider.In these hilarious, honest and heart breaking stories Tom recalls observations on childhood, his adolescence, the family he still lives with, and his attempts to come out and negotiate the gay dating scene. They are written with his trademark caustic wit and warmth, and will entertain, surprise and move you in equal measure.
About Last Night . . .: 1st 3 Chapters
by Catherine AlliottThe immensely funny and heartwarming number one bestseller. Molly gets a second chance in life - but will she have the courage to take it?Molly has traded London for a dream home in the country - except it was her husband's dream, not hers. And David is, well, rather dead now.So when a distant relative leaves her a London townhouse, Molly is ready to quit 'The Good Life' and return to her good life.But there's a rather tall, handsome problem - a man who's already living in Molly's new house. And when a face from her past reappears, she's no longer quite sure where she belongs.Do any of the men in Molly's life have honourable intentions?Is she ready to ditch muddy wellies for high heels?Or is she saying goodbye to the delights of country life too soon?Praise for Catherine Alliott'Irresistible' Daily Mail'Compulsively readable' The Times'Possibly my favourite writer' Marian Keyes
Behind Closed Doors: The compelling new novel from the bestselling author of A Cornish Summer
by Catherine AlliottThe page-turning new family drama from the Sunday Times bestselling author of A Cornish Summer'One of those fabulous books that leaves you with a smile on your face and hope in your heart' MILLY JOHNSON'Catherine Alliott at her very best' 5***** READER REVIEW'Packed with fantastic characters, uncomfortable truths, and flashes of pure comedy. Who could ask for more?' JILL MANSELL_______From the outside, anyone would think that Lucy Palmer has it all: loving children, a dashing husband and a gorgeous home.But when her marriage to Michael comes to an abrupt and unexpected end, her life is turned upside down in a flash.As the truth of her marriage threatens to surface, Lucy seizes the opportunity to swap her house in London - and the stories it hides - for a rural escape to her parents' farmhouse in the Chilterns.But Lucy gets more than she bargained for when she moves back to her childhood home, especially when it throws her into the path of an old flame.Coming face-to-face with her mistakes, Lucy is forced to confront the secrets she's been keeping from herself and those she loves.Is she ready to let someone in? Or will she leave the door to her past firmly closed . . ._______'Emotional and engaging, I was completely absorbed' Sarah Morgan'Compelling' Heidi Swain'I enjoyed every minute and couldn't put it down' 5***** Reader ReviewPraise for Catherine Alliott:'A huge treat. Hilarious yet poignant' Sophie Kinsella'Warm, witty and wise' Daily Mail'Her writing is both intelligent and sparkling' Marian Keyes'Hilarious and full of surprises' Daily Telegraph
A Cornish Summer: Escape to Cornwall with the perfect feel-good summer read
by Catherine AlliottFlora's been in love with her husband for twenty years.The trouble is, he's been married to someone else for the past fifteen.Now she's been invited to spend the summer in the shady lanes and sandy coves of Cornwall. It should be blissful.There's just one small snag: she'll be staying with her former mother-in-law, Belinda.And Flora discovers she's not the only one invited when her ex-husband shows up out of the blue, complete with his new wife. So now there are two small snags.Can Flora spend the summer playing happy families with the woman who stole her husband's heart, and the mother-in-law who might have had a hand in it?Or will stumbling on the family secret change her mind about them all?
A Cornish Summer: Escape to Cornwall with the perfect feel-good summer read
by Catherine Alliott**PRE-ORDER NOW - the irresistible new novel from the Number One bestselling author of About Last Night and Wish You Were Here**'THE PERFECT SUMMER READ' Sophie Kinsella__________Flora's been in love with her husband for twenty years. The trouble is, he's been married to someone else for the past fifteen . . . Now she's been invited to spend the summer in the shady lanes and sandy coves of Cornwall. It should be blissful.There's just one small snag: she'll be staying with her former mother-in-law, Belinda.And Flora discovers she's not the only one invited when her ex-husband shows up out of the blue, complete with his new wife. So now there are two small snags.Can Flora spend the summer playing happy families with the woman who stole her husband's heart, and the mother-in-law who might have had a hand in it?Or will stumbling on the family secret change her mind about them all?If you like Fern Britton, Katie Fforde and Sophie Kinsella, you'll love this heartwarming read._________'Oh how I enjoyed this! Yet another fabulous book, packed with glamour, delicious characters and myriad family complications!' Jill Mansell'I LOVE it. Catherine's writing is so warm, funny and heartfelt and no matter what's going on in your own world, you can curl up in Catherine's and feel her warmth like summer sun' Cathy Kelly'I've loved Catherine Alliott books since the first one. They're always a delight and this one's no exception' Carole Matthews'A magical mix of wit, warmth and poignancy' Trisha Ashley, bestselling author of The House of Hopes and Dreams
Going Too Far: Hilarious And Full Of Surprises
by Catherine AlliottFrom the bestselling author of A Crowded Marriage and One Day in May, comes Going Too Far, a gorgeous rural romantic comedy.'You've gone all fat and complacent because you've got your man, haven't you?'Polly Penhalligan is outraged at the suggestion that since getting married to Nick and settling into their beautiful manor farmhouse in Cornwall she has let herself go. But watching a lot of telly and gorging on biscuits, not getting dressed until lunchtime and waiting for pregnancy to strike are not the signs of someone living an active and fulfilled life. So Polly does something rash.She allows her home to be used as a location for a TV advert. Having a glamorous film crew around will certainly put a bomb under the idyllic, rural life. Only perhaps she should have consulted Nick first. Because before the cameras have even started to roll - and complete chaos descends on the farm - Polly's marriage has been turned upside down. This time she really has gone too far . . .'An addictive cocktail of wit, frivolity and madcap romance' Time Out
The Pink House: The heartwarming new novel and perfect summer escape from the Sunday Times bestselling author
by Catherine AlliottStep into THE PINK HOUSE, the heartwarming new novel from the Sunday Times bestselling author of Behind Closed Doors'An absolute joy. How I longed to live in the Pink House! Wise, funny, glamorously chaotic and achingly romantic' VERONICA HENRY'Another fantastic family drama with superb characterisation from this much-loved author' WOMAN'S WEEKLY'A joyful read about love and new starts'THE SUN'That dreamy pink house, the orchard, left wild with paths mown through it leading to beehives dotted about; the smoky blue rolling hills beyond . . .'__________Emma and Hugh have a dilemma. Hugh's parents have divorced and neither wants the Pink House - the family home he grew up in and which holds so many memories.If they take it on, they must also accept all that comes with it, including Hugh's sister Sally, living in the garden cottage; playing host to their eldest son's wedding; converting the barn into an art gallery for Emma's new career . . . Whatever happened to the lazy rural idyll?Then all Emma's expectations are thrown into doubt when she runs into Rory McCloud - the one who got away so many years ago.Suddenly, she's wondering what might have been . . .A big move can change so much, but for Emma could it change everything?__________'This deeply satisfying read brings Emma's desirable world to life and will keep you guessing until the end' DAILY EXPRESS 'A great family drama' WOMAN & HOMEPRAISE FOR CATHERINE ALLIOTT:'A huge treat. Hilarious yet poignant' Sophie Kinsella'Warm, witty and wise' Daily Mail'Her writing is both intelligent and sparkling' Marian Keyes'Hilarious and full of surprises' Daily Telegraph'Leaves you with a smile on your face and hope in your heart' Milly Johnson'Packed with fantastic characters, uncomfortable truths, and flashes of pure comedy. Who could ask for more?' Jill Mansell
Rosie Meadows Regrets...
by Catherine AlliottThe bestselling author of A Crowded Marriage and One Day in May tells a brilliantly romantic tale about a woman putting her mistakes behind her in Rosie Meadows Regrets . . .'Tell me, Alice, how does a girl go about getting a divorce these days?'Three years ago Rosie walked blindly into marriage with Harry. They have precisely nothing in common except perhaps their little boy Ivo. Not that Harry pays him much attention, preferring to spend his time with his braying upper class friends.But the night that Harry drunkenly does something unspeakable, Rosie decides he's got to go. In between fantasizing how she might bump him off, she takes the much more practical step of divorcing this blight on her and Ivo's lives.However, when reality catches up with her darkest fantasies, Rosie realizes, at long last, that it is time she took charge of her life. There'll be no more regrets, and time, perhaps, for a little love.Praise for Catherine Alliott:'Alliott's joie de vivre is irresistible' Daily Mail'Possibly my favourite writer' Marian Keyes
The Secret Life of Evie Hamilton: Abridged Us Edition
by Catherine AlliottFrom the bestselling author of One Day in May and A Crowded Marriage comes a heart-warming look at what happens when your whole world is turned upside-down.Evie Hamilton has a secret . . . one she doesn't even know about. Yet . . .Evie's an Oxfordshire wife and mum whose biggest worry in life is whether or not she can fit in a manicure on her way to fetch her daughter from clarinet lessons. But she's blissfully unaware that her charmed and happy life is about to be turned upside-down. For one sunny morning a letter lands on Evie's immaculate doormat. It's a bombshell, knocking her carefully arranged and managed world completely askew and it threatens to sabotage all she holds dear. What will be left and what will change forever? Is Evie strong enough to fight for what she loves? Can her entire world really be as fragile as her best china?Praise for Catherine Alliott:'Classy, wonderfully gossipy and breathless' Red'We defy you not to get caught up in Alliott's life-changing tale' Heat'Alliott at her best' Daily Telegraph