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LA Nights: A Short Story
by Lucy LordA short story from the hilarious author of A GIRL CALLED SUMMER - find out what Tamara was up to before her Ibiza adventures!
A Load of Balls: Football's Funny Side
by John ScallyAs former England striker and television pundit Jimmy Greaves famously said, football is 'a funny old game'. In A Load of Balls: Football's Funny Side, John Scally confirms the truth of his statement by providing a potpourri of double entendres, timeless quips and amusing anecdotes from the tongues of football's elite. Hundreds of silly stories and priceless nuggets have been sourced to recreate the unique excitement, drama and unpredictability of football in the words of the sport's practitioners. The result is a wry, quirky and sometimes outlandish catalogue of comic creations. For lovers of the absurd, outrageous and totally bizarre, this selection of stories and quotes will amuse and delight. Packed with priceless gaffes from the likes of David Beckham ('My parents have been there for me since I was about seven'), Bobby Robson ('We didn't underestimate them; they were just a lot better than we thought') and Paul Gascoigne ('I've never made any predictions about anything and I never will'), this hilarious collection is guaranteed to tickle the funny bone of even the most casual sports fan.
A Load of Old Tripe
by Gervase PhinnFor eleven-year old James Joseph Johnson (or Jimmy for short) life is not always straightforward. In fact, things can be quite complicated, and don't always turn out as he'd planned . . . Born in 1946, Jimmy lives with his Mum and Dad in a shiny red brick terraced house in South Yorkshire near the steel works. Sometimes the air is thick and metallic tasting, with bits of soot floating around like little black snowflakes. Despite all this, Jimmy wouldn't want to live anywhere else.His very best friend, Ignatius Plunkett, is a scrawny boy with a sharp beak of a nose, ears like jug handles and a mop of jet black hair. Micky is his rather 'posh' friend from the big houses down the road. The boys get into a few scrapes in the year leading up to the eleven-plus exams, but will they come out on top in the end?Will Jimmy survive a week looking after Butch, the temperamental, barrel-bodied bull terrier? Will the truth about the trip to buy Dad's tripe ever come out? What really happens to Jimmy's Mum's coffee and walnut cake, and will the mystery of the missing locket ever get solved?
Loads More Lies to tell Small Kids
by Andy RileyIt takes the beaks of seven penguins to make a Penguin biscuit'; 'All wind is made by wind farms'; 'Wine makes mummy clever'; 'Milk feels pain'. These are just some of the great lies that Andy Riley had you telling your kids last Christmas, in the Sunday Times bestseller GREAT LIES TO TELL SMALL KIDS. Now here are LOADS MORE LIES, to bamboozle more kids and entertain wicked adults everywhere... A brilliant sequel to the Sunday Times Top Ten bestseller.
Loathe To Love You: From the bestselling author of The Love Hypothesis
by Ali HazelwoodThree irresistible short stories by the global phenomenon Ali Hazelwood, now available together in paperback for the first time, with an exclusive bonus chapter.Mara, Sadie, and Hannah are friends first, scientists always. Though their fields of study might take them to different corners of the world, they can all agree on this universal truth: when it comes to love and science, opposites attract, and rivals make you burn....Under One RoofAn environmental engineer discovers that scientists should never cohabitate when she finds herself stuck with the roommate from hell - a detestable big-oil lawyer who won't leave the thermostat alone.Stuck with YouA civil engineer and her nemesis take their rivalry - and love - to the next level when they get stuck in a New York elevator.Below ZeroA NASA aerospace engineer's frozen heart melts as she lies injured and stranded at a remote Arctic research station and the only person willing to undertake the dangerous rescue mission is her longtime rival.Ali Hazelwood's latest novel, Love on the Brain is out now.
Local Anaesthetic
by Günter GrassStarusch, a bachelor aged forty teaching 'German and history (two inseparable subjects), undergoes protracted treatment by a dentist who uses TV to distract his patients. Gagged in his chair, the patient projects onto the screen his past and present with the fluidity and visual quality of the movies. Reality and fantasy, the actual and the repressed, overrun the screen in a mirror image of German history. Thus among other episodes we see Krings, one of Hitler's most ferocious 'fight-to-the-finish' generals, return from Russian captivity and engage in sandbox reconstructions of Germany's battles, determined to win them this time. In a casual throwaway, the author reveals his true identity -- Field Marshal Schoerner.Under the influence of local anesthesia, Starusch's imagination releases h erotic fantasies and the very violence he tries to combat in his pupils, one of them a militant Maoist. The dentist, dispensing humdrum wisdom and painkillers with godlike aloofness, objects to violence, real or imagined, advocating universal Sickcare and a diet preventive of caries as a cure-all. Meanwhile, Scherbaum, Starusch's favorite pupil, grimly prepares to burn his dachshund Max to stir u the conscience of dog- and cat-loving Berliners.Juggling mockingly with lost and found illusions, with the tensions between reformists and revolutionaries, middle age and youth, Grass has created a satirical portrait of social confusions that adds to his customary exuberance a new mastery of subtle control.
Local Hero: Making a Scottish Classic
by Jonathan Melville'It's not a high concept movie, there's actually no story there really. It’s what happens in between the story that’s important' – Bill Forsyth The story of an American businessman sent to buy the Scottish village of Ferness with the aim of turning it into an oil refinery, Local Hero is one of Scotland’s most beloved, and most misunderstood, films. When Bill Forsyth’s incredible success with the low-budget That Sinking Feeling and Gregory’s Girl found him collaborating with Britain’s best-known film producer, David Puttnam, he soon found his independent ethos clashing with Hollywood’s desire for superstar actors and a happy ending. Jonathan Melville checks into the MacAskill Arms and looks back at Bill Forsyth’s career with the help of new and archive interviews, before spending time with the cast and crew, including stars Peter Riegert and Denis Lawson, who made Local Hero on location in Houston and Scotland in 1982. With access to early drafts of the Local Hero script (including hand-written notes) that reveal more about Mac and mermaids, excerpts from a previously unpublished interview in which Bill Forsyth explains why he refuses to call his film 'feel-good', and a look at long-lost deleted scenes with exclusive commentary from those involved, this is the definitive history of the Scottish classic. ‘Genuine fairy tales are rare; so is film-making that is thoroughly original in an unobtrusive way. Bill Forsyth's quirky disarming Local Hero is both . . . it demonstrates Mr. Forsyth's uncanny ability for making an audience sense that something magical is going on, even if that something isn't easily explained’ – Janet Maslin, The New York Times 'Local Hero is kind of transcendent. It's poetic in a way that most films can't hope to be' – Frank Cottrell-Boyce 'Local Hero is one my favourite films of all time . . . A timeless masterpiece' – Mark Kermode
Loch Down Abbey: Downton Abbey meets locked-room mystery in this playful, humorous novel set in 1930s Scotland
by Beth Cowan-Erskine'Perfect if you loved THE THURSDAY MURDER CLUB' - reader review'An entertaining romp and a fascinating insight into the weird and wonderful ways of the British aristocracy' S.J. Bennett, author of The Windsor KnotIt's the 1930s and a mysterious illness is spreading over Scotland. But the noble and ancient family of Inverkillen, residents of Loch Down Abbey, are much more concerned with dwindling toilet roll supplies and who will look after the children now that Nanny has regretfully (and most inconveniently) departed this life.Then Lord Inverkillen, Earl and head of the family, is found dead in mysterious circumstances. The inspector declares it an accident but Mrs MacBain, the head housekeeper, isn't so convinced. As no one is allowed in or out because of the illness, the residents of the house - both upstairs and downstairs - are the only suspects. With the Earl's own family too busy doing what can only be described as nothing, she decides to do some digging - in between chores, of course - and in doing so uncovers a whole host of long-hidden secrets, lies and betrayals that will alter the dynamics of the household for ever.Perfect for fans of Downton Abbey, Agatha Christie and Richard Osman's The Thursday Murder Club, LOCH DOWN ABBEY is a playful, humorous mystery that will keep you glued to the page!READERS LOVE LOCH DOWN ABBEY!'Beautifully written . . . this is a joyous read that will stay with me for a long time' - 5 STARS'The ending took me completely by surprise but in the best way' - 5 STARS'If you want to escape for a while, this is definitely a good book for that' - 5 STARSTthis very funny and unputdownable novel is a sure winner from start to finish! To be enjoyed without moderation.' - 5 STARS'It's amazing what secrets are hidden . . . Excellent :)' - 5 STARS
The Lock In: This summer’s most laugh-out-loud rom-com
by Phoebe Luckhurst'THE YEAR'S MOST ORIGINAL ROMCOM' ELLE'It made me smile and laugh and cringe and inwardly cheer' 5***** READER REVIEW'Found myself wincing and laughing with familiarity' EMMA GANNON'Hilarious' Evening Standard, 'Best New Books in 2021''Funny and compelling from page one!' LUCY VINE'I cannot recommend this book enough!' 5***** READER REVIEW______ Ellen and Alexa have survived hangovers, dodgy landlords and most of their twenties together.But can they survive this?One Saturday morning a flooded kitchen leads best friends Ellen and Alexa into their attic.But when Ben - Alexa's date from the night before - walks in, the handle breaks, and all are trapped.While Ellen nurses her hangover, she watches her best friend fall for this gorgeous stranger.Only to come to the horrifying realisation that she knows him from somewhere.Frantically searching her memories, Ellen wonders: is Ben really who she thinks he is?And more importantly, what on earth is she going to do about it . . . ?______ Fans of Beth O'Leary, Mhairi McFarlane and Dolly Alderton will LOVE this oh-so relatable tale of friendship, love, house-shares and what can happen behind locked doors . . .AS SEEN IN GRAZIA 'A funny, joyful hug of a book! A nostalgic, pitch perfect ode to the awkwardness and hilarity of yearning teenage years and house sharing in your twenties' Cressida McLaughlin
Lockdown Parenting Fails: (Because it's not all f*cking rainbows!)
by Nathan JoyceDid your home haircut make your child look like Friar Tuck?Did you forget to put bananas in your banana bread?Did your primary-schooler have to correct your times tables?Then you were probably one of many people trying your f*cking hardest to parent during lockdown, and so now deserve a medal (or a case of gin).Featuring entries from fellow survivors on the horrors of homeschooling, the nightmares of kitchen experiments, the fallibility of trying to keep your colleagues' respect, the inevitability of putting on all the weight and the joys of considering what you did to make the world punish you so......Lockdown Parenting Fails is a hilarious (and trauma-inducing) collection of the best memories from the worst time in everyone's lives.
The Lodge on Holly Road (Life in Icicle Falls #6)
by Sheila RobertsHow Santa Gets His Christmas Spirit Back…
London Nights: A Short Story
by Lucy LordA short story from the hilarious author of A GIRL CALLED SUMMER - find out what Bella was up to before her Ibiza adventures!
The London Pigeon Wars: A Novel
by Patrick NeateMaster storyteller Patrick Neate has written a funny, provocative and daring tale of London high- and low-life set among the capital's twirtysomethings. Featuring performance poetry; murder; Trafalgar Square's only fried-chicken induced battle; hat selling; bank robbery for the middle classes, love (and other social ailments); as well as pigeons - lots of crazed, angry thinking pigeons - The London Pigeon Wars is both a comic fable for our times and an exciting bird's eye view of life (and death) in the city.
London Rules: So Get Over It (Provocations Ser.)
by Dylan JonesWe are constantly being told that 1966, the very first iteration of Swinging London, was the time when the city was at its cultural, most fashionable height. And if not 1966, then it's the punk '70s or the Britpop '90s when London was meant to be most fun. Not so, argues GQ's Dylan Jones. Not only is London the greatest, most dynamic and diverse city in the world - it's never been better than it is now.Comparison may be the thief of joy, and it might be invidious to square London off against New York, Milan or Paris - which is heavier, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of gold? - but right now there is no other city in the world like it. It is already the greatest city of the twenty-first century, the one true global cultural megalopolis, the one true cocksure city-state, and we need to shout about it from the top of every tall building in town.
London Underground's Strangest Tales: Extraordinary But True Stories (Strangest Ser.)
by Iain SpraggWelcome to the weird and wonderful world of London's Underground, or as it is affectionately referred to, the Tube. Though this isn’t the usual side of the Tube the tourists, travellers and residents see. (Though, of course, they do see a great deal of strangeness in their daily commutes!). This is the real Underground, the strange and twisted nooks and crannies of what happens hundreds of metres below millions of London legs – from its peculiar past through to its paranormal present and looking forward to its fascinating future. Following on from the bestselling Portico Strangest titles now comes a book devoted to London's globally envied, and much loved, public transport system. Located deep beneath the heart of Greater London, the Underground is awash with more strangeness than you can shake your pre-paid Oyster card at. In 2013 the whole city will be celebrating the Underground's 150th birthday – the oldest underground in the world. So, pack up your old kit bag and travel stop-by-stop with us on this strange and fantastic journey along the Northern, Picadilly, Metropolitan, Jubilee, Hammersmith and City and District Line … and explore the Underground as you've never seen it before. London Underground's Strangest Tales is a treasure trove of the humorous, the odd and the baffling – an alternative travel guide to the Underground's best-kept secrets. Read on, if you dare! You have been warned. Word Count: 35,000
London, With Love: The romantic and unforgettable story of two people, whose lives keep crossing over the years.
by Sarra Manning'A VERY special book. GORGEOUS, real believable and BEAUTIFUL' - Marian Keyes London. Nine million people. Two hundred and seventy tube stations. Every day, thousands of chance encounters, first dates, goodbyes and happy ever afters. And for twenty years it's been where one man and one woman can never get their timing right. Jennifer and Nick meet as teenagers and over the next two decades, they fall in and out of love with each other. Sometimes they start kissing. Sometimes they're just friends. Sometimes they stop speaking, but they always find their way back to each other.But after all this time, are they destined to be together or have they finally reached the end of the line?All your favourite authors love SARRA MANNING!'Wonderful - romantic, sexy, moving and impossible to put down' - Louise O'Neill'Sexy, heartfelt, funny and fresh' - Laura Jane Williams'Epically romantic yet utterly relatable' - Holly Miller'Beautiful' - Lindsey Kelk
London's Strangest: Extraordinary But True Stories (Strangest Ser.)
by Iain SpraggThe 19th-century MP John Burns described the Thames as 'liquid history' and ever since the Romans founded Londinium in 43 AD, the river has played a key cultural and economic, political and social role in the history of England. London's Strangest: The Thames reveals the bizarre, funny and surreal events and episodes that have occurred over the centuries on, beneath and along the banks of the famous waterway. From appearances of the world's first submarine to the raid on the Sex Pistols river concert, Lord Nelson's final journey to John Prescott's watery protest, and even the recent escapades during the floods, the River Thames really has witnessed it all.
London's Strangest Tales: Extraordinary But True Stories (Strangest Ser.)
by Iain SpraggLondon's Royal Palaces are still some of the most visited places in England. A great deal of their official histories are well known. But London's Strangest Tales: Historic Royal Palaces reveals the bizarre, funny and surreal events and episodes that have occurred over the centuries on the grounds of these beautiful buildings. It gives an alternative history: from the wandering inebriated zebras at the Tower of London, the cricket ball that probably killed a king, and the mystery of Kew's disappearing mosque. This is a wonderful collection for anyone with an interest in the history and heritage of our palaces and in London life generally.
Londonstani: A Novel
by Gautam Malkani‘Londonstani’, Gautam Malkani's electrifying debut, reveals a Britain that has never before been explored in the novel: a country of young Asians and white boys (desis and goras) trying to work out a place for themselves in the shadow of the divergent cultures of their parents’ generation.
Lone Star Reunion (Texas Cattleman’s Club: Bachelor Auction #6)
by Joss WoodWalking away again might prove impossible….
The Lonely Fajita
by Abigail Mann‘Abigail Mann is a sparky new talent on the scene. The Lonely Fajita is comforting, witty, wise and thoroughly entertaining. (And it made me crave fajitas)’ Milly Johnson Breaking up is hard to do… Or the best thing that could happen to you!
The Lonely Hearts' Quiz League: That Rom-Com you'll be telling all your friends about: funny, romantic and heartwarming
by Lauren Farnsworth'Full of heart. You won't regret spending time with your new favourite group of lonely hearts' LUCY GILMORE'The cast list of The Lonely Hearts Quiz League is wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed it' CLARE SWATMAN'A heart-warming tale of friendship. It warmed me up, like the welcoming glow of a pub' JOSIE LLOYDThis irresistible novel about love and friendship will make your heart soar, perfect for fans of Beth O'Leary, Mhairi McFarlane and David Nicholls' Starter for Ten.-------Q: What do you call four strangers with nothing left to lose?A: A quiz team who might just surprise everyone...When Bryony, Harry and Jaime step into the Five Bells, each has their own motive for being drawn into the warm glow of the pub. Heartbroken Harry can't face his silent flat. Jaime, new to London with her boyfriend, longs to find a fun crowd. And Bryony is trying to remember the promising young woman she was, before a positive pregnancy test set her life on a different course.When they spot the advert to join a quiz team and enter a tournament, each signs up, unaware that the organiser, Donna, has her own reason to avoid thinking about home.After a few evenings, the strangers begin to see they have more in common than they realised. But when everyone's secrets are finally out on the table, will it sabotage the team's chances of making it through?-------What readers are saying about The Lonely Hearts' Quiz League:'Perfect for fans of Beth O'Leary and Laura Jane Williams with plenty of drama for all characters!' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐'I cared about the characters and wanted them to succeed. Totally enjoyable' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐'A captivating story that had me hooked from the beginning and kept me reading late into the night' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐'A beautiful observation of human nature and why we seek the company of others' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐'I loved this story' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 'Truly compulsive' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 'A heartwarming read' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 'The characters made me fall in love with this book' ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul: And The Long Dark Tea-time Of The Soul (Dirk Gently #2)
by Douglas AdamsThe second Dirk Gently book by Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul is a witty detective story perfect for fans of his phenomenally successful The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.When a passenger check-in desk at Terminal Two, Heathrow Airport, shot up through the roof engulfed in a ball of orange flame, the usual people tried to claim responsibility. First the IRA, then the PLO and the Gas Board. Even British Nuclear Fuels rushed out a statement to the effect that the situation was completely under control, that it was a one in a million chance, that there was hardly any radioactive leakage at all and that the site of the explosion would make a nice location for a day out with the kids and a picnic, before finally having to admit that it wasn't actually anything to do with them at all. No rational cause could be found for the explosion - it was simply designated an act of God. But, thinks Dirk Gently, which God? And why? What God would be hanging around Terminal Two of Heathrow Airport trying to catch the 15:37 to Oslo?'A thumping good detective-ghost-horror-who dunnit-time travel-romantic-musical-comedy-epic' - The author, on Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
The Long Haul: Book 9: The Long Haul (english-mandarin Bilingual Edition Parts 1 And 2) (Diary of a Wimpy Kid #9)
by Jeff KinneyJeff Kinney has brought Greg Heffley back for the ninth instalment of his bestselling Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. This time, the Heffleys are off on a road trip! The chances of survival are... quite small to be honest. If I had to guess, I'd say 90% of everything we do as a family comes from ideas Mom gets from that magazine. And when I saw the latest issue I knew it was gonna get Mom's wheels turning.When Greg's mom decides the family are going to have an 'authentic experience' this summer on a family road trip, Greg is less than excited. All the Heffley's trapped in a minivan for miles and miles... it spells disaster. And when Greg has to battle petrol-station bathrooms, crazed seagulls, a fender bender and a runaway pig, it seems he was right to be worried. This is one adventure the Heffleys won't forget! Reluctant and avid readers of 7+ can't get enough of Greg and the disasters that follow him around!